What Happens
by DySolo
Summary: SEQUEL to Viva Las Vegas. Ryan and Reid are making it work, but are they strong enough to handle the many obstacles that come before them? Or will something  or someone  destroy their relationship. Sequel - Please Read Viva Las Vegas first.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:**

So here is the sequel to Viva Las Vegas. If you haven't read that, you should before you read this. It could help with understanding what's going on in this story.

I am going to try not be so...dialogue-addicted in this story as I was the last. There will be multiple-POVs in this story too. There might be a Vegas chapter of a day and then, the same day in Quantico in the next chapter.

I hope you enjoy the story and please, please, please review. Definitely if you think it sucks. Any critical views are welcome. I mean, "This sucks." isn't helpful, but if you tell me why it sucks and what you think I should do to fix that, then I will gladly take that into consideration. I am always trying to be better. Thanks and enjoy the story.

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Neither had spoken in what seemed like forever.

Spencer just stared at her, trying to figure out if he had really heard what she had said. He wondered if he was really even awake. It had to be a weird dream. It had to be. There was no way she was actually pregnant. They were careful. He had seen her take the pills when she had spend the night with him. Always at the same time, always. She couldn't have forgotten, right? So... there was no way. Maybe she was just kidding with him, but he couldn't ask her that. What if it wasn't a joke?

Ryan watched him, trying to find a reaction. His face was blank and it was terrifying her. Did he not want this? Did she even want this? She wasn't ready to be a parent and here she was, pregnant. 99 percent protection, yeah right. Ryan sighed and continued to look at the man. He was already a father, this shouldn't be too big of a deal for him right? So why wasn't he talking? It was completely different for her. Sure, she had been there for Henry for the last few months, but having her own child? Ryan frowned. She couldn't do this.

"Spencer?" 

Spencer looked up at her before opening his mouth. He closed it before looking down. "How... I mean, When?"

Ryan let out a breath. It wasn't excitement or anything, but it was something. She could talk about it. She hadn't been able to talk about it at all to anyone.

"I went to my gynecologist before the last case to change my birth control. I wanted to get on that shot that you only have to do once a month, because of our schedule, you know? Plus you were here and I..figured it would be an okay time now and the doctor ran some tests, checked my hormones and everything and... well...he checked and said that I was pregnant. somewhere around 2 to 3 weeks."

"2 to.. So early."

Ryan nodded. "Early. He said I'd be due at the end of July. I need to go to an obstetrician for a more concrete due date."

Spencer nodded slowly. "Due date...because you're...pregnant."

Ryan looked at him. Was he in shock? She bit on her bottom lip. "I am pregnant."

Spencer looked at her. "Okay. And... Are you okay with this?"

Ryan frowned. Was she okay with it? She raised an eyebrows at him. "What do you mean am I okay with this? I'm pregnant. There isn't anything I can do to change that."

"There are options."

She glared at him. "Are you... I'm Catholic, Spencer. Are you really saying we should a-I can't believe you!"

Spencer rubbed his head. "I didn't mean that. I don't know why I said that. I.. This is just... I.. you're sure?"

Ryan just stared at him.

"You're going to have a baby."

"We're going to have a baby, Spencer. You contributed to this too, you know?" She couldn't keep the attitude out of her voice.

"Right. Yeah, me.. I... We're going to... Wow."

Wow was good, wasn't it? She didn't know how to take his reaction so far. He had told her to abort the baby and now he was silent again.

"I know that this is sudden and we didn't want this right now, but you said you wanted more kids and I..."

Spencer raised his eyes to her to see her run her fingers through her hair, her eyes well up with tears. He stood up and walked over to her.

"And you what, Ryan? What do you want? Whatever you want we can do. This.. we... I'm here and I support whatever it is." 

Ryan finally broke in his arms. "I don't know if I can do this, Spencer. I never dreamed of being a parent. I don't.. I can't do this. I don't know how to do anything. I've only been around a baby once and I was a teenager and didn't want anything to do with changing diapers and things like that. I.." 

Ryan sobbed in his arms and Spencer pulled her closer. He rubbed her back, trying to calm her down.

"It's okay. We can do this. I changed Henry's diapers and I... we can do this."

"You live in DC, Spencer! How are we going to do this? You're not going to be there for anything. You can't move back to Vegas, you just got your life back here and...Henry, oh god. You can't leave Henry for our child."

Spencer looked down at her. Their child. It was all so surreal. He grabbed her face and kissed her.

"We can do this."

"How? How can we do this?"

"You could move here?" 

Ryan shook her head. "No. We...it's too soon, Spencer."

"We're having a baby, Ryan. Our timeline is kind of skewed now, don't you think?"

Ryan looked at him. "I'm not ready to give up that much control. To be that dependent on you."

Spencer nodded. He could understand that. She had been basically on her own for 9 years now. She had built walls and everything.

"Okay. We could...schedule your appointments on Saturdays and then... I don't know, we'll work it out."

Spencer looked at her confused when she started to cry again, clinging to him. What had he said? Did he say something wrong? He held onto her, trying to do what he could without speaking.

Ryan closed her eyes, enjoying his arms around her. She knew she was overly emotional, but everything was finally coming out and it was a lot. The fact that he was willing to travel so much for her and their child.

"We're going to have a baby, Spencer. A little Baby Reid."

"Reid?" 

Ryan looked up at him. "Of course. You're the father."

Spencer smiled a little. "But... I mean,"

"But nothing. I don't know a lot of things, but that's one thing I'm sure of. I know that Henry has Will's last name and that it hurts you. She should have your last name."

"She?"

Ryan shrugged. "I can't call an it."

Spencer nodded. "You think it's a girl?"

"I don't know, but you already have a son, so I figured we'd just go the opposite."

"Okay."

"So.. you want this?"

"Do you? Because we could always look into adoption or.."

"We have good jobs. You own a house. I have a car. We have everything we need to take care of this child. We're adults. We put ourself in this situation, we can't just push it away and not deal with it. We have to deal with our consequences."

"So you want to keep this baby? You want to raise...her together and... be a family?" 

Ryan smiled slightly. "Do you?"

She watched as he ran his hands up under her shirt, placing them on her stomach. "I want this, yeah, but I...have to admit that the whole pregnancy thing freaks me out."

She chuckled. "It freaks you out?"

"Yeah! I mean, think about it. There's a little baby growing in you. It's... fascinating and strange."

Ryan shook her head and kissed him. "You're so weird, babe."


	2. Chapter 2

"Spencer!"

Spencer didn't hear the blonde next to him, too busy staring at the pictures of her and Henry as a infant on the wall. He had come over after dropping Ryan off at the airport, wanting to talk, but half way to the woman's house, he had decided telling anyone would probably not be a good idea yet. Ryan could not even be pregnant, although he was sure that her gynecologist knew what she was talking about. Still, it was too soon and maybe Ryan wouldn't even want him to tell anyone. They hadn't spoken about that. They hadn't really spoken about a lot of things, other than they'd schedule the appointment for the Saturday coming and he'd be there no matter what.

"Spencer Reid!"

Spencer stared at the picture, looking at how small the boy had been. He had been so nervous to hold him, to touch him even, at first. Would he be nervous this time around? He was already nervous! What if Ryan did have a girl? He knew nothing about girls! He could imagine a little girl with her eyes and lips. She'd be beautiful. He smiled to himself, thinking about it. There was no way he could handle that. In the years to come, when she was interested in boys, he'd die.

He jumped when JJ touched him. "What?"

"Where are you?"

"Huh?"

He looked at JJ who was staring at him intensely, looking for answers. He shook his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts.

"Sorry. I was just thinking about... things. Ryan went home earlier, you know."

JJ nodded. Was it just the fact Ryan had left that was making him act strangely? She didn't have time to question him before Henry came running out of the bathroom with a big grin on his face.

"Daddy! Look!"

He jumped into the man's lap, smiling largely to show him his white, just brushed teeth. JJ smiled as Spencer inspected the little boy's teeth before nodding.

"Good job, buddy. They're sparkling."

"Yeah. They like Mommy's."

Spencer nodded before glancing over at JJ. She smiled at him, resting her cheek on her closed hand as the father and son spoke about Henry's new turtle and all the toys he had gotten for his birthday. She caught herself looking over the genius' face. He looked older, that was evident, but he was still the same as he had been when she first met him. Same expressive eyes, wide smile. She ran her eyes down from his face to his chest and arms. The physical therapy had toned him exponentially. She could see the muscles in his arms flex as he shifted Henry in his lap. He was still scrawny, but there were muscle now where they used to seem to only be bone. She shouldn't be thinking about his arms or anything like that. She was his friend. They were friends and friends didn't think about each other like that. Henry reached out for her and JJ shook her thoughts away, trying to figure out where the conversation had gone.

"Can we Mommy?"

"What?"

"Can we get Snug some more stuff?"

"Snug?"

"Yeah. That's what Daddy said I should call him. I was going to call him Mini, but Daddy say that that's Ryan's nickname for me and I can't take it. I like 'Snug' because He's a Shakespeare character and because he's in a shell."

JJ nodded. "Sounds good. We'll go get him some more stuff tomorrow. It's time for you to go to bed now, Henry."

Henry pouted for a second before looking back at Spencer. "Can we call Ms. Ryan for another Genesis story, Daddy?"

She noticed how he looked to her approval and smiled. Even if there was another in his life, he was still making sure that the things he did with Ryan and their son was okay for her. It made her feel better about the situation, like Spencer wasn't trying to replace JJ as Henry's mother, even if he was replacing the woman in other areas. She frowned. Did she really think that?

"That's fine." She muttered before retreating back to her thoughts.

What was she being replaced as? They had never been in a relationship. They were still friends. He no longer ran to her, though. She missed being the one that comforted him. More than just sexually, too. She missed laying in bed with him, listening to his long rants about how everything affected him. She missed seeing the side of him that no one else, but maybe Garcia, had seen. She had been the one he ran to when he thought about using. She remembered the first time he had shown up at her house. She had answered the door and he had raised his head, locking eyes with her and it had taken her breath away at how he looked. He had been rubbing his arm and looked at her with such pain in his eyes. 'I need help,' they screamed as he stood there motionless for a moment. A look of realization had gone through them and he tried to back away.

"JJ?" She looked up to see him standing there. He looked so different from that night. He was happy. Unbroken. Better.

"Do you still go to meetings?" She found herself asking and he frowned.

"Why do you ask?"

She shrugged. She didn't know why she had asked. "I'm just curious."

He sat down next to her and rubbed his hands together. "I..ah, I went to a meeting or two while I was in Vegas, at first. But not since I found out about Henry being my son. I mean, It's totally unacceptable for me to ever do anything like that again if I'm going to be a father-"

"If you're going to be a father."

He blushed at the slip. "If I'm going to be a good father, I mean."

JJ nodded. "You are a good father."

Spencer licked his bottom lip. "Right... do you think I'd still be a good father if Henry was, i mean, if you had a girl instead of a boy."

JJ raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"If I had a daughter instead of a son. Do you think I'd still be a good father?"

JJ shook her head at the ridiculousness of his statement. "Of course. Just because you're the same gender as your child doesn't make you a good father. You listen and love him because of who he is. That wouldn't change." She thought about it before giggling. "Although, I'm glad we had a boy though. You would be even more freaked out if we had a girl. And potty training her. Oh god. And when she got older and -"

"I get it."

She leaned over and ruffled his hair. "You're an amazing person with a big heart, Spence. Boy or Girl, you would be and are a great father. Henry loves you so much, you know that right? I was nervous when he found out about all this, I didn't know if he'd react well or if you'd take it up as easy as you did, but.. I wouldn't change anything now. I'm glad both of you know the truth and are able to be so close."

Spencer smiled a little. He didn't speak though, deep in his own thoughts. She watched as he looked at her before looking back to Henry's room.

"Ryan's pregnant." He said, rushed and began to turn red.

JJ merely blinked. She hadn't heard him right. There was no way.

"What?" She said, looking at him.

"She's pregnant. She's going to have a baby and I guess we're calling it a her at the moment. Ryan doesn't want to call it an it and -"

JJ stared at him. Ryan was pregnant. They had only been together for a few months.

"Did you guys not use-"

"We did! We did and she got... It happened anyways! Does that mean anything? I mean, I don't believe in that stuff, so I don't know if its like a sign or something, but we were very careful and I was careful even! I mean sometimes, even if she said..." He blushed. "Anyways... it's really early so I wasn't going to tell anyone, but...I mean.. you're... I always turn to you." He said the last part quietly, looking at her.

JJ just stared at him. Ryan was pregnant. They were going to have a baby. She knew that Spencer loved Henry and was happy to be his father, but she never imagined that he'd have more kids. Definitely not so soon. Not with Ryan. She blinked before swallowing. She opened her mouth to speak, but had no idea what to say. Luckily for her, she didn't have to. Spencer continued.

"I don't know what to do, JJ. I mean, I remember all the things you went through when you were pregnant and when I touched your stomach. When it moved inside of you."

"It is your son, Spencer."

"Yeah, but he wasn't then! He was just a fet-uh... I mean, I didn't know he was mine?"

JJ just shook her head at him. She'd be mad, but it was how he was.

"I'm going to be a dad again and this time, I'm going to be in the mix of everything and I don't know what to do! I don't know how to do that! I don't know how to be... I mean, how do I do this? It...it scares me. I'm scared. I'm terrified! I mean, I remember when it-he touched me through your stomach and it was weird! It's all very weird and strange and...interesting and I don't want to offend her, but.. I..." He paused with a frown.

She watched as he seemed to be thinking. She was in shock. She couldn't believe it. He really was a magician! She laughed at the thought, causing him to frown deeper, which only caused her to laugh even more.

Spencer stared at the woman next to him, like she was crazy. This was not funny! Nothing about this was funny. He was.. Ryan was pregnant and he was freaking out and she was laughing almost hysterically. He sighed and stood up, not feeling up to being a joke.

JJ reached out and grabbed him, calming herself.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just.. It's magic!"

She giggled again before pushing her hair out of her face. "Okay. Sorry, I'm good. So... Ryan's pregnant. You're nervous. It's...normal to be nervous, Spencer. This is the first time you're going to be visiting the man or woman who is going to be delivering your son or daughter. Remember that they know what they're talking about, but if you or she don't feel comfortable, you can always change doctors. You should feel at ease with him/her. They are going to be taking care of Ryan and your baby, so it matters. And... ask questions. It's okay not to know and want to know more. Ryan will appreciate it and you'll be more comfortable. You're going to be fine. You're a great dad. You'll be a great dad to this kid too and when you're ready to tell everyone, you know we'll all be here for you and support you."

She held out her hands for him and he walked into her embrace, resting his head on her shoulder.

"Thank you." She heard him mumble against her shoulder and she let out a breath and she closed her eyes. She couldn't believe this. She couldn't believe it at all. Spencer was having a baby with Ryan. It hurt more than she could have ever imagined. It stung and bit and clawed at her. She wiped away a tear that fell, before rubbing her back.

"Congratulations." She said, softly, trying to sound excited.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note:

I have tried to write this chapter for...days. I've written it like 5 times and deleted it because everything sucks. So... I'm just writing it and moving on. Because if I don't, I'll never write it. XP.

The updates might be random. I've already written the climax of it so... getting back to the "boring parts" is rather difficult at the moment.

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Spencer stared up at the ceiling as he laid in the bed. These last few months had been a whirlwind and now Ryan was pregnant. Things didn't seem like they'd be slowing down anytime soon. He wondered if he was ready for such things. JJ had tried to comfort him and it had worked some. He knew he was a decent father, that he was good to Henry. He knew he could handle having another child, but... the future seemed so...confusing. He hadn't even know Ryan more than a few months and now, they were going to have to be in each other's lives no matter what happened between them. He loved her and he hoped that nothing bad happened, but if they did... would she be so giving to him? So willing to let him be such a big part of the baby's life?

That was ridiculous. Of course she would. She had been so close to her father, she wouldn't deny her daughter that...would she? No. Of course not. Spencer relaxed a little. He wondered how Ryan was feeling about all of this. Who were they supposed to turn to when they needed help? Ryan couldn't call her mother and he couldn't call his either. Well, he could, but she wouldn't be much help. He sighed. The baby wouldn't have grandparents or uncles and aunts. Well... biological aunts and uncles. He smiled thinking about how the Vegas team and the Quantico team would be her uncles and aunts. She would definitely be loved by a lot of people. They could call Hotch or JJ or DiMario. Even Morgan had experience due to his nieces and nephews. It wasn't like Spencer didn't have a clue about babies either. He did have a son.

Henry. Henry would be ecstatic. He would be such a good big brother, Spencer was sure of it. He just hoped the little boy didn't get jealous. Would Ryan treat Henry different now though, since she would have her own baby now. Spencer frowned at the thought. Ryan loved Henry. She wouldn't knowingly do anything like that. Although, he knew it would be different. Ryan would be this baby's biological mother. She'd have a bond with her that she couldn't with Henry, even if she did someday become his step mother. It felt strange thinking of that. It felt even stranger to think of Ryan being the mother of his child. He was still in slight shock. They were having a baby. Wow.

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Ryan smiled when he saw Elle waiting for her. She grabbed her bag and walked over to her.

"I was just going to take a cab."

"I know, that's why I got Jason to pull up your flight information. We're going to dinner."

"Having your boyfriend hack my records is not cool, Elle. Even if you are my bestie."

Honestly, she was happy Elle was here. Leaving Spencer had even been harder now that she knew he wanted this baby with her. She smiled sweetly at Elle who rolled her eyes and turned on her heel. Ryan followed her to her car, thinking about everything that happened in the last months. She had moved to a new town, made a lot of new friends, got herself into a kind of love triangle before falling in love and now, she was going to have a baby. She never thought she'd ever be here. She had promised herself on the first anniversary of her parents death that she would never love anyone again like that and now here she was. 8 years later, baby in belly and a man she couldn't get out of her head. She ran her hand over her stomach. It was weird. She wondered if it even looked like anything yet. She was sure Spencer was already reading about it and the thought made her smile. Her little nerd. Would her baby be just like his daddy? Henry already was. And if she wasn't like her father, would Spencer be upset over that? Spencer wasn't like that. He'd love their child no matter what. He had loved Henry before he knew he was gifted. Before he knew that he was his son.

"You're zoning out, Ryan, what's up? Did something happen?"

Ryan pulled herself from her thoughts to see that were at Elle's blue little Nissan. She looked up at Elle, who had leaned against her car and was watching her.

"Stop profiling me. I see that look."

Elle chuckled. "It's hard not to when you have that look on your face."

"What look? I am not making any kind of looks." Ryan opened the back door of the car and put her luggage before looking back at the woman, matching her glance. Ryan and Elle had become friends quickly, both strong, independent women. Sometimes they argued, their personalities clashing against each other in a battle of dominance but other times, they, well atleast in Ryan's case, she felt like Elle was the only one who she could truly trust (other than Spencer, of course.)  
They stared at each other for a minute before Ryan sighed, breaking down first this time.

"Okay, so I'm thinking about a few things, but I don't have any different kind of look."

"Bullshit. You're glowing. Even more than the love glow you've had for the last few weeks, so spill."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "I am not! I just left my very sexy boyfriend and his adorable son to be here with you and the gang. I am anything but 'glowing.'" She said, shaking her head and moving to the other side of the car. She wanted to just eat and forget this whole conversation. She knew if Elle digged deep enough, she'd find her answers or that they would eventually be spilled. Ryan wasn't sure how Elle would react. Hell, she hadn't even be sure how Spencer would have reacted and her own reaction on the matter was still up in the air. She was excited and scared, nervous yet ready. Ready? She was ready?Ready as she could be. Knowing Spencer would be there every step made it easier. She grinned to herself, at least she had gotten knocked up by a gentleman. She made a face, that wasn't right. She wasn't 'knocked up', that made it sound...negative. Her hand moved over her stomach again. She was starting to really want this baby now. And that was terrifying. She turned to see Elle watching her and Ryan moved her hand quickly, not quick enough though.

Elle stared at her. "You're pregnant." It wasn't a question and Ryan just continued to watch her. She didn't expect Elle to laugh.

"Who would have thought the Genius had super sperm?" Elle chuckled.

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

JJ looked at the pictures on her desk. She had one of her and henry, of course. The other was a picture of Spencer and Garcia, cheek to cheek, with Henry in their laps. He had just turned one and have blue frosting all over him. It was adorable, both because of the baby and the large grins on her best friends' faces. She had looked at it over the last year when the job felt too much, when the troubles got to be so much and it always helped. It wasn't helping right now.

There was a knock and JJ looked up to see Garcia entering her office.

"How sweets, ready to go grab some lunch?"

JJ looked down back at the picture and Garcia walked over to sit down across from her.

"What's wrong, Jayje?"

JJ handed her the picture and Garcia grinned. "God, look at him. He's so precious."

"Henry or Spencer?" JJ tried to joke and Garcia laughed.

"Henry too,"

JJ shook her head. Garcia was probably the closest to the genius than even her. They had been best friends. She had been the first person Spencer had connected to and clung to, escaping to her office after hard cases and tough days. They had gone to nerdy conventions and had long conversations about comic books and science fiction. They even flirted, not like Garcia flirted with Morgan, but enough to cause Spencer's cheeks to flush and JJ to get a little jealous at times, definitely the times when Spencer would flirt back.

"I'm...Have you ever looked back at something and wondered how you messed up so completely?"

Garcia handed her back the picture. "Is this about Will or Spencer?"

"Both?" She sighed. She knew that wasn't true. She wasn't even sad about Will leaving anymore. She had just accepted it and was ready to move on. "Spencer." She said, finally, truthfully.

Garcia waited, knowing the woman needed to talk out her thoughts. JJ didn't speak though, not yet. She looked at the picture, trying to figure out exactly when this had really gone so south. Should she have never gone over to his house that night? Was that the real beginning of this? There had been moments between them before that. The football game. Lilah Archer. She remembered seeing the article on her and Spencer. She had the story from Derek. She had been jealous of the celebrity. Even then, she knew she cared for him. But why? Why did she care for him? He was a nerdy social outcast that could barely lock eyes with her back then. Yet, he fascinated her. He wasn't like anyone she ever met. And now, he was all grown up and.. She rubbed her temples. She really needed to move on. That was evident. She had a chance. Hell, she had chances. She could have gone to dinner with him again. He had asked. He had tried to make them more than sexual encounters too. He had tried to be with her time after time and now that he was happy, she wanted him?

"Why am I realizing this now?" She heard herself ask, before she raised her eyes to meet Garcia.

"Why didn't I act on it before it was too late? I knew he was a good man. I knew he cared about me. I knew I cared about him. but everything was... All the reasons for pushing it away seem so...stupid. I settled for someone I didn't care enough about. I made work more important than being happy. Why? Seeing him so happy with Ryan. Seeing Ryan be so open with him, so willing. She lost both of her parents and her brother in 9/11. She didn't get close to anyone and yet, she...saw everything I saw in him and decided to risk it all for him. And now, look at her. She's..." She bit her tongue. She ended up with the man JJ wanted. She was going have a baby with him too and yet, she was going to be able to see Spencer fawn over her and the baby and be there for everystep.

"She's me if I would have let go, if I wouldn't have pushed it way. She's living what I should have...and it's... It's not fair to see how amazing it is, when..." JJ shook her head.

"That would have been me and I fucked it all up."


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Criminal Minds, but I do own Ryan!

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Spencer poked his head into JJ's office and smiled when saw Garcia there as well.

"Hey. I'm on lunch. You guys want to go grab something?" He asked, looking at both women. He paused, looking at JJ closer. She looked tired and if something was bothering When he turned to Garcia, she had her eyes on the blonde, as if checking on her.

"Is Henry okay?" It was the first thought that could come to his mind. Why else would JJ be upset.

"Did something happen with Will?"

He focused on the media liason as her lips curled into a sarcastic smile and she lifted her eyes to look at him, an eyebrow raised. It was the look she gave Morgan most of the time after some of his more ridiculous comments. She didn't say anything though, as if it was supposed to be obvious to him what was going on in the room. He looked back at Garcia, confusion written across his face. She stood and ruffled his hair.

"We're just talking girl stuff, sweet cheeks. Relationship dramas and sex talk."

She pinched his cheek when he flushed and looked at his shoes. She chuckled a little and kissed his forehead before walking to the door.

"I'm going to have to get a rain check on that lunch date, but we'll go out soon, Reid. It's good to have you back, honey bunch."

Spencer watched as she left before turning back to JJ, who was staying at the door like she had been betrayed. Her eyebrows were bunched together and her bottom lip was jutted out the slightly. He couldn't help but smile. Everyone said that the pout Henry gave was 100 percent him, but looking at the blond in front of him, it was definitely half her as well. She tore her eyes away from the door to look at him. The two stayed quiet for a minute before JJ cleared her throat and stood, obviously choosing to go to lunch with him, he assumed.

"So where we going?" She asked.

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Spencer laughed and JJ smiled.

"I swear to you, I don't why or how, but I walk into my bathroom and see him with my lipstick all over his face. I didn't know what. I was just standing there and he turns and grins so big and he says. "Look, Mommy, I'm spiderman!"

Spencer chuckled before sipping his coffee. "When he got his superman pajamas, he pretended like he could fly. He woke up the next morning and jumped on the bed for hours."

"And then still had energy to go full force all day, right? I don't know where he gets it."

Spencer watched her as she leaned back in her chair and ran a hand through her hair. She was wearing a red shirt and for some reason, Spencer was reminded of the night before the Tobias Hankel case. They had all been at a local bar, enjoying some free time off. He had turned his head to watch her a few times that night. The men had been flirting with her all night long and she seemingly had blown it off. He had watched as she beat them at darts. He, then, tried to make it seem like he hadn't been watching her the whole time when she passed him on the way out to answer a call. A call that would change his life.

"What are you thinking about?" He heard her ask and raised his eyes to hers. They were soft, curious.

"The Super bowl party, 2007."

He watched as she tensed before shifting in her chair. She leaned forward, putting her hands together before resting her head against her knuckles.

"Why are you thinking about that?"

Why was he thinking about that? The red shirt, right. But why? Because he had planned to finish his wine and join her outside that night. He was going to offer to take her home. He was going to try and convince her again that they should go out on another date, a real date. He was going to kiss her. He was going to make her realize that there was something about her that stirred up things in him and that they deserved a chance. And then the call. The rush to the office. The trip to Georgia, the kidnapping and the drugs. He came back broken and she knocked and everything he had wanted to do, everything he had wanted to say came out, but wrong. It was fast and full of need, guilt. It was full of guilt. He shook his head, trying to shake all the thoughts away. He put on a fake smile.

"You look really good in red."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"You were wearing red that night. A short red tshirt and jeans. It showed your stomach and I had been watching you the whole night. You're wearing red now... and I just thought of it. It's ridiculous. Random."

"You had been watching me? I never even noticed."

"You were busy. I wasn't the only one who was watching you."

He could see the smile peaking out from behind her hands. She shook her head. "Were you jealous, Spencer Reid."  
He smiled a little at the coyness in her voice. She was enjoying the confession.

"No where near as much as I was with Will in New Orleans."

The smile fell from her face. "The day you missed the jet."

He looked down at his hands. "The last day I got high."

He heard JJ take in a deep breath. She didn't speak so he raised his eyes up to hers. They stared at each other for a few moments before JJ looked away.

"Why are we talking about this, Spencer? You're with Ryan and you're happy and I'm... Why are we talking about this?"

He shook his head. "I don't want there to be anything between us that could...I think we should just talk about everything. We never sat down and talked about us. We've always ran away from it or fought about it. We've screamed truths at each other, but we've never just..."

"So what? You want to go through our past and talk about everything that went wrong and move past it? How is it going to help to bring everything up again, Spencer? How is it going to help to rub each other's mistakes in our faces. I don't need to know this and you don't need to know how I feel."

"Yes I do."

JJ looked up at him, meeting his eyes with an angry glance. "Why? Does it get you off to know that I still love you? That the fact that Ryan is having a baby kills me? That I look back on everything that happened and regret all the mistakes I made. Well, too damn bad, Spencer. I won't do it. Go have your happy little family and stop trying to mess with my heart."

He watches as she pushed back her chair and stood up and stomped away. He took a second to process everything before standing up, racing after her. He grabbed her arm once they were outside and turned her to him.

"It doesn't 'get me off'. It doesn't make me feel good that you're hurting. It doesn't make me feel good at all. I tried for you. I tried so hard for you. I did everything I could, JJ, and you wouldn't let me in and I moved on. I don't feel bad for that, but I don't want you to hurt either. You're my best friend. You're the only one I trust telling about Ryan. You're the only I trusted back then and I don't want to lose that because of everything. I just..." He let go off her and ran his hands through his hair. "I just thought if we talked about it. If we could understand each other that it would all just go away. If we could figure out what went wrong, I could-"

"Ryan isn't me, Spencer." He turned to look at her. Her words held no anger. She looked...sad.

"She chose to risk it all for you and look what she got? I didn't. I couldn't risk it all and I didn't have that much to lose."

Spencer clenched his jaw and JJ ran her fingers over his cheek. "I know you want to go over everything and find the answers and everything. That's what you do, that's who you are. Always searching for answers and finding the problem, but this isn't science, Spence. This isn't an experiment that went wrong. You can't use the data from this and take notes and everything over it so you can better your next relationship. As much as I wish it worked like that, it doesn't. Ryan is completely different than I am and you just got to feel things out with her to figure out the answers. You're doing great. You're going to be a great father to your new child. You're going to be a great boyfriend to her, because you already are. Just continue to be who you are."

"I don't want to lose you."

JJ smiled and rested her hands on her shoulders to help push up on her toes and kiss his forehead.  
"You're never going to lose me, Spence. There's a lot things I wish I could change about us, but we can't and I'm not going to let that get in the way of being here for you. Like you said, you're my best friend. We have Henry."

"I don't want us to only be close because we have a son. You said you-"

"Spencer, just shut up and take me back to work. We'll meet up after work and spend time with our son and each other and everything will be fine."

He frowned before grabbing her hand. She smiled and squeezed it before they made there way back to the office.

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**  
**Author's Note:**

**Writing without so much dialogue is hard. And sure, it's been more internal dialogue, but.. I'm getting there. One step at at time! My descriptive writing sucks. I can see it, but...can't put it into words the way I see it. Eh. It'll get better I guess.**

**I'm having major writer's block, guys so updates are going to be slow, which sucks. I love this little world I've created. And I know the story. I know what happens, the climax, what follows. Hell, I even know the endings. (there could be another story depending on which ending I pick.) But Actually WRITING it is proving difficult. **

**And I've realized that there was no real timeline in Viva. Like, at the time I was writing the chapter I must have been like 'okay, this is three days later,' and writes, but...I never put that in the story, so going back and rereading it so I can use it for this one... not really possible. Kinda blows. Kinda makes this more difficult. It kind of makes me want to grow rewrite all of Viva.**

**I'm just ranting, because I write these before I write the chapter and I'm...stalling, okay? I'm stalling! But now that I've admitting that, I must start writing. Sigh. Okay, here we go.**

**EDIT: I put this on the bottom so those who don't care about my thoughts, don't have to read it! :D **


	5. Chapter 5

Ryan tapped her fingers anxiously, before looking at her watch. It had been long enough. She made her way back into the bathroom and picked up the pregnancy test. She sat on the toilet and stared at it. Definitely pregnant. She sighed. She knew this, so why did she had to take another one? She stared at the two lines before tossing it in the trash. He rubbed her eyes before resting her hands and head on her knees. She wasn't ready to be a parent. She wasn't ready to have to take care of someone else for 18 years. She could barely take care of her self. How could she do this? Even with Spencer, how could she do this? She sniffed and pushed her self up before making her way to the bed. She pulled a pillow close to her chest and felt the tears running down her face.

How was she supposed to do this without her mom? Or her dad? She closed her eyes, remembering that day. Remembering the fire alarms going off and everyone rushing outside. She remembered looking up to the sky, smoke billowing, wondering what was happening. She remembered seeing the second plane smash into the building before getting into a school bus. She remembered seeing her godmother rush up to her and grabbing her, sobbing. She wondered what was going on, what was happening. She asked about Max and her mom and the woman just sobbed and held her tighter. Ryan's arms tightened around the pillow remembering the sounds. Her godfather pulled the two women to the car and for the next two days, all they did was sit in front of the tv, watching and listening. Terror attacks. So many dead. She wondered about her mother and Max. Had they made it? Were they just waiting to be found? And Her dad. She remembered how her father had came home fore an hour or so the night of the attack and pulled her in his arms. He smelt like smoke and ash and death. He held her and told her that he'd find them. That they'd all be together by the time her birthday came around. She never celebrated her birthday again.

And now she have to be celebrating her daughter's, her son's, birthdays every year. She opened her eyes and reached out to grab her phone. She dialed a number and waited.

"Reid."

She sniffled. "Spencer."

She heard rustling before a click. "Is everything okay?"

She paused before feeling tears stream down her face. "No."

There was more rustling. "Ryan, what's wrong? Did someone get hurt?"

"What if I can't do this, Spencer."

"Do what, hon?" There was desperation in his voice as he tried to figure out was wrong with her.

"I can't have this baby. I can't...do this without my mom."

There was a long silence. "Ryan."

"She wanted grandkids so bad, Spencer. She was always talking about how she was going to teach them Qartuli and how she was going to sing to them every night and that I was going to be a great mom and..." She sobbed.

"Shh, Ryan, it's going to be okay. I'll.. I'll learn the language and Emily knows Russian. You can sing, we'll be okay."

"How am I going to be a great Mom if I couldn't even watch my little brother for one day! I'm too selfish. I couldn't even watch him and HE DIED, Spencer. He died. He was only a baby! He died because-"

"He died because terrorists attacked the World Trade Center. You couldn't know that was going to happen. You were a teenager, you're a lot older now and you're smarter and... I'm going to be there every step of the way. We're going to do this together."

"But...She should be here, Spencer. She should be here. I need her. What if you don't know something? and My dad. My dad would have known to know our little girl. She's never going to know her Grandpa."

"Sure she will. We're going to tell her all about your mom and your dad. We're going to tell her about how her Uncle Max is up in Heaven and watching over her all the time. We're going to tell her that her Grandpa was a hero and we're going to make sure she knows that they're watching over her everyday. We'll teach her Qartuli and sing her your mother's lullabies and take trips to New York to visit Ground Zero and where her grandpa worked. She'll know them, Ryan."

Now Ryan was crying for a whole different reason. She couldn't believe Spencer had said any of that. She knew the man didn't believe in God or heaven or anything like that and yet he was willing to teach his daughter with her about it so she could know her family. She clutched her pillow to her chest even tighter. He was willing to do all this for her and their baby.

"I love you." She heard him say and she closed her eyes again. "I love you, Ryan, and we'll be okay. We'll make this work. Whatever we don't know, we'll figure out. We can do this. You're going to be a great mother. You're so good with Henry already, and we have nine months to figure everything out. We'll be okay. I promise, we'll be okay."

"I love you too." She said, softly, slowly regaining composure. Tears still fell, but slower. Her breathing was becoming more like normal. "I wish you were here, Spencer."

"I do too, Ryan. I do too." She heard him sigh and a click again, which she assumed was the light being turned off. She heard the rustling of the sheets.

"Are your eyes closed?"

"Yes."

"Good. Mine too. Just try to go to sleep, okay? I'll be right here with you."

"You don't.."

"Shh. No more talking."

"I love you, Spencer."

"I love you too, Ryan. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." She said, softly and listened to his breathing into the phone before she lost herself to sleep.

Spencer listened to her breath, unable to sleep. The heartache in her voice had shook him. She had barely reacted to the 9th anniversary of the terror attack in September and now, her she was, months later, breaking down on the phone with him. Did she just trust him more now? Obviously. He opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't imagine what she had gone through. He had no idea if he had helped. He tried to shake the thoughts away. Her breathing had slowed. She was sleeping. She was going to be okay and that's all that mattered. He slowly moved the sheets away and sat up, trying to be silent not to wake her. He padded his way to his office-slash- library and turned on a light. He squinted at the clock that read 2:15 and frowned. Taking the phone from his ear, he muted it before turning on the speaker phone and setting it on the desk. If she woke up again, he wanted to be there. He wanted to help her. He grabbed a piece of paper and an pen and sat down, beginning to write.

* * *

Author's Notes:

Okay, so I live in Texas. I have no idea what really happened with the school systems on 9/11 so... if this is inaccurate, I apologize. Also, I have never lost anyone in a traumatic event like this, so...I don't know if her reactions are normal either. I was going to say something else, but I don't remember what. Maybe I'll post in in the next author's note if I remember.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:**

**I don't own Criminal Minds, but I do own Ryan and The Vegas Crew.**

Okay! So why the lack of updates? Well.. my laptop DIED. Death. Completely. and I have to send it to the manufacter to get it fixed, but now I have a very little notebook. But then my internet went out and now I'm sick as _. Seriously. I have sneezed and coughed so much that death is welcoming. Almost. Here's a short chapter. Sorry about the wait.

* * *

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

There was a knock on the door that grabbed his attention. Spencer looked down at his paper before at the watch. It was morning. He grabbed his phone and ended the call. 6 hours he had been sitting here, writing and listening to Ryan's breathing. It had been a constant pattern of in and out, sometimes a hitch as if her dreams were getting to her, but she never woke. For that, he was glad. Her dreams hadn't haunted her enough to cause her to jump awake. He rubbed his neck, sore from staying in one position too long, as he made his way to the door. He opened it and smiled, slightly, when he saw the blond.

"What are you doing here?"

JJ shrugged and he opened the door, wider to let her in. She must have a reason. There was always a reason. Wasn't there? He watched as she made her way into the apartment before turning to look at him.

"Will left to go to New Orleans for a few days. He's going to be looking for work and a place up there, I guess. I don't know. It just all seems..."

"so sudden."

JJ nodded. "I didn't think he would really leave."

Spencer watches her as she makes herself comfortable on the couch, staring at the pictures on his walls. He didn't know what to say to her. He scratched his head before moving to sit next to her. She turned to look at him with a slight smile before breathing out.

"Any news about Ryan?"

Spencer looked down at his hands, thinking about the conversation last night. He nodded before looking up at her.

"She called me last night, upset. I think everything finally hit her and she was scared and... I told her that we'll be able to do this.I reassured her and spoke about visiting New York so the baby could see what her parents were."

He rubbed his hands together, staring at them, unable to look at her at the moment.

"And I meant it. More than I've ever meant anything. And it's strange. These feelings...all of it. It's so..." He shook his head, pausing. What was it? He sighed.

"It's the strongest thing I've ever felt. And I don't know if it's because of her. or the baby. Or it's something psychologically that I was missing and now making up for because my mother was never-"

"Spencer." JJ said and grabbed his chin. "Don't do that."

Spencer looked at her before pulling back. "Don't do what?"

"Make your feelings not matter. You love her. Not because your mother or your past or biology, psychology. Sociology, whatever. You love her. Just because you love her."

He made a face, "But what if-"

"What if nothing." JJ shook her head. She had done the same thing with her feelings for him. Explained them away so she wouldn't feel them and she wouldn't let Spencer start that now. He was in love, deeply, and his confessions to Ryan, whatever they exactly were, had been real and scary to him. She wasn't going to let him back away from that.

"You said those things to her last night because you love her and you want her to be happy and..."

JJ watched as he stood. He turned her.

"I do. I do more than myself. That's... that's not good, is it? It's scary. It's..dangerous to love someone like that. To feel more about someone than yourself. You...you said that. You told me that. You wouldn't be with me because I loved you like that, that I'd put you first and...and if I feel like that again, what if Ryan does the same thing? What it scares her?"

JJ watched him and frowned. She stood slowly and took his head in her hands.

"Spence, I was wrong. I've told you that. I was wrong to not give us a chance, just because of that. I was wrong."

He shook his head and she moved a hand to his mouth to stop him from talking.

"Listen to me." She said, looking up in his eyes.

God, she hated this. She hated this more than anything. She didn't want to comfort him for Ryan. She didn't want to make him feel better so he'd turn back to another woman and tell her everything that JJ desperately wanted to hear from him. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. All she wanted to do was kiss him and yet, instead, she sighed.

"It's amazing that you love her like that. It's amazing that you're willing to put yourself second and if she's smart, she feels the same for you. That's how love is. It's give and take and putting the other first in times. Last night she needed you to do exactly what you did and that's great. And when you go out there Saturday, you'll get to go to the doctor with her and experience everything and you'll freak out - don't give me that look, you know you're going to freak out - and she'll hold your hand and help you and it'll be fine. It's going to be fine. You're going to be fine. Just be happy. Just enjoy yourself and don't over think this. We overthought everything. I overthought it and I lost you. Don't make the same mistake."

Spencer leaned and pressed his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes, breathing in his scent and feeling his warmth. She let out a small sigh when his arms went around her for a brief hug and then it was gone. The scent, the warmth. She opened her eyes slowly to see him walking to the bathroom, unbuttoning his shirt.

"I need to shower, but you think you can give me a ride? I've already missed The Metro."

She nodded, slowly. "Y-yeah."

He smiled at her before closing the door. "Thanks, JJ." He called out before she heard the water turn on. She turned away from the sound, rubbing her forehead. This day sucked.


	7. Chapter 7

Ryan stared at the building. She was going to do this. She was going to march in there and... She couldn't do this. She turned away and walked back to her car. She couldn't walk in there and do anything. This was Spencer's mother. This was Spencer's mother. This was her baby's grandmother. She turned and stared at the building. She sighed before rubbing her eyes. What was she going to do? Go in there and do what? She didn't know. Ryan stared at the building before walking towards it. She was going to do this. Even if she didn't know what this was.

"Ryan."

She turned to see the nurse from the first time she visited.

"Hi...uh,"

"Tara."

Ryan nodded. "Is... Mrs. Reid doing okay today?"

"Yes, she's great. She's in the common room. If you'd like to go visit her."

Ryan nodded. "Do... Do you think she'd like that?"

Tara smiled. "I'd think she'd love that."

Ryan smiled at her before making her way to the common room. She took a deep breath before walking to where the woman was sitting, reading.

"Mrs. Reid."

Diana looked up and looked around. "Ryan! I didn't expect to see you. Is Spencer with you?"

"No ma'am. He'll be here this weekend. I thought... It's just me. Is that okay?"

Diana closed her book, looking at the woman, curiously. "Why wouldn't it be? How are you doing?"

Ryan breathed out and sat down.

"I'm good. I just..."

"You love my son, right? You know that he's very sensitive and if you don't love him as much as he loves you, you shouldn't play with his heart."

Ryan blinked, staring at her a little shocked. "I...do."

"He's not very experienced with love and has got himself into trouble, you know."

"I..uh..." Ryan looked at her, confused. What exactly was she talking about?

"With Lila Archer and that bartender woman. Both victims in his cases. And then that whole Jennifer fiasco."

"Fiasco?"

"An illegitimate son."

Ryan coughed, feeling a little hot. "Uh, Spencer loves Henry."

"Indeed. As any good father would, but his relationship with Jennifer. You know that he's been in love with her for years and she never reciporcated the feelings-"

"She sure reciporcated." Ryan muttered, causing her to get a stern look from Diana.

"They were bad for each other and if you're just using my son for your gains then-"

"I would never use your son for anything."

"He was your boss when you two got together."

Ryan looked at the woman, trying to control herself. Was his mother trying to infer that she was using Spencer to get ahead. "Mrs. Reid, I-"

"You're offended."

"Very." Ryan said, before she could bit her tongue.

Diana smirked. "Good. You should be."

Ryan looked at the woman, a little helpless.

"I worry about him." Diana said, running her fingers over the front of the book Spencer had brought her during one of his visits. "I know that his father's leaving affecting him greatly and I know that it wasn't easy taking care of me. I worry that he never learned enough to be... to have lasting strong relationships. You must know all about his previous relationships. Victims of crimes he's solved. and JJ." She shook her head before looking at her.

"You seem to really care for him."

Ryan stared at her for a second before nodding. "I do. I...It's remarkable how much. It sounds cliche, but there's something about him that..."

"I told Spencer that Girls can sense when a man is ready and the certain type of women will notice. Maybe, it goes the other way as well. Maybe you were ready and you just didn't know it."

Ryan leaned back into her chair, her hand moving against her stomach. Maybe she was.

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Spencer looked down at his phone at the end of the day to see a missed call and a text message. Ryan was in Pittsburgh.

"Daddy!"

He looked up to see Henry running to him. He pocketed his phone to scoop up the little boy.

"Hey Henry, what are you doing here?"

"Ms. Lily dropped me off at Mommy's office and Mommy bring me here to see you."

Spencer looked up to see JJ standing near the door. "I have to get the unit ready for tommorow. Could you watch him for like an hour?"

Spencer nodded. "No problem." He looked back down at the boy.

"How did you like Ms. Lily?"

He paid attention as the little boy gushed about his new babysitter, bringing his eyes up to see JJ watch them for a few moments before leaving. He looked back down at the boy, nodding.

"Wow, she sounds really nice."

"She pretty too, Daddy. I think I'll ask her to be my girlfriend."

Spencer looked at him, shocked. "Dont you think-"

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he took it out to see Ryan calling. He answered, looking at the little boy.

"Henry is going to ask his 20 year old baby sitter to be his girlfriend."

"Rock on." Ryan said with a chuckle. "Did you get my messages?"

"Is that Ms. Ryan?" Henry asked before grabbing the phone. "Ms. Ryan! Hi!"

Spencer smiled at him before taking the phone back. "Henry misses you."

"A lot, Daddy. I miss her a lot."

"I miss him too. I wish he could come this weekend. Next visit, though? JJ will be okay with that, right?"

"Yeah, sure. Are you still at the station?"

"Yeah. I volunteered to go over the files. I thought you might.." She trailed off.

"I'm glad." he said, softly. "I don't want you to get hurt or...you know."

"I know." She said, matching his tone. "Maybe you could teach me about geological profiling this weekend. So I have a reason to keep in the stations."

He nodded. "Definitely. I could teach you everything I know. I mean it's not like its difficult. It's just calculating the distances between the-"

She chuckled, hearing the excitement in his voice. "Not right now, Spence. I should go, I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Right. Still working."

"Uh huh. And I don't read as fast as you. So unfair."

"I could teach you some speed reading tips too."

She chuckled again. "God, I miss you. I'll call you as soon as we leave for the hotels."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Ms. Ryan!" Henry said, leaning in to scream it into the phone. Ryan chuckled.

"I love you too. and Henry too. Tell him I love him too."

"Do you think that that will change, with...everything?" Spencer asked, suddenly. He had thinking about it since finding out about the new baby. He couldn't help but ask now.

Ryan was quiet for a moment, thinking about it. "Me loving Henry? No. I mean, I'm sure I'll love...her differently, but.." She cleared her throat as Sarah walked past her. She waited until the woman was out of earshot. "They'll be brother and sister. Plus, I could never not love Henry, Spence. That's why I'd never ask you to choose us over him."

Spencer nodded. "We got a lot to talk about."

"We do. This weekend. I promise."

Spencer said his goodbyes before closing the phone. He and Ryan had so much to talk about. He had so much to decide. He looked down at the little boy. Spencer was going to have two kids. Two kids on two different coasts. How did he get himself into this? And what was he going to do about it?


	8. Chapter 8

Ryan made her way to the door, rubbing the back of her neck. She was exhausted. She was going to shower and then make her way to the airport. Then, she and Spencer were going to bed. To sleep. She reached for the door and frowned, noticing it was unlocked. She closed her eyes and sighed. Today was not the day. She pulled out her gun, ready to shoot any one who decided to be stealing her stuff. So much for trying to be safe at work. The bad guys just came straight to her damn house. She pushed the door open and looked around the living room - nothing. She did the same with the kitchen before frowning. Nothing seemed to be missing. She slowly made her way to the bedroom and paused when she heard a noise. Damn it. She took a deep breath, trying to decide what to do. She was an agent. She could take down the stupid idiot trying to take her jewelry, but she could only imagine Spencer's reaction. He'd be upset that she went in and 'saved the day' by herself. She was pregnant and-

"Hey-Oh Whoa! Don't shoot me!" Spencer squeaked, raising his hands up when she flinched and aimed at him as he exited her bedroom.

"Shit! Spencer! What the hell are you doing?" She yelled after realizing it was him. She lowered the gun, glaring at him.

"I uh.. I-I-I- What are you doing? You thought someone broke in and you go in. You could have got shot!"

"I am a Federal Agent, Spencer." She said, holstering her gun. Didn't she just have this conversation?

"You're pregnant, though! You.. you.. if someone had.."

Ryan let out a breath, looking at the man in front of her. Normal attire. He had cut his hair again. She smiled, finally seeing the flowers in his hand. He had planned this. Ryan made her way to him, moving her hands to his cheeks.

"No one was here, but you, though. It's fine. We're fine."

He stops his stuttering before handing her the white roses. "I got you these."

She took the flowers and looked at them. "They're beautiful. How did you..."

"Elle let me borrow her key."

Ryan glared. Elle had been keeping things from her. She looked back at him, watching him study her. As if he was making sure she was okay. She was a little shaken up by his surprise, sure, but more excited now. He was finally here. She leaned up and kissed him.

"Did you plan anything else?"

He shook his head, taking the flowers from her and setting them on the desk to the left of them before he wrapped his arms around her.

"I didn't really have a plan." He said, burying his face into her neck, leaving small kisses at the skin. "I missed you."

Her eyes closed as he breathed against her neck, a hand moving to his neatly-groomed hair. It was strange how the simple words touched her. She had missed him too, so much. Too much, almost. She chalked up to the baby and left it at that, not wanting to analyze her feelings for the man too much.

"I missed you too."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Spencer. If you don't stop tapping your foot, I'm going to break it." Ryan said, sitting in the doctor's office, waiting for the obstrecian to come in.

Spencer looked up, his foot stopping. "Sorry, I'm nervous."

Ryan reached out and grabbed his hand. "I know." She said, looking at him before smiling a little. "I'm sorry. I am too. I didn't mean to get mean."

Spencer nodded and kissed her knuckles. "It's fine."

The doctor entered the room and smiled at the couple. "Hello! I'm Dr. Lang."

Spencer and Ryan shared a look. She was very happy. Maybe too happy?

"So, Ms. Williams, I looked over the tests your gyncelogist took and you are definitely pregnant. We'll figure out your due date today and take some tests, order some others. Answer all your questions. I assume this is the father to be."

Spencer nodded. "Yes, uh. Reid. Spencer.. Spencer Reid. I'm.. we're.. she's my girlfriend."

Dr. Lang smiled assumed. "First child for you both, then?"

Ryan looked at Spencer who shook his head. "Uh. No. I.. Well, this is the first time that I've.. I have a son, but I didn't go to any of the appointments. Not-Not that-"

Ryan watched as Dr. Lang turned to her as Spencer continued to stumble. Ryan squeezed his hand, causing him to stop. "He has a son. It's my first pregnancy though."

Dr. Lang nodded. "Good, great. Alright. Well, the nurse already took you through a physical exam, right? taking blood pressure and everything. First off,I'll ask you both some questions, to help figure out your medical histories. Then, We'll do a pelvic exam and take some blood for some other tests, to figure out if there could be any problems with your pregnancy. It's all very routine. Do you know your blood type, both of you?"

"A negative." Ryan said.

"O negative." Spencer answered and Ryan rolled her eyes.

"You would have the rarest blood type, wouldn't you? Is there nothing normal about you, Spence?"

He flushed a little and Dr. Lang smiled.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan ran her fingers down the man's arm before grabbing his hand, leaning her head against his bicep, waiting for the receptionist to set up their next appointment.

"July 25th."

Spencer looked down at her with a slight smile. "July 25th."

The receptionist smiled between them. "The doctor will see you again when the baby is at 6 weeks. Which is the 28th, according to this. When do you want to schedule that appointment?"

"That's a Sunday." Spencer murmured, looking at Ryan. Ryan looked at him. She still couldn't believe he just knew things like that. But then again, that was only 2 weeks away. She bit her lip, looking at the woman.

"Can we do it on that day? We both...work." She looked up at Spencer, who frowned.

"I can call in sick, stay until-"

"We can schedule it for that Monday." The receptionist said, looking between them. Spencer nodded, looking at her.

"That's fine."

"Spence, you can't miss work like that. We'll schedule it for that next Saturday."

Spencer turned to her and Ryan looked back at him. She was going to be stubborn about this. He wasn't going to miss work for their appointments. They would wait.

"It's fine, Ry-"

"Saturday." She said before they stared at each other, waiting for the other to blink first. Spencer sighed and looked back at the receptionist.

"the fourth will be better."

Ryan smiled, largely, resting her head back on his arm. He couldn't compete with her. She watched as Spencer grabbed the appointment card before he looked back down at her. She looked up at him and smiled innocently. He kissed her forehead before walking with her out of the office.

Once they were at the car, he turned to her.

"We could have done it on the 29th, that would have been fine."

"You have to be at work, Spencer. You live in DC. You can't be in Vegas on Monday."

Spencer sighed. "But at six weeks, you can see the heart beating and.. we have to wait until the end of that week, I... what?" He said, seeing Ryan's eyes soften.

"You're excited." She stated.

Spencer frowned, was she shocked by this? He pulled her closer. "Of course. I've been reading about morning sickness and what's happening with you and the baby every week and..." He was cut off by her lips on his own.

She wasn't shocked that he was excited. It was just overwhelming. Everything was overwhelming. She had just had a woman's fingers in her, checking out her uterus before taking blood. Due Dates and Ultra sounds and Spencer's medical history. Everything and then, he was standing here in front of here, excited. It just made everything...real. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Spencer wrapped his arms around her waist before he pulled back, looking at her.

"Are you okay?" He asked, seeing her eyes wet.

She nodded, burying her face in his chest. "We're going to have a baby. July 25."

"July 25. She'll be a Leo. Did you know that Leos are the most-"

"Spencer, just shut up and enjoy the moment."

Spencer smiled to himself and pressed his lips against her forehead, letting her have her minute.


	9. Chapter 9

Ryan watched him as he set on the edge of the bed. She watched as drops of water ran down his bare back from his hair before he ran the towel through his hair. She smiled when he looked over his shoulder at her. She was so glad he was here. It felt...right. She made a face at that. She wondered if all the baby hormones was making her feel more for Spencer. She couldn't stop thinking about Diana's words. Maybe it was just...time for her to find someone like him and settle down. She was 26 years old. It wasn't time for her to settle down. She had so much more to do. This was her first real adult relationship that didn't only consist sex. This was the first time she had let someone in like this since her parents death. She thought about her first boyfriend, the first boy she had 'loved'. They had been dating for a few months before the terrorist attack. She lost her virginity to him and clung to him for the next two months, because he loved her. He broke up with her that January because she wouldn't tell him she loved him. Had she loved him? She to this day didn't know. She looked at Spencer, who wiped his face with the towel once more before turning towards her. She watched as he crawled up the bed before pushing up the shirt she was wearing. She watched as he ran his fingers over her skin under her belly button. He kissed right about the hem of her underwear.

"Hi Baby Reid."

She held her breath, listening to him.

"I know you don't even have ears yet, but I just wanted to introduce myself. Even though, I mean, I know that you're half of me, so you kind of already know me, but.. to the other half that isn't my DNA, I just wanted to say hi. I'm your Daddy."

Ryan smiled. He was such a nerd, but she couldn't help but feel warm all over. She reached out for him, he could talk to the baby later. He looked up at her before kissing her stomach and moving to rest beside her. She kissed his nose before his lips.

"I love you."

Spencer smiled at her, pushing her hair out of her face. "I love you too."

Ryan shifted, resting her head on his chest. She closed her eyes as his fingers moved against her back. "We're having a baby." She said, softly. It was still so unreal.

"We are."

"Did you mean all that stuff about going to New York and learning the language?"

Spencer looked down at her as she raised her head to see his reaction.

"Of course, Ryan. Your parents are part of you and she should know everything about them. We'll do whatever it takes for that to happen."

"And your parents?"

"She'll know my parents too."

"Henry still hasn't met your mom, though. And you mentioned the mental illness to Dr. Lang."

"There's an 11 percent chance that she could develop schizophrenia."

Ryan shook her head. "so that means we shouldn't introduce our daughter to your mom. I like your mom, Spence. I want her and Mr. Reid to be a part of her life."

"I just think we should be careful with her. She has her bad days and-"

"Spencer. She's in an institution. It's not like she's dangerous."

"She can be. She's a paranoid schizophrenic, Ryan. You don't know what it's like."

Ryan looked up at him, wondering how much she didn't know about the man and his childhood. She frowned before moving up to his cheek.

"Tell me about your childhood."

"I took care of her. That's all."

Ryan watched as he looked away. He was hiding things and she didn't like it. They were going to be parents and if he had issues, they should talk about them.

"Spencer, talk to me."

Spencer looked down at her, playing with her hair. He sighed.

"When she had me, she went off her medications and stayed off until I was four. She went back on them after she helped a man kill a child molester. She stayed on them until my father left us. For the next eight years, I took care of her. I fed her. I made sure she bathed. Sometimes, she got angry. Sometimes, she would throw the food at the walls because she thought I had put things in her food. She'd make me say things and do things because she thought the government was watching and listening. Once I went to school, when I would come back, sometimes, she'd forget who I was and try to hurt me when I walked into the house."

"Oh Spence. But she's better now. She's on medications and everything."

"I know. I just... I don't want them to have to deal with all that, you know?"

Ryan ran her fingers over his chin. She could understand his fears.

"And then, I worry that she or Henry will develop it. and..." He shook his head.

"If they do, then we'll be here for them. You won't be alone, Spencer. I'm not going anywhere."

Spencer looked at her. "Even if Henry..."

"Spencer, stop that. We're going to have a baby. That means you and I are going to be in each other's life for the rest of our lives. Henry is part of the family. End of story. I am not going to take our daughter away from you if he develops schizophrenia."

Spencer leaned down and kissed her lips. "I love you."

"You better, you're stuck with me. Better or For worse."

Ryan bit on her bottom lip as soon as she said it. Just because they were having a baby didn't mean they were getting married or anything drastic like that. Not that having a baby wasn't drastic.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Did I mention I visited your mom?"

Spencer looked up from the paper. "What?"

Ryan pulled on her shirt before running her fingers through her hair again. "Yeah, I visited her. We talked about you. me. Things."

Spencer folded the paper, watching as the woman moved around the kitchen before pausing next to him. She grabbed his coffee cup and sipped it before making a face.

"When am I going to learn? That's disgusting, Spencer."

He just gave her a look before she sighed. "I wanted to get to know her some more. She's going to be a grandmother to our daughter, so I thought..."

"And it went well?" Spencer asked, grabbing back his cup.

"It didn't go badly. We should get going to breakfast with the group."

"That's all you're going to tell me?"

Ryan kissed his nose before grabbing her purse and heading to the door. "That's all you need to know, sweetie."

"She's my mother." He said, standing up. "I should know what you are talking to her about."

"I told you. You. Me. Things."

Spencer sighed, setting down the cup and following her.

"Ryan."

Ryan turned around and kissed him. "She likes me. That's all that matters. She thinks I'm good for you, I think."

"Oh. Yeah?" He smiled. He knew that his mother didn't dislike Ryan when they had visited last time. She had the tendency to voice her disapproval.

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "You didn't think she liked me?"

"No... I... just.."

"Well she does. We understand each other."

Spencer closed the door behind him, looking at her, confused. "You understand her?"

"Must be that mother thing."

"You're only 4 weeks along, Ryan."

"I'm a quick learner." She kissed his cheek, leaning around him to lock the door. "Oh, and you're giving your key back to Elle."

"I gave you a key to the house." Spencer said, with a slight pout.

"Which you moved out of. I don't have a key to your DC apartment." Ryan said, looking back at him, pointedly, before walking to the car.

Spencer frowned. He couldn't really argue with that.

Ryan leaned against the car before pulling him closer by his tie. "Don't look so stressed. I don't want a key. I think a baby is enough right now, don't you?"

She was all over the place. She knew it. She hated it. One day she was talking about forever and better and worse, and the next, she was trying to push him back by not needing a key. She didn't have any answers. On the other hand, Spencer didn't seem to notice. He shrugged.

"You can have a key. I don't mind. It just seems like it'd be more sensible if you gave me a key, seeing how I'm going to be here more often than you're going to be in DC."

She stared at him. Again, Spencer seemed to have all the answers. She sighed.

"Fine, you can have a key. Now come on, we're going to be late."


	10. Chapter 10

Garcia watched as JJ ran her hands through her hair as she paused her pacing. Their girl's night had became a therapy session. Garcia sipped her comsopolition, waiting. She knew that the woman was going to explode any moment.

"He didn't call Henry tonight." JJ said, looking at her.

"Did you call him?" Garcia asked, setting down the drink. They had talked about Will already and Garcia had been waiting for when the conversation was going to get back to their favorite sexy little genius.

"It's not my job to make sure he calls his son to say Goodnight. He shouldn't be too busy when his new girlfriend and his new baby to call his son."

Garcia looked at the woman, confused. JJ, still not noticing her lapse in secrecy, started to pace again.

"I mean, is that's how it's going to be now? He's just going to forget about us. You know," She paused again and turned to Garcia. "He sort of did that once he got to Vegas. He got all friendly with his team down there and didn't even talk to Derek or Emily or you."

"His new...baby?"

JJ just shook her head. "He can't just replace us, Penelope. It's like he's replacing us."

"He's not replacing you. Ryan is pregnant?"

"He's all excited and going to her appointments now. I couldn't invite him to my appointments, Garcia. And even if I could have, he wouldn't have wanted to come. You remember when-"

"Jennifer!"

JJ's spell broke and she looked at Garcia, confused.

"Ryan's pregnant?"

A look of shock and regret ran over the blonde's face. "Shit." She rubbed her forehead. "Pen, you can't tell Spencer that I told you. I'm sure that he doesn't want everyone to know yet and..."

Garcia just stared at her. She couldn't believe it. JJ flopped down next to her, taking Garcia's cosmo and finished it off with a sigh.

"He's moving on. New baby. New girlfriend. He doesn't need us." She looked straight. "He doesn't need me."

"You sound pathetic."

JJ turned to look at her friend, offended. Garcia placed her hand on the woman's arm.

"I love you, JJ. You know that but, Honey. Really?"

JJ pouted. "What?"

"Okay, one, Spencer is a cutie, no doubt. His nerdiness only adds to his charm, but honey, there are plenty of hot and nerdy men out there. Two, he went to Las Vegas to be with his girlfriend. His new girlfriend that lives thousands miles away now. They probably got lost in the moment and forgot the time. And Three, if there's a baby in the mix, they both have to be freaking out a little. Do you remember what you felt like when you found out when you were pregnant and Will was still living in New Orleans?"

"I knew it was Spencer's." She muttered.

Garcia shook her head. "Don't even get me start on that fact, Jayje."

JJ leaned back in the seat and sighed. Garcia was right. Garcia was always right.

"I don't want anyone else though, Pen. I see him with Henry and I just... I realize every mistake I made and it's like... We could have been a family. We could be expecting a baby and... he's promising her things and he's been reading baby books and everything. He's excited, even if he's freaking out. He's excited and I...I feel like I missed out on all that. He's going to come back and he's going to tell me about it. Me! Do you know how hard it is to sit there and see him so excited about a baby he's having with someone else? It's..."

"I know, Jayje. I know, but you're his best friend. You're his... I don't know what you are, but you have to be happy for him. He needs you to understand. You chose to let him go and he found someone and he's happy."

JJ wrapped her arms around her chest, sighing again. She didn't want to talk about this anymore. Tomorrow was Sunday and Spencer would be home and that's all that mattered.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"So where we headed to now?" Will asked, wrapping his arm around Spencer's shoulders. Ryan just rolled her eyes, pushing the New Yorker away.

"We're going to go home and spend the day in bed." She said with a wink and Will grinned.

"Oh yeah? That sounds good. Can I join?"

Ryan smacked the man. "Pervert."

She looked back at Spencer to see him, flustered. She grinned before grabbing his hands. "No, we're actually going to see his mom and then hang out until his plane leaves."

"Sucks that you have to go back so soon, Doc." Will said. "But...you know, you could tell Jennifer that I asked about her. Put in a good word for me, you know? Mention that I...played soccer for my high school."

"You did not." Ryan said with a laugh.

"So what? She doesn't have to know that."

Ryan looked up at Spencer's reaction. She always caught herself, looking for something that told her the man still was head over heels for the blond. She knew that there was something about the two that wasn't completely platontic, and it irked her, but they had a child together - a very cute child that Ryan loved. She couldn't let her own insecurities and jealousy get in the way. Ryan bit on her bottom lip as Spencer remained quiet before his lips curled into a half-smile.

"You shouldn't start a relationship on a lie, Will."

"I'm not looking for a relationship." Will said with a wink and Spencer shook his head.

"JJ's not like that."

Ryan snorted, unable to contain it, causing Spencer and Will to both look at her. She tried to cover it with a cough, but it was too late. Will chuckled, deciding to make his exit with that. Spencer kept his eyes on her.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Ryan asked, innocently, grabbing a hold of his arm. Spencer frowned.

"I thought you were over your jealousy."

Admiting she was jealous to herself was different than having him say something about it. Ryan glared.

"I'm not jealous. I just think you have a...skewed vision of your beloved JJ."

"And you're not jealous?" Spencer asked at the obvious sarcastic nature of her statement.

Ryan let go of his arm as they made their way over to her car. "She used you for sex, got knocked up and then lied about the baby's daddy because she didn't think you'd be able to handle being a father. She didn't believe in you and it...kind of pisses me off that once we got together, she didn't back off. She got her chance and she blew it. She shouldn't be in my man's bed in her panties, trying to get up on it."

"In your man's bed, trying to...what?"

Ryan shook her head and rubbed her temples. "Spencer, I love you and I say this with all the love in my heart and respect for you and your family, but JJ's skanky and I'm never going to like her." She went to wrap her arms around his neck and he grabbed her wrists, pausing her.

"...Skanky? Ryan, she's the mother of my child."

"And I'm going to be too, remember?"

Spencer's eyes fell from her face to her stomach. She was going to be. He sighed, running his hands down her arms.

"I just don't like it when you two talk bad about each other. You're both important to me and-"

"I know, Spencer. It's...honorable that you stand up for her, but I'm your girlfriend."

He looked down at her as she slightly pouted. He smiled and kissed her lips. "You are my girlfriend."

"And you love me?"

"And I love you."

Ryan leaned into his chest, enjoying the sounds of his heartbeat, slightly fast. She listened to it as it slowed back to its normal beat, breathing in his scent. They both were a little riled up, something that she imagined would happen at every mention of the blond. The blonde that he lived so close to now. "Spence?" She asked, softly. "You...and JJ...haven't... Nothing's happened, right?"

Spencer looked down to see Ryan looking up at him. He had never seen her look so young. It was almost scary. He had to be honest. He took a deep breath. He didn't know if he should mention it, but he felt it was worth it. It was an intimate moment, to him at least.

"I told her about the baby."


	11. Chapter 11

Ryan drove back to her apartment, silently. Spencer remained quiet as well, feeling the tension. He knew she was upset, but he couldn't understand why. It wasn't a big deal that JJ knew. Even after the fact JJ had told him that it hurt her, he was still excited. He still wanted to be here with Ryan and their baby. He jumped from his thoughts when he heard the car door slam, and quickly, got out of the car to follow the upset woman.

"Ryan."

Ryan turned around to face him in the house. "What, Spencer?"

He stared at her a moment, sort of shocked by her tone. It was cold. She was angry.

"I don't understand why you're..."

"You told her about the baby."

"You told Elle!" He said, unable to see the difference. Elle was her best friend; JJ was his.

Ryan stared at him, incredulously, before shaking her head. "Elle isn't JJ. And I didn't tell Elle. She just knew. I'm sure you went right over there after I left and shared all your news."

"...She's my best friend, Ryan. I was excited. I was scared, I-"

"You needed to run right back into her arms, because you can't ever just..." She trailed off and turned away from him with a sigh.

"She's my best friend." He repeated and Ryan turned back to him.

"You need a new best friend." She said, her anger melting into frustration. She didn't know how he didn't understand why this was a big deal. And Maybe it wasn't. She could be overreacting, but she couldn't help it. She knew their history and she was jealous. She didn't want the woman to be such a big part of his life. The biggest part of his life. She had picked her, hadn't he?

Spencer stared at the woman, unsure of what to say. Ryan sighed at the look.

"I know you two have Henry and that you're...close, but."

"But what?"

"But You're too close! You tell her everything and you two... the way you guys interact is just... It's not..." She didn't know how to word what she wanted to say without sounding crazy. She sighed. "Can't you just find a new best friend. A guy best friend. I mean, you and Morgan are close. You could tell Morgan and talk... Or Grey! Grey had kids. and Will. You guys could bond over that or something."

Spencer just looked at her before sitting down. "JJ and I have a special-"

"Bullshit, Spencer! You have a special bond with me! I'm your girlfriend and I'm telling you that..." She closed her eyes nad took a deep breath, before starting again, more calmly.

"I'm just saying that it makes me uncomfortable. It's more than you telling her about the baby. You run to her about everything and anything and she's always there to take you in her arms and...it's... I know your history with her and it makes me nervous. I know you're a good man. I know you are, but I..." She shrugged, tiredness rushing over her. She sat next to him. "I just get scared that you're going to fall back into that. That I'm going to be like her Will."

Spencer looked down at his hands. He knew she had a point, but he knew that they were only friends. He had told JJ that. He had reassured Ryan multiple times about that as well. He knew that JJ still had feelings for him. He knew that she didn't like that he was having a baby with Ryan. Should he tell Ryan that? That would only make things worse, but he should be honest with her, shouldn't he? He turned to the brunette next to him, his eyes scanning her face. She was upset and tired. She even looked a little sick. He frowned. Now was not the time. She noticed the look and her eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"What is it, Spencer?"

If he said nothing, he'd be lying. He reached out and pushed the hair out of her face.

"I love you." He said and it only seemed to make Ryan more anxious.

"Spence.."

"Why don't we just go lay down. You look tired. We'll talk about this later."

The anxious look turned into a slight glare. "Oh no. You have something to say. Say it."

Spencer sighed. "It's...nothing, Ryan. I understand where you're coming from and I know that the distance doesn't help. And the fact that..there are still feelings there isn't-"

"You still love her?" Anger melted into sadness and Spencer shook his head, quickly to keep her from breaking down.

"No, no, That's not what I'm saying. I mean, I feel her for her, yes, but not like that. I mean, I... What I was talking about was how JJ feels. Not what I feel. What I feel.. I feel.. I love you, Ryan. I love you and our baby and I want us and this and it doesn't matter if JJ's upset about it or anything, because you're the one I want."

Ryan stood up and ran her hands through her hair. His little speech didn't help much. It actually made things worse. He didn't sound sure. It wasn't the speech she had been hoping for. The speech made her feel like she was the only one he saw. She shook her head and picked up her keys before handing them to him.

"Go visit your mom, Spencer."

"But we're..."

"Go. Please."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Ryan sighed and looked up at the clock. Spencer had been gone for hours. 30 minutes after he had left, She had called Elle, who was now sitting with her in her living room.

"He leaves in two hours."

"He's probably just with his mom, Ryan."

"But he leaves in two hours. and I might not get to see him for three weeks. We can't leave it like this."

"I'm sure he's not even upset. He's just giving you time."

"But if he _is_ upset and he doesn't talk to me then he's going to-"

"Don't. Ryan, you just got into a fight with him over that. And you're sitting here doing it again. He's not with JJ anymore. He's with you."

"Right, but he lives-"

"And he flies down here to be with you. Reid isn't rich, Ryan. I mean... I'm sure he's used that mind to get..." Elle paused, thinking about it. "Is he rich?"

Ryan looked at the woman like she was crazy. Elle shook her head. "The point is that he spends his money to come see you. Because he wants this to work and if you keep blaming him for his past, this isn't going to."

"Okay, but the present-JJ is still in love with him."

"And Spencer's a big boy."

"Yeah, but she's-"

"Ryan."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "You don't understand. You're her friend."

"You're right. We were friends. I know JJ. You don't."

Ryan bit her tongue and looked away. Elle sighed.

"You didn't see how he looked at her, Ryan. You didn't see the excitement on his face when Gideon gave him the tickets to ask her out -

"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" Ryan asked but stayed quiet after Elle glared.

"-and how they protected each other when his mom was in danger. They are close. They were close before their fling and that's not going to change. You just got to get used to that. She's the first woman in his life other than his mother that he completely trusts and cares for. He's not going to get over that."

"So what? Are you saying that there's just no chance for anyone else? JJ and Spencer are just meant to be and nothing can get in the way. I should just give up now."

Elle rolled her eyes at Ryan's sarcasm. "No. I'm saying it's going to take a strong woman and if you're going to be a bitch about his relationship with her, you're going to lose him. Spencer would never push JJ out of his life, nor could he push you out now that you're pregnant. He's a good guy and he's going to do right by both of you. Just don't make him choose."

Ryan shook her head. "I'm not making him choose. Is it such a bad thing that I want to matter more than his ex? I mean, I am his girlfriend. _I'm _his girlfriend."


	12. Chapter 12

Diana stood and hugged her son before looking behind him.

"Where's Ryan?"

Spencer frowned, fingering the woman's keys in his pockets. He still didn't understand the fight they had just had, but he knew it was bad. She had basically kicked him out of the apartment.

"Spencer?"

Spencer turned to look at his mother. "What?"

Diana frowned, looking at the boy in front of her. "What happened? Did you and Ryan have a fight?"

Spencer shrugged and Diana shook her head. "Oh, Spencer. This isn't about that Jareau woman is it?"

He looked sharply at his mother. She sounded disappointed. Did his mother not like JJ either?

"You need to move on, son."

He frowned before shaking his head. "It's nothing, Mom. I don't want to talk about it."

"You aren't shutting her out, are you, Spencer? Oh, son, you can't keep everyone out. She cares about you. I can tell, just by how she reacts to talking about you. She's a good woman."

"You don't even know her, Mom. You don't know JJ either. Your opinion isn't needed."

Diana looked at her son for a second before Spencer rubbed his forehead. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't-"

"You're upset."

"Ryan's hurt because I'm close with JJ. I don't...Am I supposed to get rid of my friend because I love Ryan?"

"Women are...delicate, Spencer. They feel...more than men. Definitely when another woman is involved with their mate."

Spencer raised an eyebrow.

"It's animalistic. We're all animals, you know that."

"We have higher thinking than animals. We can rationalize. She can rationalize that I care for her. That I came here for her and if I was going to cheat on her, I would..."

"You would what?"

"I would have already done it!"

"Spencer Thomas! I didn't raise you-"

"I'm not going to cheat on her, Mom. I'm not saying that. I'm saying I've had the opportunities to do wrong by her and I haven't. I'm not going to. I respect her. I... She's...I..."

Diana watched him.

"I love her. I don't want to have... I mean, I don't want to...do anything...with anyone else. I enjoy her company and being in her presence and... I don't need to cheat on her with JJ. I don't want to be with JJ."

"Then tell her that, Spencer. She needs to hear it."

"But I still love JJ." Spencer said, softly.

"You're in love with her?"

"I... I can't...She's my best friend. I...need her. I need to know what she thinks, how she feels. I need to tell her how I feel...and she cares about what I think. She's always listened to me, Mom. Even when no one else would. She was there for me when..." Spencer paused and shook his head. "Maybe we didn't have the best relationship. Maybe we don't still, but...she's...we're... I can't push her away. I won't. It's not fair of Ryan to ask me to. ...Is it?"

Diana ran her fingers over the man's forehead, brushing his hair away from his face. It was soft and comforting as his mind worked overtime, trying to figure out the situation with Ryan.

"Is it?" She repeated and he sighed.

He didn't expect his mother to give him advice. She wasn't one to give advice. She lectured and wanted the student to relate it to themselves. She had lectured him multiple times, creating allusions from literature. He sighed.

"It isn't."

"But," Diana said.

"But..." Spencer said, unsure of what he was supposed to say.

Diana just shook her head. "You know what's right, Spencer. I raised you to do the right thing."

He wanted to do the right thing. He just didn't know what the right thing was entirely.

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Spencer waited for the door open. When it did, he felt sick. He shouldn't be here.

"Spencer?" William Reid said, confused.

"I...need advice." He heard him say before he could stop it.

William looked at her before opening the door wider. "Come in."

Spencer nodded, walking into the house. His eyes caught the pictures on the wall. They were of him. He made his way over to the pictures before looking back at his dad, who was busying himself with something else.

"This is from my graduation."

"I told you I was there."

Spencer looked at the pictures. He hadn't really believed him until now.

"Spencer, what are you doing here?"

"Ryan kicked me out." He said, his eyes moving over to a picture of his mother and father. They looked happy. They couldn't remember a time when they were happy.

"What happened?" William asked and Spencer turned to see the man sitting down. He joined him, sitting across from the man. He seemed like he was geniuinely interested. Spencer rubbed his hands together.

"I.. Well, you met JJ..Henry's mom."

William nodded and Spencer nodded too, in habit.

"Right, well... Ryan and JJ don't get along. JJ doesn't like Ryan. Ryan doesn't like her. But they're both... a part of my life. They're both important and I... I don't want to choose."

"Well, who's more important to you?"

Spencer frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You can be close to JJ all you want, but if Ryan isn't...doesn't feel more important than that distaste for JJ is never going to go away. She's always going to feel like second best, when she deserves to be the number one. She's your girlfriend, is she not?"

"But JJ's my best friend."

William shook his head. "You aren't trying to build a future with your best friend though, son. You're in a relationship with Ryan. Even if your best friend was a guy and you were putting him first, Ryan would still feel the way she does."

Spencer didn't think so, but he stayed quiet.

"You love her?"

"Yes."

"Then you should treat her like she's the only woman in the world. Before your best friend. Before anyone. Because, that's... just what love is."

"You left Mom though. if love is about treating her like she's the only one, how you could you leave?"

"I still love your mother, Spencer. I haven't remarried. I haven't ever felt anything like what I felt for you mother. but she was sick, Spencer. and she wasn't taking care of herself. She wasn't the woman that I-"

"But if you love her, you take care of her. You help her get better! You stay."

"So you're saying love is unconditional?"

"I don't know!" Spencer said, standing up in frustration. "I don't know. that's why I need advice. I... I don't like not knowing. I'm...I don't... do this. I know the answers. I know how it works and how to fix it and...I... I don't even know what I did wrong and I don't understand why you left and how you could leave if love is..." He sighed.

"Spencer."

Spencer ran his hands through his hair. "How could you leave her? She was the mother of your child. She... loved you and...She needed you."

"She needed help that I couldn't give her. Spencer, I knew about her illness before we got married and we... we talked about it. Your mother knew what a schizophernic was like without her medications. We had been through it with her brother and she knew that I wouldn't... that I couldn't be there if she wasn't on her meds. And then we had you and she went off them and it was okay, because it was for you, but...then everything... after that Jenkins boy, things got good for a while and then they got bad. They got really bad. And you blocked it out because that's what you do. You block out the things that hurt. You-"

"You don't know me." Spencer said, shaking his head. He wasn't going to listen to his father talk about him like he had there for everything, or anything.

"I do. You're just like your mother, Spencer. You always have been. I worried so much about you, watching you become so much like her. She's brillant and she's an amazing person, just like you, but... she's so closed, Spencer. And I see that in you. I see you standing here, asking for advice about Ryan and JJ. You've opened yourself up to JJ and you're at the point where you have to open yourself up to Ryan."

"I'm open to Ryan. I told her I love her. I told her about Mom and she's met you and Henry and she knows-"

"But you're holding onto JJ. You're not letting yourself move completely on. You're not giving yourself to Ryan."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Spencer entered Ryan's apartment to see her curled up on the couch. He had been driving around after speaking to his father. The man had gotten to him. He knew him too well for not speaking to him for years. It was strange and it had struck him deeply.

Spencer made his way over to the couch. He grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch before tucking it in around her. She stirred, looking up at him.

"Spence. It's late. Your plane..."

"I changed my flight. We needed to talk." He said, sitting down.

Ryan nodded before moving so she was snuggled into him. "I didn't think you were coming back. I..."

"I'd never leave without saying goodbye, Ryan." He said, running his fingers through her curls.

"I'm sorry." She buried her face into his neck, pulling the blanket around them both. "I'm jealous and selfish and needy and..."

Spencer shook his head. "You're not."

"I am. I know I am, Spencer. JJ's...important to you and I can't ask for you to push her away."

"You're more important."

Ryan pulled back and locked eyes with him. "You mean that?"

Spencer looked at her, seeing the shocked and awed expression on her face. He carressed her cheek, nodding. "I do. You're..."

"Don't just say it, Spencer. If you don't mean it, that's okay. I... I get it."

Spencer pulled her close and kissed her lips. "Ryan, shut up."

She cocked an eyebrow and pursed his lips, unimpressed, but most importantly, she kept silent. He smiled and ran his fingers though her hair.

"It takes me a long time to trust someone. and I trust JJ with...everything I am. I know that she's... going to be there for me. Even if it's not the best way."

Ryan watched him, unsure of what to say.

"And everything between us has gone so fast and it's...a little overwhelming."

"Are you saying you don't trust me?" Ryan asked, a little hurt.

"I'm saying that I'm... that..." He sighed, playing with her curls. "I'm saying it's easier to turn to JJ and that's not fair to you and I'm going to try to be better. It's just... you have to be patient with me."

Ryan stared at him for a second before taking a deep breath and letting it out in a sigh. She leaned her forehead against his. "I can do that. If you can be patient with me and my jealousy."

He closed his eyes, breathing her in. "I can do that."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Ryan moved to kiss him, feeling a little better. "We missed you, Daddy."

Spencer opened his eyes, slowly before smiling a little. "Yeah?"

She nodded, kissing down his jaw as her hands moved up under his shirt. "So much."

Spencer watched her. "So we...are okay?"

Ryan kissed him. "We will."

He watched as she pulled back to unbutton the shirt. He grabbed her hands causing her to look up at him, confused. He kissed her before moving her against the couch.

"I have to call Henry, first."

She pouted a little and Spencer kissed her again. "I didn't call him last night and I was supposed to come home tonight. I don't want him to worry."

Ryan nodded, running her hands down his back to his khakis. She slipped her hand in his pocket before pulling out the phone with a grin. Spencer chuckled and kissed her nose, taking the phone from her and sitting back up. Ryan moved with him, snuggling back into his side, listening to him talk to his son.

Once Spencer hung up, he looked down to see Ryan asleep. He smiled, shaking his head, before laying down with her. She stirred before wrapping her arms around him.

"Love you." She muttered, burying her face into his chest.

"I love you."


	13. Chapter 13

"Did he ever come back?" Will asked, sitting on Elle's desk. Elle shrugged.

"I left at 5. He wasn't there. Did he come to your place?"

"No. I wonder-" Will cleared his throat as Ryan made her way onto the floor.

Ryan noticed their eyes immediately and grinned.

"He must have come back." Will muttered and Elle nodded as Ryan made her way to them.

"Great day isn't it?"

"Someone got laid." Will joked.

"Twice. Once in the shower." Ryan said, leaning against the desk, smirk on her lips.

Elle made a face. "I so did not need to know that."

"I'm surprised the Doc would do it in the shower." Will said with a shrug as he sipped his drink.

"with 110,000 shower-related accidents a year, yeah, I know." Ryan said.

Elle shook her head, standing up. "I am not talking about this."

Will watched as she left before looking at Ryan. "So everything's okay?"

She nodded, straightening up. "I think so. I don't know. We're okay, but he goes back to DC in a few hours so...who knows?"

Will stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder. "It'll be fine."

Ryan shrugged. "We'll see, won't we?"

"I'll kick his ass if he hurts you, you know that."

Ryan laughed. "I'll kick his ass if he hurts me."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Elle grabbed Spencer's arm, pulling him back into the elevator as soon as she saw him.

Spencer opened his mouth to speak before Elle cut him off.

"We need to talk. About Ryan. I don't know what happened when you got back there, Spencer, but she's happy. And I know she wasn't happy after I left. So if you told her something just to get her to be happy and you didn't mean it and you're going to leave here and do the same things that made her unhappy then you need to go in there and tell her, because she's broken. She's as broken as you are and if you're messing with her and you're going to just run back to JJ, we're going to have problems."

"Elle."

"She tries to act tough and she is. She's a strong woman who doesn't let anyone in, but she's let you in and she's let me in and I've seen it, Spencer. I've seen that pain and I've seen the scared little girl and she's so terrified you're going to hurt her, that you're going to leave and...I honestly don't know what happens if she starts to trust that you're not and you do. So you better know what you're doing. Do you understand me? You better mean what you said last night or she's going to break and I don't know if she can handle it."

Spencer frowned as the woman walked back out of the elevator as it made its way back to the floor. He followed her out before making his way to Ryan's desk.

"Reid." Will called him out before Spencer could say something to Ryan. The man turned to look at Will, who was grinning.

"I guess you're not one of 110,000 huh?"

Spencer stared at him, confused before realizing what he was saying. He flushed profusely.

"Oh, don't be embarrassed. he's just jealous. Struck out last night, didn't you, Will?" Ryan said, wrapping her arms around the man.

Spencer saw Will roll his eyes before he turned his attention to Ryan. "Ready to go to lunch?"

She leaned up and kissed him. "No. After lunch, I have to drive you to the airport."

"I'll be back soon."

"Not soon enough."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Daddy!"

Spencer knelt to pick up the boywho wrapped his arms around his neck immediately. Spencer held the little boy close to him.

"I missed you, Daddy. I got scared."

"You got scared?" Spencer asked, looking at him.

"Papa left and he hasn't come back yet. I didn't think you come back too."

Spencer looked to JJ who had her arms crossed over her chest. She looked angry. He shook his head, looking back at Henry.

"Papa's going to come back. He's in Louisana, buddy. He's finding a big house so you can go there and visit him."

"But then he's going to go away again and I heard Mommy say that he forget about me."

Spencer shot JJ a glance before looking at Henry. "How could anyone forget about you. You're the best little boy in the whole world."

"You not going to leave and forget me too, are you?"

"No way. I'm not going anywhere, Henry, and I'm definitely not going to forget you. I could never forget you. Ever."

Henry watched him, as if trying to make sure he was telling him the truth before nodding and resting his head on his dad's shoulder. "Okay, but next time, I come with you."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Spencer closed the door behind him before looking at JJ.

"He heard you say that Will's going to forget about him?"

"I was on the phone and I was upset. I wasn't-"

"You have to be careful, Jennifer."

JJ's eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me?"

"He's jus a little boy and he's -"

"No, no, no. Wait one second. You're the one who didn't call him. You were the one who was too busy with your new girlfriend and your new baby, that you forgot about your son."

"I didn't forget about my son. This isn't about me-"

"Yes it is! He's losing Will, Spencer, and when you don't call, he thinks he's losing you too."

Spencer shook his head. "I called the next day."

"To say you wouldn't be coming home until the next day. Yeah, so much better. He's your son, Spencer. You can't just break your promises like that to him, no matter what's going on with Ryan."

"We had a fight and I needed-"

"You needed to get on a plane and be here for your son. Your child."

"Ryan's pregnant, JJ. with My child."

"Yeah and her baby is more important than Henry?"

"I didn't say that!"

"You sure inferred it."

"So what are you saying? I shouldn't go to her appointments because I have a son? I'm supposed to neglect that relationship for one? That's not fair."

"You shouldn't neglect your son for Ryan."

"I'm not! I've never put Ryan before-"

"You did. This weekend, you did."

Spencer didn't know what to say. He lowered his eyes and sighed. "He didn't say anything when I called. If I knew he was upset about it, I would have been here, Jennifer. I'd never... I'd never want him to feel like I wasn't coming back."

JJ watched as Spencer's posture changed and he seemed shamed, even hurt. She tried to stay mad at him, but it was impossible. She sighed and stepped towards the man.

"He's okay now, Spence. He knows you love him and...it's just.. With Will and everything."

Spencer nodded, but still wouldn't look at her. JJ moved her fingers over his jaw and he raised his eyes, slowly. He looked pitiful. "It's okay, Spence. You're not abandoning him, I know that. You're not your father."

His father. The one who had given him the advice to make Ryan the most important. He sighed, closing his eyes as JJ's fingers moved over his cheek. JJ saw him, relaxing into her touch and moved a little closer. "Talk to me, Spence."

He opened his eyes and looked at her, before taking a step back. "JJ, we can't... I can't.. I love her."

"You barely know her, Spence. It's... It's like Lila all over again, but this time you messed up and she's preg-"

"...messed up? This baby isn't a mistake, JJ."

"Oh, so you wanted to have a baby with Ryan?"

"No. I mean, not yet. I don't know. The point of the matter is that I am and even though, it wasn't planned, I already love him or her. And I don't regret it. I love Ryan."

"You barely know her, though, Spencer. You love her now, but what happens when things go bad or-"

"Stop." He shook his head. "I don't know everything about her. You're right. I don't know all the things about her, that I do about you, but I want to learn. I love her and-"

"Why do you love her, Spencer? You were there for a couple of months! How can you just..." She shook her head, emotions bubbling up inside her. "How is that for six years, I was so important to you when we couldn't be together and then once you go to Vegas, once everything comes out, you can just...walk away, to someone else. We could... we could do this now, Spence. We could be a family. You shouldn't be having a baby with her."

Spencer tensed as the woman's hands ran up his chest, over his neck. He breathed in, slowly, as her fingers moved against the nape of his neck to his hair. Their eyes locked as JJ pressed herself against him. He couldn't pull himself away, his hands moving to her hips before moving to to lay flush against the small of her back. He could smell her coconut lotion she used mixed with Henry's shampoo, her words still echoing in his head. He had wanted her, wanted to be with her so badly for years and now he had the chance to have something more than a sexual relationship with her. She wanted to be with him after six years, after he had moved away and found someone. Ryan. After he had found someone who wanted to be with him. He pulled back his hands from her before stepping back. He shook his head. He couldn't do this with her. He couldn't do this to Ryan.

"I was here for six years, JJ. I was here and you knew that I liked you before Will came along. You knew I liked you before Tobias Hankle. You chose not to be with me and then I left. I left and I found some great people. I found Ryan and we have fun together. She wants to be with me. And she's great. She's strong and she's beautiful. And she trusts me. She trusts me even though it's hard to. She's opened up to me. She's broken down, shown me some of her pain and I...I'm not going to cause her more by doing this. I... I have to go."

JJ watched as he grabbed his bag and left before sitting on the couch. She closed her eyes and leaned back into the couch.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens


	14. Chapter 14

"It's been a week, Spencer." JJ said. "We've barely spoken. You come over here and eat with us. You take Henry, but...we don't talk. We're still friends. We need to discuss what happened."

Spencer paused his task of packing Henry's overnight bag before looking at the woman. He zipped up the bag before starting to walk out of the room. "I don't want to talk about it."

JJ grabbed his arm and made him look at her. "Spence, please. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for."

"Spence. come on. We fought. I hate when we fight."

"I don't enjoy it either, Jennifer."

She sighed. "I'm sorry about what I said. and that I..."

He shook his head. "It's.. We don't have to talk about it."

"I hate that you're having a baby with her, Spence. It... I hate it."

Spencer shook his head. "I hated that you were having a baby with Will. It totally...destroyed me. I knew you were going to marry him and be happy with him and we'd never be able to have anything. And then I saw how you spoke about the baby. How excited you were, and I was happy for you, because you were happy. I even agreed to be his Godfather, Jennifer. To be at his side for the rest of his life, to watch as Will and you spent forever together. And it was okay, because he was a part of you. and you were happy. And now, I'm happy. I'm happy with Ryan. I'm happy to be having this baby and I'm asking you to be happy for me. Please."

He grabbed the bag before walking back int the living room to get Henry.

"But I wasn't happy." She muttered to herself seeing the two go.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer laid on his stomach with Henry, the two watching Snug the Turtle explore his new habitat. Spencer had set up one in his house so the little boy could bring his pet when he stayed over. Henry turned to look at his dad after a few moments.

"Daddy?"

Spencer watched as the turtle dunked into the little pool before looking at the little boy.

"You not talk to Mommy. Are you mad?"

"No, buddy. Mommy and I just... disagreed on something and I'm being polite."

"Polite?"

"It means I'm doing my best to not fight with her."

"You want to fight with her?" Henry said, his eyes wide.

"No, no, buddy. Mommy and I..." He sighed. There was no way he could explain this to the two year old. He sat up and looked at the little boy.

"Everything's going to be okay, alright? You don't need to worry."

"But Mommy and Papa yell alot and then Papa left, Daddy. You and Mommy fight and then you leave too."

Spencer watched as the little boy struggled with his emotions before pulling him in his lap.

"Henry, I am never ever going to leave you. I promise you. Even if Mommy and I fight. You are the most important thing in this world and I would never go anywhere where I couldn't talk to you and see you. I would never not be here for you."

Henry's bottom lip still trembled. "But-But You left before."

Spencer frowned. The boy had a point. "But I called you everyday and you came and saw me, right?"

Henry nodded.

"And when I go to Vegas now to see Ms. Ryan and everyone out there, you can come with me, whenever you want. Whenever Mommy says it's okay."

"I go next time."

"You sure are and we'll talk to Ms. Ryan, okay? And we'll tell her that me and her gotta call you every single day when I'm out there. No more missing calls."

"She call me too?"

"Yeah, if you want her too."

Henry sighed and wrapped his arms around his dad's neck, hugging him. "I love you, Daddy."

Spencer ran his hands up and down the boy's back. "I love you too, Henry."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"You should feel terrible." Ryan said, moving around her kitchen, phone to her ear. This was the second time they had spoken about Henry being upset about him not calling, but she didn't say anything about it. She was just glad they weren't talking about JJ. She knew something had happened between him them ('they had a disagreement', he had said) and they weren't talking much. She couldn't say she minded the lack of conversation between the two, but she knew if it lasted much longer, Spencer would start to. Still, she wasn't going to bring it up.

"Thanks, Ryan." Spencer said with a sigh.

"Well, If I stay in Vegas - which is a possibility, you know? - and you don't call me and our little girl, I'd kill you. Okay, I wouldn't kill you, but I'd have more than a few choice words for you."

"Styaing in Vegas is a possibility?"

"A small possibility. I like my job, Spence."

"I want to be around you guys."

"I know, hence why it's a _small _possibility. The trial run of this group ends in February. If it doesn't work, then I'll be in New York or DC."

"You'll be in DC."

"Excuse me?" She asked, slightly amused, slightly annoyed.

"You'll be coming here. You can live with me."

Ryan was silent. Moving in with him? She cleared her throat. "I'm not living in your library, Spence."

He laughed a little. "It's not that bad."

"It is. I'm surprised JJ even lets Henry stay over there. He could get crushed if one of those piles toppled over."

"It's not that bad. They're all... mostly in bookcases."

"Bookcases that overtake the whole apartment. If I move to DC, I'm getting my own place."

"We could get a house."

Ryan bit her bottom lip. "Don't you think that's moving a little fast, Spencer?"

There was silence and Ryan moved to the couch, wondering if he was upset.

"Yeah, you're right. I...just want to take care of her. And you, you know?"

Ryan smiled. "I do. It's sweet, but I can take care of myself, too, Spence."

"I want to be a good-"

"You are a good father." She said, cutting him off. "You're going to be a great father to our baby, and just because you missed one call to Henry, doesn't mean you're not a good father to him. It probably wouldn't even matter to him if Will hadn't recently moved. He knows that you love him. Hell, he wanted you to stay in Vegas at one point. I'm sure he's just scared about what's going on."

Spencer smiled. He was going to stay that he wanted to be a good boyfriend, but he stayed quiet.

"Thank you." He said before going to check on the little boy. After making sure, he was fine. He spoke again:

"Two more weeks until we get to see our little girl."

"You haven't told me what's going on with her yet, this week."

Spencer grinned as he made his way back to his bedroom. "She's 2mm long and her heart is beating now. and the doctor can start to see if you're going to have twins by how many yolk sacs are visible."

"We better not have twins. I don't think I could deal with three mini-yous."

"Hey." Spencer pretended to be hurt and Ryan smiled to herself before considering it.

"I kind of hope our little girl isn't as smart as Henry. Is that...bad?"

Spencer shook his head. "I worry about Henry all the time. If he's going to get bullied. If he's not going to make friends. If girls are going to think he's weird and won't talk to him."

Ryan frowned, knowing Spencer had gone through all of those. "He'll be okay, Spence. He has a lot more..." She paused, unsure how to word what she wanted to say without offending him. "resources than you did."

"Yeah."

"Plus, He has Derek and Will to teach him skills with the ladies."

"I could teach him skills too!"

Ryan giggled. "Oh yeah? I guess the flush and stutter is kind of endearing."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

**Author's Note:**

Don't own Criminal Minds, but I do own Ryan.

So, these last chapters are more dialogue. Definitely this one, but It's a phone call, what can you do?

I will probably have another update today. Someone stole my windshield wipers awhile back and broke driver side's arm and today, it's raining. so I can't drive (the hour) to school. So... I get to sit here... and write.

Yes, someone stole my windshield wipers. Ridiculous, isn't it? They're like 11 dollars! Stupid.


	15. Chapter 15

Spencer rubbed his eyes as he made his way to the door. He opened it and squinted.

"JJ?"

JJ walked into the living room before looking at him, hands on her lips. "I'm not leaving until we talk."

Spencer turned to look at her before looking at his watch. "It's four in the morning."

"And I can't sleep! I can't sleep because you won't talk to me."

"Who's watching Henry?"

"He's spending the night with Emily. They were going to watch Star Trek. She's such a nerd, Spencer. You two would be so close if you'd just let her in. You let Ryan in and yet, you won't let Emily in. How is that fair?"

Spencer looked at her a little closer. "Are you drunk?"

JJ glared slightly before shaking her head. "No! Stop it! We need to talk. You dropped Henry off yesterday and just left. It's been a week and nothing even happened! We fought and I got too close, but nothing happened. You just touched me...it's okay for you to touch me."

Spencer watched as she got closer and smelled the alcohol. "You're drunk."

"I can handle my alcohol, Spencer."

"You're upset because Will moved back to New Orleans this weekend. It's okay to be upset-"

"I'm not upset over Will leaving. I'm upset that you aren't talking to me."

"It's four AM, JJ. Can't we have this conversation...later?"

"No. We're talking now. I waited a week for you to get over it. I figured after the weekend you'd be okay. And now it's Monday."

"Tuesday." Spencer corrected.

"Tuesday! and You're still not talking to me." She pouted and moved her hands over his chest, sighing as she felt his warmth. "You're my Spencer."

"JJ, you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying."

JJ wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. "I do. You're my Spencer. We were the youngest. We were the youngest and we clicked and we were friends. You were kinda weird, though. But cute. God, Spencer, you were so cute. Even with your nerdy haircut and then you grew it out a little and _mmh._ You were hot."

She looked up at him with a slight grin. Spencer raised his eyebrows.

"And then Tobias Hankle came in and screwed you all up. Got you addicted and broke you. And I couldn't fix you. I helped you though, didn't I? We had sex. We had really good sex."

Spencer gulped as her fingers ran over his chest. "JJ."

"You weren't the same though. You were different. We were different. We used each other. I cheated on my boyfriend and..." She sighed, her fingers moving over his collarbones, up his throat. His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, nervously. JJ sighed again, raising her eyes to his face.

"And then we had a baby. And I didn't tell you. I didn't tell you he was yours and you were still there. And everytime you held him, my heart broke. You were so gentle with him, so soft. The way you looked at him. I felt so guilty, Spencer. Everytime I saw you with him. and then, you almost died and I almost told you, but...I don't know. I don't know, Spencer." She laid her forehead against his heart and closed her eyes.

"JJ..."

"So many bad things have happened to you. You got kidnapped, then the anthrax, and then you got shot and I was so scared, Spencer. Each time. I was so scared, I was going to lose you. And Now, you're not talking to me and... and I'm sorry."

Spencer hestitantly wrapped his arms around her as her body trembled. "It's okay, JJ. You're not losing me." He said, softly. "Shh, it's okay, Jenn."

"Then talk to me."

Spencer brushed away the blond hair out of her face. "JJ, you're drunk and it's early. Let's just... just lay down and when you wake up, we'll talk. We'll go to lunch tomorrow."

"Lay with me?"

Spencer debated it in his head. He knew that Ryan would get upset if she knew that he shared a bed with JJ again, definitely when she was drunk. He knew that JJ was upset though and telling her no might just set her off again. He sighed.

"Come on."

JJ followed him to the bedroom before crawling in his bed. He watched as she made herself comfortable and couldn't help but think of the times, she had laid there before, after Hankle. She looked over at him, curiously and he shook away the thoughts, getting into the bed with her.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer stretched and groaned, hearing the alarm going off in the bedroom. After JJ had fallen asleep, he had moved to the couch - a decision he was regretting now as he stood up. The couch was way too short for his 6'1 frame and his knee ached. He watched as JJ came out of his room, hair tousled. She ran a hand through her hair before leaning against the door frame.

"What happened in Vegas? Something changed."

Spencer shook his head as he rubbed his knee. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You slept on the couch, Spence. You never had a problem laying with me before."

"It's not fair to Ryan that we're..."

"You're my best friend, Spence."

"You're still in love with me."

"And you aren't?" JJ challenged.

Spencer sighed. "Don't you have to go pick up Henry from Emily's?"

JJ rolled her eyes. "Answer the question, Spencer. Tell me you don't love me."

Spencer looked at her. "It doesn't matter. I am in a relationship with Ryan." He went to move past her to get ready for the day, when she grabbed his arm.

"It does matter. If you're still in love with me, you shouldn't be with her, Spencer."

Spencer looked down at her. "I'm not in love with you."

JJ let him go, but he didn't move. They stared at each other for a moment before JJ shook her head. She moved to grab her shoes.

"Bulllshit." She said, looking back at him. "And you know it, but fine. We'll do it your way, Spence. And when this relationship doesn't work with her, and it won't, and you come back to me and need comfort, just remember that."

Spencer watched as she left before sighing and making his way to the shower.

JJ closed the door behind her and leaned against it, trying to keep her composure. His words had stung. They had shot through her and made her feel icy. She hurt, plain and simple. He wasn't in love with her. He didn't love her anymore.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Oh no, you don't." Garica said, grabbing the Spencer's arm as he was about to knock on JJ's door. Spencer frowned, looking at the woman.

"We were going to have lunch."

"Before you told her you didn't love her anymore."

Spencer flushed. "She told you about that?"

"Yes. and that means you and me, conversation, my lair. Now."

Spencer sighed and followed her to her office. He sat down and looked at her, waiting for the speech. With Garcia, there was always a speech. Instead, she just sat down and looked at him. He raised his eyebrows before reaching out for a toy. He could wait. Garcia's eyes widened and she slapped his hand. Spencer turned back to her sharply, confused.

"No toys for you."

"But..."

"But nothing. Talk."

Spencer put his hands in his lap and spinned in his chair a little. "There's nothing to talk about it."

"Don't lie to me, Spencer Reid. What happened?"

Spencer sighed. "She came over, drunk, and stayed the night. And when she woke up, she... Penelope, this isn't necessary."

"It is."

"I'm dating Ryan."

"But JJ's your soulmate, Spencer. Everyone knows it."

"Soul mates don't exist."

Garcia gave him a look. "Did you not just get your Philosophy degree, Spencer? Plato. The Symposium. The Sexes."

Spencer shook his head. "So what, JJ's my other half before the gods tore us apart?"

"Yes!"

Spencer stared at her. "That's not real, Penelope. It was just his opinion on how it happened. Zeus and all those gods don't exist."

"But it's... It's not fact, no, but the concept is real. There are people that you just...fit with. And she's one, Reid. You can't just let that go."

"I'm not. Do I have to be in love with her to be her best friend? Penelope, you used to tell me that I should move on. You and Derek, both. I mean, you were both happy about Austin."

"That's before we knew you and JJ were doing the dirty."

"JJ and I had a sexual relationship, yes. We comforted each other, physically."

"It was more than physical. You loved her. You didn't just go over there and screw her silly and leave. You were attached. She was attached."

Spencer flushed at her words, but shook his head. "She didn't want it all with me, though, Penelope. She just came around when she needed me. She just wanted to be there when I needed her. and I'm grateful and glad that we had what we had, but -"

"And what about now?"

"Now, I'm with Ryan. Who has wanted to be there all the time. it's not fair to her-"

"But you still love JJ."

Spencer pinched the bridge of his nose. "Penelope."

"Jayje is my best friend, Spencer, and you hurt her. Bad. And if it was anyone else, I'd be having Morgan kick your butt, so don't get all moody with me, mister."

"I know you're trying to help, Penelope, but... it's better this way. even if it's not the truth. Even if the truth is that I am always going to be in love with her. If we're going to be friends, there has to be... we can't continue to do this. She gets so close and I can feel her with every one of my senses and...it's overwhelming and I want to be faithful. I want to be a good boyfriend to Ryan and I can't do that if Jennifer knows that I'm...that I feel for her that way."

"It's not fair to Ryan if you still love JJ, either, though, honey. She deserves to have all of your heart, if you're going to have it work with her."

"I know. I know. She 'deserves to be the most important one' and I'm trying. I'm trying and...I can't, I can't give everything to her if JJ runs her fingers over me and tells me that we should be together. That's why I told JJ I didn't love her."

"Just because you say you don't love her doesn't make those feelings go away though."

"But...it will help...won't it?"

Garcia sighed and scooted over to him, ruffling his hair. "You got yourself all messed up, don't you, sweet cheeks."

Spencer leaned into her touch and sighed. "Being alone was so much easier."

"Yeah, but it doesn't give you the warm and fuzzies like being in love does."

Spencer gave her a look and Garcia grinned and patted his cheek. "Ryan's a good girl, Spencer. She's fiesty. She's good for you."

"But she's not JJ?"

Garcia gave him a sad look. "You can't blame me for wanting my two best friends to be happy together."

"Team JJ," Spencer mused and Garcia grinned.

"Just listen to your heart. No one else can tell you what's right for you."


	16. Chapter 16

"Come here this weekend. I want to see you."

"What?" Ryan said.

"I want you to come here. I'll pay for the-"

"I'll pay for the ticket, Spence. We're going to see each other next weekend, though."

"I want to see you before then. I'll clean up the apartment."

Ryan slide down the back of the tub a little, letting the warm water cover her. "Did something happen?"

"What? No. Yes."

She sighed and closed her eyes. "What happened?"

"I told JJ I wasn't in love with her."

That got her attention. "You aren't in.."

"We've been fighting a lot over what happened with Henry and she came over and stayed the night and-"

"Spence-"

"I didn't sleep with her! I mean, I didn't sleep in the same bed with or have inter-"

"Okay. so how did that-"

"Just... will you come out this weekend? I need to see you."

"Hold on." She set down the phone and dunked herself under the water before resurfacing. She sat there for a moment. Going on to DC when JJ was hurting would be interesting but it could be very dramatic. Spencer had told her that he needed to see her though. If she didn't go, he'd be hurt. Plus she had promised to be more mature about the whole JJ situation anyways. She picked up the phone.

"Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"You going to pick me up from the airport?"

"You're going to come?"

"Yeah."

She heard him splash. "Great. Great...So can I get out of the tub now?"

Ryan grinned, leaning against the back of the tub. She had been on a hard case for the last two days and had asked for him to get in the tub at his apartment while she was taking a bath, so they could relax together. He had been sweet enough to oblidge and then listen to her rant about the case. She looked at the clock, they'd been in the bath tub for almost two hours.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. My skins all wrinkly. and the water's cold."

She laughed and closed her eyes. "I love you."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan smiled as she saw Spencer and Henry. Spencer let down the boy and walked behind him as he ran towards her. Ryan picked up the happy toddler and kissed his cheek.

"Hey sweetie."

"Daddy said we visit you next Saturday, but then we come here and we see you now! Ms. Ryan, you gotta come see my turtle. He's bigger!"

"Oh yeah?" She smiled at the boy before turning her head to kiss his father. Spencer smiled down at her.

"How was your flight?"

"Glad it's over."

"Daddy, I stay with you tonight, since Ms. Ryan's here? I gotta show her Snug and our rollercoaster! Ms. Ryan, we put it together and the ball goes like whoooosh!"

"Whooosh, huh? I can't wait. Can he stay, Daddy?" She said with a wink.

"We'll have to ask your Mom, you spent last weekend with me, remember? Plus, JJ's supposed to get home from Denver today, buddy. She wants to see you."

"Oh yeah. Mommy went to fight the bad guys in Denver, Ms. Ryan. She's been gone for three days." He said, holding up three fingers.

Ryan nodded. "Oh, then you should stay with your mommy. I bet she missed you alot."

Henry nodded. "Uh huh. She told me yesterday. She misses me to the moon! That's... a lot."

"238857 miles." Spencer said before grabbing the woman's bag and putting it over his shoulder.

Ryan gave him an unimpressed look while Henry's eyes widened. "That is a lot!"

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Should I be feeling jealous, because I'm feeling a little jealous." Spencer asked as he leaned over to Garcia. His eyes were on Derek and Ryan who were dancing pretty suggestively on the floor. Garcia sipped her drink.

"I'm jealous." She said, her eyes running down Morgan's body.

"If you're jealous, go steal her away." Emily said before Spencer took a sip of his drink and stood up.

"Good idea."

Ryan raised an eyebrow when Spencer grabbed her hips, pulling her away from her dance partner. She looked over her shoulder as Derek grinned and winked.

"There we go, Pretty Boy!" He said, a laugh in his voice, before leaving the two. Ryan wrapped her arms around her boyfriend's neck.

"Did someone get jealous?" She asked, grinding her hips into his.

"Were you trying to get me jealous?"

"Maybe." She teased, running her hands down his chest.

"Then it worked." He muttered, kissing her shoulder, his hands moving over his hips and pulling her even closer. Ryan pushed him back slightly and grinned. "Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm, lets go home." He said and leaned into kiss her. Ryan pulled back and turned her back to him, grinding her hips into him.

"But I want to dance."

Spencer groaned, holding her hips close as she danced against him.

"But... aren't you tired? I read that..." Spencer tensed as she arched her back and rolled her hips into him. "My god, Ryan."

She grinned and turned to face him, amused look on her face. "Mmh, maybe I do feel a little tired. Maybe we should go home and..."

"and...?" Spencer asked, anxiously.

"I don't know.I guess we'll just have to see what happens." She said, looking up at him through her lashes as her fingers moved over his tie.

Spencer grabbed her hand, pulling her off the dance floor.

"Ryan's feeling tired, so I'm going to take her home. We'll see you guys later." He said, rushed before paying for their drinks. Ryan leaned against him, unable to hide her grin.

Morgan laughed as Garcia smirked at them. "Have fun you two, Be careful."

Garcia sipped her drink. "Oh yeah, be careful, Spencer."

Ryan and Garcia shared a look before Spencer pulled her towards the door.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan watched him as he left kisses over her lower abdomen.

"Spence, sleep." She said, tugging at his hair.

"Have you thought about names?" He said, looking up at her as his fingers moved over her skin.

"Mmh. I...looked at a name book when I got groceries...Have you?"

He nodded. "I was thinking about something unisex, just in case she is actually a boy."

Always rational, she thought to herself as she smiled. "Oh yeah? like what?"

"Taylor?"

"Taylor Reid," Ryan made a face. "It's okay if it's a girl, but not if it's a boy."

Spencer nodded, looking back at her stomach. "Courtney?"

"I'm not naming my son Courtney, no."

"Uhh. Dylan."

"Dylan Reid." Ryan repeated and smiled a little. "I like that."

"Like Bob Dylan, and the poet Dylan Thomas."

"And Matt Dillion. He's a hottie."

Spencer frowned and Ryan grinned, messing with his hair.

"I'm just teasing. Dylan Alexandria. or..Dylan Joseph, DJ."

Spencer smiled. "Dylan Alexandria Reid. That's pretty."

Ryan watched as he kissed her tummy again. "Do you like that name, baby? Do you feel like a Dylan Alexandria? You can be like Mommy and have an unisex name. But it's not too different from Diana, which is my Mommy's name."

Ryan smiled. "So we're calling her Dylan for now?"

"Is that okay? I feel strange just calling her Baby."

She ran her fingers over his forehead. "I love it, Spence."

He moved up and tucked the blanket around them. Ryan was grateful for the warmth and ran her hands over his bare chest. "You and me and Baby Dylan."

"Are you still scared?" He asked, kissing up her shoulder.

"A little. I'm getting used to it, though. That we're actually going to have a baby. Your excitement is rubbing off on me. I bought a baby book."

"What to Expect When You're Expecting?" He asked, before kissing her neck. "That's the best one, I think. It's the most informative."

"Mmh, yeah. That one." Her eyes closed as he breathed against her neck, teasingly.

Spencer smiled against her skin before moving to lay on his side. "Are you listening to me?"

"Uh huh." She opened her eyes before turning her head and kissing him. She smiled at him as she pulled back slightly. She brushed her nose against his cheek before snuggling into his chest.

Spencer tugged her closer, watching her as her eyes closed again. They could talk about books later. Dylan Alexandria Reid. Or Dylan Joseph, of course. He was starting to really hope that it was a girl though. A beautiful little girl who looked like her mother. She sighed as her body relaxed, sleep taking over and he smiled, moving slowly to run his fingertips over her cheek. He could picture an infant in the woman's arms with a head full of dark brown curls and her mother's nose. He kissed her forehead before closing his eyes as well.


	17. Chapter 17

Ryan pulled on one of Spencer's shirts and a pair of socks before padding her way into the kitchen. His apartment wasn't as bad as she made it out to be. It would have been fine for just him, but after moving back, it looked like he had taken all the book cases and desk that was in the guest room and moved them into the living room so that Henry could have a room. So what if the living area was now just a little cluttered? He was doing the right thing for his son. She smiled at the thought before starting a pot of coffee. She stretched a little before leaning against the counter, watching as the coffee drip into the pot. She sighed, making her way back into the living room, where she spotted the baby books. She smiled and grabbed one of them, sitting on the couch, her feet resting on a pile of books as she read through the first pages.

She looked up to see Spencer making his way out of the room, smelling the brewing coffee. He chuckled when he spotted her.

"Your socks don't match."

Ryan looked over the edge of the book at the socks; one orange and grey striped and a blue argyle socks. She raised an eyebrow.

"You pair up mismatched socks?"

He grinned before making his way over to her to give her a kiss. "It's easy than digging through a whole drawer. What are you reading?"

He looked at the front of the book and smiled. "How are you and Baby Dylan today?"

"Thirsty." Ryan pushed him towards the kitchen when her striped foot.

"You can't drink coffee. Caffeine's not good for the baby. You can have milk."

"I'm allowed to drink some coffee. I asked Dr. Lang about it."

"You can have milk." Spencer said before moving to the kitchen and grabbing a glass.

"Spence." She whined. "I need my coffee."

"It's bad for-"

"If I can't have coffee, you can't have coffee." She challenged and he sighed.

"Fine."

She grinned, getting up to grab her a cup before he unplugged the machine. She stared at him like he was going out of his mind. "You... really?"

"I won't drink it if you don't drink it."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"By week 6, her heart is beating around 100 times per minute. Faster than yours."

Ryan snuggled into his side as they laid together on the couch, reading one of his baby books. She moved one of her legs inbetween his and moved to look at the little pictures.

"That doesn't look like a baby at all."

"She's only six weeks old! Give her some-"

They both looked to the door as there was a knock. Ryan looked up at him. "Are you expecting company?"

He frowned and shook his head as Ryan untangled herself from him. She buttoned up the shirt a little more before walking to his door. She turned to look at him before opening the door. She stared at JJ and Henry before shaking it away.

"Hey."

She watched as JJ's eyes roamed over her before Ryan opened the door wider. Spencer sat up and put down the book.

"Is everything okay?"

JJ nodded as Henry wiggled to get down. She set him down before looking at the two.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine. I tried to call, but there was no answer. We got called in to assist with a high profile murder in DC...so... can you...watch him?"

Henry was looking at Ryan, curiously. Ryan looked down at the little boy before tugging at the shirt. "I should...go get dressed."

JJ gave a short nod before looking back at Spencer. "I can ask Garcia if you're too busy."

Spencer gave her a look. "I'm never too busy for Henry. Right buddy?"

Henry looked between his parents before nodding. "Daddy loves when I visit, Mommy."

"I bet." JJ said, ruffling his hair before handing Spencer the little boy's bag. "I should be back before Monday, but you know Lily's number if I'm not."

Ryan came back into the room, now wearing a pair of shorts with the man's shirt. "Did he bring his turtle?"

"See, Mommy! I told you she wanted to see him!"

"Why don't you go show her the roller coaster instead?" Spencer suggested, looking at Ryan, who nodded, understanding the two needed to talk.

Henry's eyes widened. "Yeah! Come on, Ms. Ryan!"

Spencer watched as the two left the room before looking back at JJ. "We didn't get to talk before you left with the team, I-"

"There's no need to talk about it, Spencer."

"But we're still friends, right? I didn't mean that I didn't love-"

"I know."

"Then why are you acting like you can't stand to be in the same room as me?"

JJ sighed. "I have to go, Spence."

Spencer took a step towards her. "Jenn."

JJ stepped back. "We'll talk when I get back, okay?"

Spencer sighed, a sad look coming over his face. JJ saw the look and shook her head, stepping towards him. "We'll be fine, okay? Like you said. It's going to be okay." She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him.

Spencer's arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a hug. "You're always going to be my best friend."

"I know." She said, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Daddy!"

JJ looked at the little boy who stopped, seeing his parents in an embrace. He grinned, largely.

"You guys not fighting no more?" He asked, excitedly. He looked up at Ryan. "They not fight!"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, they're not fighting."

"They got mad, Ms. Ryan. Daddy say he be polite and Mommy called him a bad word to Aunt Penny, but they not fight no more. They love each other again."

Spencer pulled away from JJ. "Called me a bad word?" He muttered as Henry continued to explain the situation to Ryan.

JJ shrugged. "It happens." She said under her breath.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Henry rubbed his eyes as he made his way out of his bedroom. He stopped seeing Ryan and Spencer on the couch together, the man reading a book outloud. He tilted his head, waiting for someone to acknowledge that he was awake. After a few minutes, he sighed dramatically. Ryan turned to look at him with a smile.

"Hey Mini, want to come lay with us? Daddy's reading to me."

He nodded before running over to them. Ryan scooped him up and scooted over so he could lay in between them. Spencer situated the book so Henry could see the words, before starting to read again.

Ryan watched as the boy's eyes followed along with the mans words and wondered if he could read them. She raised her eyes to the man and smiled. The two of them were adorable and she found herself thinking about the future, if he would lay there with their little girl on his chest and read to them all. They would need a bigger couch; she smiled at the thought. She caught Spencer's eyes, who smiled at her, reading from his memory rather than the page. She leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"I love you," she breathed near her ear. Spencer moved slightly to wrap his free arm around her. She laid her head on her shoulder and closed her eyes, listening to him voice the poetry of famous artists.

Henry listened for a while before sighing. "Okay, Daddy. I hungry."

Spencer closed the book and looked down at him. "You're hungry?" He looked as his watch before nodding. "It is dinner time."

"Mommy was going to make spagetti. You make us spagetti?" He asked, looking over at Ryan.

Ryan shrugged. "Yeah, I can do that."

Henry smiled at his dad. "Ms. Ryan's gonna make us dinner, Daddy."

"I think we should help her. Ms. Ryan's a guest."

Henry nodded. "And I'm a good helper, huh, Daddy? Daddy lets me help with breakfast all the time. I pour the cereal really good now, Ms. Ryan."

"Oh yeah? You'll have to make us breakfast then, deal?"

Henry grinned. "Yeah! I make us breakfast."

"Okay, well if you're going to go help with dinner you gotta go wash your hands."

Ryan watched as Henry ran towards the bathroom. "Can he do it himself?"

"There's a stool and I got my eye on him." Spencer said with a smile. He leaned and kissed her.

"You're going to be a wonderful mother, Ryan."

She smiled. "Oh yeah?"

Spencer looked away from the bathroom for a second to look at her. "Without a doubt."

**Author's Notes:**

**No sleep for me. My poor little kitty is having tummy problems. I think I got the broken one. 6 months and so far, he's jumped off the second story ledge (landing on the couch, thank god.), broke his back leg (still a mystery to this day how he did that.) and Now! He's sick. But! He's eating and he's drinking now and even followed me around a little after all day of being lethargic, so maybe if we can get one more check mark, I can sleep. **

**What does this mean to you? - Until I feel like it's okay for me to stop sitting here, watching him and checking to make sure his gums are nice and pink, making sure he's drinking water, and not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, I am going to write another chapter. so...that's what? like four, five today? Kitty's sickness is your gain. **


	18. Chapter 18

Ryan paused at the bedroom door when she saw Spencer on the couch., reading. She frowned and made her way over to him.

"What you doing?"

"Can't sleep." He said, shifting over so she could lay her head on his lap.

"You didn't have to leave the room." She said, looking up at him.

"I didn't want to wake you. You should go lay back down, Ryan."

"I got to go home in 12 hours. I want to spend all the time I can with you."

Spencer looked down at her before closing his book and set it to the side. "You could always transfer to Quantico before the trial run ends."

"My lease, remember? Plus, I like Vegas, Spence. I have Elle and Will there."

"You'd have me and Henry and Derek and Penelope and Emily here though."

"I'll have you regardless, though, right?"

He nodded, slightly pouting. She reached up and touched his bottom lip.

"Stop it. It's only until February. I'll be, what? 4 months along?"

"You're going to change doctors after 4 months?"

She frowned. She hadn't thought about that. "That's probably not a good idea, is it?"

Spencer shrugged. "You should get a doctor down here, if you're going to move."

Ryan bit at her lip. That meant she'd have to make her choice now. She looked up at him. He looked so hopeful.

"How about we go to our appointment with Dr. Lang and we'll ask her about it?"

She watched as he thought about it before nodding. "Sounds reasonable."

"Now come back to bed?" She said, pouting. "This couch sucks and I'm tired and I'm feeling queasy. Stupid morning sickness at what time is it?"

"3:17 am."

Ryan groaned and Spencer moved his hand against his stomach. "Is Dylan making you sick."

She nodded, sitting up. "Carry me."

"Carry you?" He said with a laugh and she nodded, resting against him.

"You do remember I got shot in the leg and totally destroyed my knee right?"

Ryan whined and Spencer shook his head. "How much do you weigh?"

Ryan opened her eyes and shot him a glance. "You're not supposed to ask a lady that, Dr. Reid. Come on. You're not going to be able to do it for long. I'm going to gain weight and get fat."

Spencer rolled her eyes and stood up. "You're not going to get fat."

"Am too." She said, looking up at him before he picked her up. Ryan squealed alittle, grabbing onto his neck.

"I was just kidding! Spencer! Put me down, you're going to hurt yourself!"

"You weigh like 100 lbs, Ryan, you're fine."

Still, she clung to him as he carried her to the bed. Once, safe on the bed, she looked at him, slightly amused as he undressed.

"You carried me."

"I carried you."

"I'm shocked."

Spencer gave her an unimpressed look as he pulled off his white undershirt. "My physical therapist made me lift weights. I had to build up my upper body strength so I could crutch my way around."

Ryan watched as he sat down, scooting over to him and running her fingers down his arms. "I'm not shocked that you can lift me. I know you're toned. Seen you naked, remember?" She said with a wink. "I'm shocked that you actually did it."

Spencer turned his head and kissed her. "I'd do anything for you."

Ryan rested her head on his shoulder as they stared at each other for a minute. "You really mean that?"

The words had came out before he thought about them, but now that there were said, he nodded. "Yeah... yeah, I think so. ...Is...that okay?"

Ryan thought about it. She'd never had someone say anything like that, other than her dad. Her Dad, she smiled sadly. She knew that her dad would like Spencer. Definitely if he had heard the man say what he just did. She nodded slowly. "Yeah... that's okay."

Spencer smiled, kissing her again. Ryan moved to wrap her arms around his neck, pulling him to the bed with her. He placed his hands on either side of her, holding himself up as her back hit the mattress. She sighed, happily, running her fingers against his neck, before pulling him in for another kiss. "I love you so much, Spence."

Spencer leaned to kiss her again when he heard Henry calling out. He groaned a little and Ryan laughed, pushing the man back.

"You should get used to it. When Dylan comes, you're never going to get any."

Spencer gave her a look before getting up to attend to the little boy.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer stared at the coffee pot. It had been 21 hours since he had a cup of coffee and Henry was up early. Too early to not have a cup. He leaned back to look into the master bedroom, seeing Ryan still asleep. She would never know. He could get rid of the evidence quickly. And she was asleep, so she wouldn't smell it right? He licked his bottom lip before opening the counter slowly. It creaked and he looked back at Ryan, making sure she hadn't woken up. He took out the coffee and opened the lid, inhaling the scent.

"What are you doing, Daddy? Making coffee?" Henry said, loudly and he looked at the boy, wide eyed.

"Shhh!"

Henry looked at his dad, confused. "Why daddy? You always drink coffee! You love coffee! You say so! Mmmmmh. Coffffeeeee." Henry repeated what he had heard from his coffee multiple times and Spencer looked at him, slightly amused.

"I do not."

"Do too! I promise."

"You do." Ryan said, appearing in the kitchen, rubbing her eyes. "Cheater."

Spencer glared before putting the coffee up. "I wasn't going to-"

"Uh huh. Sure you weren't."

Henry looked between them before shrugging. "Ms. Ryan, you were supposed to sleep in. Daddy and I making breakfast, remember?"

Ryan scooped up the little boy. She smiled at his Spiderman pajamas and crazy hair. "Sorry, buddy. I couldn't sleep when my two favorite men were in here!"

She sat down at the table with him, occassionally glancing at Spencer, who was making them breakfast.

"I just a little boy though, Ms. Ryan! I two! and next year I going to be three. Daddy teaching me to count. I can count to 5."

Ryan was impressed. She didn't know why, though, she knew the little boy was spoke like he was about five, if not older. It was cute though. Henry had a big vocabulary, but he was still two. His prounciation wasn't perfect and he couldn't voice an R at all. She loved how he talked though and when it came to the day where he actually calledher 'Ryan' instead of 'yan, she'd be a little sad. She listened as he counted and showed her his fingers for each. His eyes widened excited as he got to five, waving his outstretched fingers. She kissed his cheek, looking at Spencer, who looked proud. He should be. His son was adorable.

"Wow, buddy. You're so smart."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I smart."

Ryan chuckled a little as he yawned and rested against her chest. "Daddy say you go home today."

"Yeah."

"But we see you next week?"

Ryan nodded and Henry sighed.

"How come you not move her like Daddy?"

"Well...your dad moved to be here with you, buddy. Because you're really important."

"Daddy not important to you?"

Spencer turned to see her reaction. Ryan smiled a little. "Oh Henry. You're too smart."

Henry sighed. "I know. I smart. So you move here for Daddy?"

Ryan looked over at the man, his words from last night in her head. _I'd do anything for you. _

"Yeah, buddy. I'm going to move here. Three months."

"Daddy! Did you hear that? Ms. Ryan going to move here in three months!"


	19. Chapter 19

********

****

********

Author's Note:

Aww, JJ's not a bad person, guys! I don't think she's a bitch, either perse. I think that finding out Ryan was pregnant was a wake up call. She was able to deal with them dating or whatever, because, hey, Spence deserves to be happy even if it's not with her, right now. But a baby - that's a whole different story you know? and she's realizing 'Damn, I could really lose him' and is trying to fight for him. Does that make her a bitch? Eh. Depends, I guess. I think it's kinda romantic. and Spencer doesn't really know what he wants anyways ( or Does he? I don't know and I'm writing the story!) If it helps, I think JJ...redeems herself in the later part of the story. To me, anyways, she does...sort of. Maybe she has to hit the bottom before she can rise up, yanno? I don't know. Anyways, back to the story!

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"I win, Daddy, I win!"

Spencer opened his mouth, looking at his cards before there was a knock. "I bet that's Mommy,"

Henry's eyes widened and he ran to the door, opening it. "Mommy!"

Luckily, it was JJ. She kneeled and picked up the little boy. "Henry, you shouldn't open the door before you ask who it is."

"But Daddy said it was you!"

"Did he?"

Spencer nodded, "I assumed it was. No one else is going to show up my apartment at 9 o'clock on a Sunday night. How was the case?"

"Simple. Strauss just wanted there for good publicity, I think. Ryan's gone?"

"We took her to the airport, Mommy, but Daddy and I visit her next weekend. Guess what, Mommy? Ms. Ryan is going to move here in three months! I told her she could have my room, but she didn't want it. She said she doesn't like Daddy's apartment."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She said it's got too many books, Mommy, but I like the books, because Daddy reads me them."

JJ nodded. "and you love it when Daddy reads huh?"

"Uh huh. Daddy read to me and Ms. Ryan after my nap and then Ms. Ryan made us spagetti, like you, Mommy, but she put bacon in it and it was good."

"Bacon in spagetti?" JJ asked, sitting on the man's couch.

"Yeah! She said her daddy used to do it and she loved it so she made it for me and it was real good, Mommy. I liked it mo-

"Henry." Spencer interrupted before he could finish the sentence. "Why don't you go get your bag."

JJ looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "It's okay if he liked Ryan's spagetti more."

"I didn't want him to offend you." Spencer said, looking at his shoes.

JJ stood up and smiled. "Thank you, Spence. But him liking bacon in his spagetti isn't going to upset me. Calling her 'mom' or something - yeah, that's going to hurt."

"Yeah."

JJ sighed, waiting for Henry. Spencer turned to see what the boy was doing before turning back to JJ.

"So.."

"So..." Spencer flushed as they spoke in unison. He looked down at his shoes again. JJ reached out to touch his hand. "Hey."

He looked up.

"We're okay. We're just...it's just hard, you know?"

He nodded. "I don't want to fight with you. I didn't want to hurt you with what I said."

"I know, Spence. I've been coming on a little strong. I just, This whole baby thing has shaken me, you know?"

"I know."

"I figured you and Ryan would have your fun and then..."

"Then I'd come back to you?"

"Well..yeah." She blushed a little and Spencer smiled. It was rare when JJ blushed and she looked cute when she did.

"And now you're having a baby with her. It just means, she'll always be a part of your life and you'll... be more willing to do what it takes to make it work. I'm just...jealous and I'm scared that we'll never have our chance, you know? A real chance."

Spencer bit on his lip before hearing Henry running towards them. He turned to see the little boy with his backpack on. "Ready, Mommy."

JJ looked at Spencer before her son. "Alright. Let's go home and get to bed."

"JJ?" Spencer called as she turned to the door. She looked behind him.

"We don't need a chance."

"What?" She said, her hand on the doorknob.

"You're my 'soul mate', supposedly. So.. we don't need a 'chance', we'll always...have each other regardless. No matter who else is in our lives."

JJ smiled. "Thanks, Spence."

********

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"I thought you didn't believe in soul mates." Garcia said, linking arms with Spencer as they made their way to lunch. Spencer looked at her.

"I don't. I do believe that JJ will be a part of my life regardless, though." He paused seeing JJ leaning against his old desk, talking to someone. "Who's that?"

"Dayton or Daemon or something British. He's your replacement. Strauss went over Hotch's head."

Spencer watched as JJ laughed and frowned. "JJ seems to like him."

"Morgan says the two wouldn't stop talking about soccer on the ride home. His brother or cousin or something played for England in the World Cup."

Spencer looked at Garcia and she rolled her eyes. "JJ's favorite team is-"

"Germany, I know."

"The teams are rivals or something. They've been bantering all day. It's..."

"Weird."

"I think it's good. I haven't seen her smile this much since...well..." Garcia cleared her throat. "We should get going."

"Maybe we should invite them. It's only polite."

Garcia raised an eyebrow. "Are you jealous, Spencer?"

"What? No." He frowned as the man grinned at JJ and the woman rolled her eyes, a smile on her face. "I was...just saying...it'd be nice. I could introduce myself."

"Uh huh." Garcia said, following him as he walked over to the two.

"I'm just saying you should be worried about us. We're 6th in FIFA standings. And your silly little rivalry with the Netherlands is ridiculous."

Spencer cleared his throat as JJ was about to rebutt. She turned to look at him. "Spence. This is Deacon Prestley. I forgot to tell you last night, Strauss brought him in on the last case. Deacon, this is Spencer Reid."

"Dr. Spencer Reid." Spencer corrected as they shook hands. Garcia just shook her head as JJ looked at her, curiously.

"Eh, a Doctor, huh? You're the one who I'm replacing right?"

"Yeah. My replacement." Spencer said, looking at JJ.

"Jenn told me a lot about you. You're a genius, right?"

"Jenn." Spencer repeated to himself. He didn't like the fact that the new guy was already calling JJ Jenn. It was strange. Jennifer or JJ would be fine, but Jenn. It was like they were close and they weren't. He barely knew JJ. He wondered if this was how JJ felt when someone else called him 'Spence.' No, JJ probably didn't even care about that, anymore. Spencer nodded, slowly.

Garcia stepped in and Deacon grinned. "And You're the girl that Morgan was flirting with. Garcia, right?"

"Penelope Garcia, we'll talk later. I have to take my tall and charming friend here to lunch now."

"You guys could join us." Spencer said before JJ looked at him with a slight smile.

"I was going to stop by and see Henry on my lunch break." She said, amused. "Can I steal him for a moment, Garcia?"

Penelope nodded before JJ grabbed Spencer's wrist and pulled him away.

"Are you jealous, _Doctor _Reid?"

"What? Why does everyone keep saying that. I was just trying to friendly to the new guy."

"Uh huh. You're never friendly to the new guy. What's up?"

"You didn't tell me that someone took my spot."

"I didn't think you'd mind. You're happy at the academy, right?"

"Yeah, but.."

"But?"

"But...he's English."

JJ chuckled. "So?"

"So... How is he going to do the geological profiling of a country he isn't even from?"

JJ nodded, amused. "I'm sure he'll manage."

Spencer rolled his eyes. "I didn't think Strauss would put someone so...so...British."

JJ laughed as he glared at her. "It was necessary. Cases were hard without you. We needed someone to help out. I don't like it either, but... He's good at what he does."

"But he probably doesn't know anything about -"

"Spence." JJ said, amused and Spencer sighed. JJ hugged him.

"Come over tonight and we'll talk about it, okay?"

Spencer nodded before stepping out of her embrace. "I have to go to lunch now with Penelope. Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"And Deacon too?"

Spencer shrugged. "Deacon doesn't have to come."

JJ laughed. "That's what I thought."

********

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"So...How's Ryan?"

Spencer smiled. "She's good. She's 6 weeks along. We talked about names."

"Names, already? What did you come up with?" JJ asked, pouring herself another glass of wine. Henry had already been put to bed and Spencer was lounging in the living room.

"Dylan."

"For a boy?"

"For a boy or a girl. Dylan Joseph, Dylan Alexandria. I wanted to have a unisex name so we could start calling the baby by it's name already. It makes it seem more...tangible."

JJ grinned as she sipped her drink. "I understand. Will wanted to name Henry William, since he's a Jr., you know? He wanted to keep with tradition."

"But you knew it was mine."

"But I knew it was yours and I couldn't." She shook her head. "If it's a boy, would you name him Spencer Jr.?"

Spencer made a face. "I think that's arrogant. Who am I to have someone named after me?"

JJ touched his knee. "I would have named Henry after you without a second thought. Why wouldn't I want my son to be like you? You're brillant - more than just intelligence too, Spencer - and you're very caring. I wouldn't have disagreed on that at all."

He smiled at her. "Thanks, Jennifer."

She nodded, sipping her drink again. "Dylan's a good name too. Dylan Alexandria Reid. Ryan Reid."

Spencer looked at her, curiously.

"It sounds...strange, doesn't it? Too short. What's her middle name?"

"Ryan and I aren't getting -"

"Oh come on, you've never done it? Me and my friends used to add boys last names to ours all the time. Supposedly, if it doesn't sound right, it's a sign. Jennifer Jareau-LaMontagne." She made a face. "See."

"You'd keep your last name?"

"Of course." JJ said. "Jennifer Jareau Reid."

Spencer shook his head. "You're maiden name would always through it off. Jennifer Reid."

She smiled, leaning against the arm of the couch to look at him. "It sounds better that way."

"Jennifer LaMontagne would too." He paused. "Maybe not."

JJ laughed. "Jennifer Jareau-Prestley." She winked and Spencer made a face.

"You like the new guy?"

"He's cute, I guess." JJ laughed at the look at his face. "What? You don't think so?"

Spencer just raised his eyebrows. JJ stretched out, laying her legs over his lap.

"He's offered to take me to a soccer game."

"Oh?"

"Mmhmm. Henry and I."

Spencer raised an eyebrow. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"For a teammate to meet my son? Why not?"

"Well...I mean, if you date him..."

JJ laughed. "I am not going to date Deacon. He's cute in a sense, but come on, Spence. I just got out of a relationship. I'm still in love with you. I am no where near ready to start dating again. I'm too messed up right now."

Spencer watched as she closed her eyes for a second. She wiggled her toes. "Rub my feet."

"No. I told you to wear some more sensible shoes."

"Come on, Spence. Use that magic touch." She toed his knee before opening her eyes and pouting. "Please?"

He looked at her before smiling. "I'm so glad he has your eyes."

"Hmm?"

"Henry. I'm so glad he has your eyes."

"He has your lips. He's going to be a heart breaker."

Spencer rolled his eyes. "If so, it's not because he has my lips."

"He has your cheekbones too, thank god. You have amazing cheekbones."

Spencer flushed. "Well, he has your personality."

"It's mixed. He has your smart charm and my outgoingness."

"He's the perfect mix of us, isn't he?"

JJ smiled. "He is."

"I was thinking about what Dylan might be like last night."

"Yeah?" JJ asked, taking a sip on her wine before setting it down.

Spencer nodded, rubbing her feet. "I hope she looks like her."

"She's going to be beautiful, Spence. I bet she's born with a head full of dark hair."

Spencer grinned. "I thought the same thing. Little curls."

"Henry's hair was blond when he was born and then he lost it all, you remember?"

Spencer laughed. "In spots. He was like an old man and then it grew back really dark."

"And wavy. That's when I knew Will was going to figure it out. I just knew that he was going to see Henry with you and be able to tell. I didn't know how anyone couldn't tell." She sighed.

"Do you think about what it would have been like if I told you?"

Spencer shrugged, looking at her toes. "Somewhat."

"And?"

Spencer looked at her as she looked at him, an unidentifable expression in her eyes. He licked his bottom lip, trying to figure out if he should tell her.

"I imagine that everything would be different."

JJ watched as his fingers moved over the top of her feet to her ankle. He kept his eyes down as she could tell he was debating on whether he should say more. He pushed up the leg on her slacks, running over the muscles in her leg and she sighed at the touch. He was always so gentle. He loved to touch as his eyes followed his fingers. She felt like one of his books that he read through and yet, unlike the book, his eyes and fingers moved slow. She wondered if he did the same with Ryan when they laid in bed with each other. If he took his time, exploring every part of her, memorizing it all. JJ knew that the man at the other side of the couch knew every inch of her skin and it was nerve-wracking and exciting and extremely sad at the same time. He knew every scar and every imperfection and each time they had been together, his fingers found each thing she hated about herself before his lips. _You're beautiful_ he'd say after kissing them and she felt it. Completely. And if he did the same with Ryan now, it just made it feel fake. She sighed and pulled her legs away from him, causing him to look up, confused. She moved her feet to the floor, grabbing her wine before standing and making her way to the kitchen.

"It's getting late, Spence. We should probably call it a night."

He turned on the couch to look at her, noticing her back to him. Something had changed in her and he didn't know what he had done.

"O-Okay." He said before standing up and rubbing his hands on his pants. "I guess, I'll... see you..tomorrow?"

"Yeah, yeah. Goodnight."

She raised her eyes to the ceiling as she heard the door click. She had to stop thinking about things like this. He wasn't in love with her anymore. She wasn't his. He was Ryan's. He was happy with Ryan. His voice had softed as he mentioned her. His eyes had lit up when he talked about the baby. He was in love with her. He ran his fingers over all her imperfections and kissed them and called her beautiful. JJ breathed out slow before pouring the wine down the drain. He was happy and she needed to move on. But how? How did she not think about these things? How did she make herself not want that? it was hard. It was impossible, but she had to try, didn't she? She had tried to make him see that it was supposed to be her and even if he was still in love with her, even if he had lied about that, he was still focused on the brunette. He was going to do whatever it took to be with Ryan and she had to accept that. She had to be happy that he was happy. That he was smiling again. JJ rested her hands against the counter, thinking about the picture in her office. She smiled. She could be happy that he was happy, couldn't she? That's all she had ever wanted. After all those hard times, when she had shown up at his door after watching him for hours, stare aimlessly out into space, curled up into himself. After watching him shake and shiver as he came off drugs ans she held him in her arms. Even, recently, when he found out about Henry and Will's drinking and all the lost time. He was out of that. He was clean and free of his burdens and making him choose between Ryan and her, Dylan and Henry. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. It had destroyed him, he had said, finding out Henry, but he had never acted. He never did anything to make her feel bad about it. He deserved the same respect. She sighed, straightened up. She could do the same. Even if it hurt. She was a strong woman, she could handle it. ...Couldn't she?

**Author's Note Part Deux**

Geez, this chapter is long, isn't it?

So Deacon, why is he there? No reason really. I've been watching Dead Like Me and there's an episode "Sunday Mornings", I think? Where AJ COOK, yes our JJ, is a character and Mason, my favorite character, is just... enthralled by her. and I thought the two were cute and then thought to myself, Hey! JJ deserves someone other than our wishy-washy main character. Will it be a relationship? Who knows? Will Deacon last? Who knows? But I think a friendship for JJ other than members of Team JJ and Team Ryan is needed. Someone who doesn't really give an Eff about Spencer Reid at all. Maybe give her some insight. maybe not. I just wanted to add him. He might be a useless character. Maybe not. I dont know. I just write. *shrugs*


	20. Chapter 20

"What do you think of the name 'Dylan'?" Ryan asked, running her fingers over her glass of water.

"It's cute, For a girl or a boy?"

"Either. Spencer wanted to have a name for the baby. I think it makes it easier to him. To have a name and he likes to know what it looks like and all that."

"How is he doing with this?"

"He's excited." She smiled. "He's given up coffee for me. He doesn't want me to drink it so he's not drinking it either."

"Wow, he must love you."

Ryan looked at her glass. "I think so. God, Elle, he's so.." She shook her head, trying to think of the right word. "I don't know. He makes me feel like... I'm important."

"You are important."

"No, I know. I mean... There are times when it's just us and we aren't talking about work or friends or Henry or anything important and he'll look at me and it's like... I'm the only thing he sees and...I don't know. it's strange. It's strange and it's amazing and when we're just laying and I can feel him and smell him and-"

"You're in love, Ryan. It's all normal."

"I could use to this." She said and sipped her drink. "And that's terrifying because I know he's still in love with JJ and they have this bond that I don't understand and won't ever understand. I'm always nervous he's going to realize I'm not her, that we won't ever have that and he'll leave. What if he doesn't feel what I'm feeling, you know?"

"It's scary, Ryan. No one said love was easy."

Ryan rolled her eyes at that. "But I shouldn't be scared he's going to leave me for his best friend."

"He told you that he told JJ he wasn't in love with her right?"

"But it's obvious that he is. He called me last night, talking about the new guy at her work and now he's got a bad vibe about him. and how this guy invited JJ to a soccer game. He's jealous and he won't admit that he's jealous that someone's showing her attention."

"But he told her he wasn't. He's trying to move past her to be with you. That has to mean something."

"It does." She sighed. "It does. I just... I told him that I'd work on my issues with him and he's doing what he promised too, I guess... I just have to... He wouldn't do that if he didn't love me right?"

"He loves you, Ryan." Elle watched as Ryan sighed.

"I told him I'd move down there. What am I going to do without you?" Ryan said, looking up with a frown.

Elle laughed. "Like you could get rid of me that easy. Jason's all tech-savy and you'll get close to Garcia - she loves everyone - and we'll be fine."

"Can't you move with me? Dylan's going to need her Aunt Elly!"

Elle rolled her eyes.

****************************************

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer's eyes were closed as he listened to Ryan's breathing through the phone.

"You still awake?" She said, softly.

"Mmhmm." He breathed out. He was comfortable.

"Henry asleep?"

He looked down at the little boy in the crook on his arm. JJ had be called out on a case and Henry had had a nightmare, so he was laying in bed with him.

"Mmhmm."

Ryan sighed, sleepily. "I wish I was there."

"Me too." He muttered softly.

He listened to her breath again for a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"Spencer?"

"Uh huh."

"Does it ever...Does it scare you?"

"Does what scare me?"

"Loving me?" She said, softly, almost afraid.

"Why would that scare me?"

"Because...Because it makes you vulnerable. Breakable. It gives the other person the chance to make you feel like you can't breathe and makes you dizzy - good dizzy and then...take it away. It's scary. It's...very, very scary."

"I'm not going to take it away."

"I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. I wanted to hate you."

"I know."

"And now I can't stop thinking about you. And it scares me."

"You don't have to be."

"I know, but I can't... Everyone's always left, Spencer. How can I not worry?"

"I can't promise you that we'll stay together, Ryan."

"I know, Spence, I just.."

"But I want to be here for you as long as you'll let me."

"I'll always let you be here."

"Then?"

"Then." She breathed out. "...does it scare you?"

"Completely."

Ryan smiled. "What scares you about it?"

Spencer took a deep breath. "I'm scared...that... you're going to realize you can do better. That you're going to wake up one day and see that you deserve better. And you can. You're... a beautiful amazing woman and you deserve someone who can give you the world."

Ryan inhaled deeply and snuggled into her pillow a little. "I wish you were here so I can kiss you and tell you how ridiculous that is."

"It's not..."

"It is. If anything, I don't deserve you."

"Now that's ridiculous."

"Is not. Now go to bed."

There were a few moments of silence as Spencer listened to her breathing. It stayed the same; she was still awake.

"Ryan?"

"Go to bed, Spence."

"You make me feel a good dizzy too. Blender-dizzy."

She chuckled a little. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I think you're tired, Spencer." She looked to the clock. It was one in Vegas, meaning it was four in DC. "You have to get up in two hours."

"With no coffee." He grumbled.

****************************************

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer jumped up, feeling fingertips against her neck.

Garcia laughed. "Fallin' asleep on the job, Reid?"

He rubbed his eyes. "I was just trying to help Morgan with his paperwork. You know how he is."

Garcia ruffled his hair, "I do. You're sweet."

"I must have fallen asleep. I... I don't even remember when I fell asleep."

"It's about 7:30, so I wouldn't assume for long."

"How's everyone?"

"Working hard. I'm heading out to get some dinner while waiting for some information."

Spencer nodded, rubbing his eyes. Garcia paused. "Come with me? We'll talk."

Spencer nodded and grabbed his bag.

Garcia smiled, linking arms with him. "So what's keeping my sweet little genius up all night?"

"Henry. He never sleeps well the night JJ leaves. and then, Ryan and I got to talking."

"I heard that you're not drinking coffee as well."

Spencer groaned as Garcia pressed the elevator button. "It's awful, Pen. Completely and utterly awful."

Garcia laughed. "I bet. No caffeine at all? It's sweet though, giving it up since she can't drink it."

Spencer looked at her. "JJ told you, huh?"

Garcia nodded and he sighed, leaning against the wall of the elevator. "It can't be good for so many people to know."

"Two people?"

"Three. Elle knows too."

"Right, her best friend."

Spencer gave a short nod. "You really think she tells Elle more than she tells me."

Garcia gave him a look. "I know so. You don't think JJ tells you everything, do you?"

"But she's my best friend. Following your logic, she should."

"Oh honey. You're a boy. A bioy she's in love with it. Believe me, you know nothing."

Spencer frowned. "Like what?"

She laughed and tugged at his tie. "Like I'm going to tell you." She winked at him before walking out of the elevator, Spencer following.

"Garcia!" he whined and she looked back at him.

"That pout doesn't work for me, mister."

"Please."

She sighed before a mischevious look came over her face. "Are you sure you want to know?"

He nodded quickly, wanting to know what things JJ had told her that she couldn't tell him. Garcia grinned and took a step before him, same grin on her face. Spencer noticed it and looked at her, curiously. He knew that look. He gulped. Maybe he didn't want to know.

"I know things about you and those fingers and other long things." She trailed off, her eyes scanning down his body. He realized what she was saying and flushed bright red.

"PENELOPE!" He squeaked. "She didn't! You didn't even know about... She didn't tell you that!"

"Honey, you didn't think I'd ask as soon as I found out there was something going on? Come on, you know me better than that." She patted his cheek.

"She wouldn't. JJ knows that, she wouldn't tell you that, I'd never.."

"She didn't give me an exact number, she wouldn't do that, you know that. But a blush gives an answer just as good and let me tell you, I'm impressed."

Spencer flushed even deeper and Garcia laughed, never seeing the boy so red. She ruffled his hair. "Breathe, Spencer. It's not that big of a deal."

"Not that big of a deal! You know about.. You talked about... This.. This is not...Not acceptable at all."

Garcia laughed and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. "You wanted to know."

"I can't believe you talk about that! You're worse than Morgan!"

Garcia laughed. "Why do you think we're so close, baby doll?" She winked and he just shook his head.

"So not right." He muttered, walking along with her quietly for a few moments. "So...she told you about Will too? I mean, did she ever...compare?"

Garcia raised an eyebrow.

****************************************

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan closed her eyes as she listened to Spencer read about the baby.

"Spence."

He paused and she smiled. She closed her eyes and breathed in.

"How many hours until I see you?"

"Too many." He said and she wanted to laugh. The one time she wanted the direct answer with seconds and everything, he gave her nothing but something cute. "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for Grey and Will to get back from the crime scene. I want to go to bed."

"Maybe you could take a nap."

"We got a case to work, Spencer."

"Your health comes before work. This is the most-"

"I know, I know. I'm taking it easy. I'm keeping her safe. I am her Mommy, you know?"

Spencer smiled. "Yeah."

Ryan sighed. "Don't laugh at me, but I bought her something."

"Why would I laugh? What did you buy?"

"Just a onesie, but it's kind of adorable. It says 'If you think I'm cute, you should see my Daddy.'"

Spencer smiled. "Oh yeah?"

"Yep. She's going to be -"

"Hey there good lookin', What are you and Ryan talking about?" Elle's voice came through.

"How cute Dylan's going to be?"

"The cutest, but Ryan has to work now. I know you're working the 9 to 5 now, but us good guys gotta catch us some bad guys."

"Hey, I'm still a good guy." He said with a pout.

"Say goodbye to your woman, Reid."

There was some shuffle and Spencer huffed. "I'm still a good guy."

"She's just teasing you, Spence. You're the best, but I got to go. I'll call you when I get to the hotel."

"I love you."

Ryan smiled. "You better. We'll talk about...that...thing... later."

He chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "You are really horrible at hiding things."

Ryan laughed. "I'll talk to you later."

He hung up and looked at Garcia as she typed. "What did she buy?"

He told her and she turned to look at him with a grin. "How precious."

Spencer shrugged and looked at the screen. "I never thought I'd be here, Penelope."

Garcia's fingers paused and she turned to look at him. "What do you mean, sweet cheeks?"

He shrugged again and thumbed through the book in his lap. "Having kids and all that. I...I could have had girlfriends and that, you know? I mean, I was awkward and all and I didn't know how to react to people, but I was smart...really smart and there were people who...were attracted to that."

Garcia raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

"But I didn't want that. I didn't want... to be... I saw my mother and father's relationship fall apart and I-I didn't want to have to go through that and I definitely never wanted to risk bringing a child into the world that would have to go through what I went through, or what my mother went through with her illness. I.. I can't stop thinking about what if Henry gets that disease or what if Dylan's autistic, because there's information that it could be hereditary too and I have... qualities that can be...considered, you know? I mean, She could have Aspergers or something, it's..all...everything- I don't... I mean, I guess, what I'm saying is that... i don't... they could be damaged because of me and that's.. I never wanted to put anyone through that. And then JJ...and then... Henry...and Las Vegas, I was alone and Ryan... she was...and now, here we are and I'm going to have two kids and statistics are telling me that one of them is going to have something wrong and I'm..."

"scared?" Penelope asked, softly.

"Terrified." He corrected. "I know both women say that if somethings wrong with either, that they wouldn't leave. That they could handle it, but... they've never experienced it. They don't know. They don't have any idea how hard it is or what it's like and I... what if..."

Garcia wheeled over and took the book out of his hand and caressed his cheek. She didn't know what to tell him, but didn't have the right words. He raised his eyes to her.

"I can't do that alone again, Penelope."

**Author's Note:**

So I'm falling back into dialogue, I know, I know. but I... don't talk much so.. I talk alot in my stories. Eh. But! A lot happened in this chapter, so...it's all good...right? Hmmm.


	21. Chapter 21

****

********

Author's Note:

So I wrote another Penelope/Reid story, called Curious. It's after the episode JJ, so... fun. Oh, and...I got nominated for...some award thing for my other Penelope/Reid oneshot 'To the Cave', I can't think of what the thing is called at the moment and I'm too lazy to go check, but the voting and stuff for it doesn't start until the 22 and I'm sure I'll update again before then, so I'll mention it again. It's cool, I like being nominated, it's neat. haha. Okay. On with the story!

"Happy After-Hump Day!" Garcia said, patting Spencer on the back. He coughed on his drink before turning to her.

"What?" He said after composing himself.

"After-Hump Day. It's Thursday, so it's after...Because Wednesday is...never mind." Garcia looked in his cup, "Is that coffee?"

Spencer pulled back his cup and frowned. "No."

"Spencer Thomas Reid, I am telling on you."

"It's decaf!" Spencer cried out, holding his cup close. "I need it."

Penelope shook her head. "We should call your sponser and tell him about this new addiction."

Spencer looked at her, solemnly and Penelope flushed a little. She had been joking, forgetting about the fact that he actually did have a sponser.

"I...Sorry, Reid. I didn't mean like-"

He shook his head, wrapping his fingers around his cup, staring at the dark liquid. "No, no... you're right." He muttered before setting down the coffee. Garcia watched as he walked away before swearing to herself. No one talked about his addiction unless he brought it up and that was rare. She sighed and followed the man.

"Reid." She called out, grabbing his arm. He turned to look at her.

"I was just kidding."

"But you were right. I shouldn't be so...It's bad that I'm like that."

"It's coffee, it's just.. it's you. You've always loved your coffee. I was just kidding. You're not addicted...Well, you are addicted to coffee, but it's not..." She sighed. She wasn't doing any better. "I'd rather you be addicted to coffee than Dilaudid."

"Does it make me a bad person if I've been thinking about it again?"

Garcia leaned against the closest desk. "You've been thinking about doing drugs again?"

"No. I wouldn't do that. Not with Henry and now, Dylan... I've just been thinking about what it felt like. How...easy it was to just sit there and be in it and...not think about anything."

"But is that worth losing everything?" Garcia said, slowly, unsure what he was saying.

Spencer sat on the desk next to her. "No. I just, with everything going on, it'd be nice to close my eyes and not be bombarded with all the questions I have and all the information, and the feelings, and the fear."

Garcia nodded and reached out. "Maybe we should go to a meeting tonight, Spencer."

"You have to work, you have a case. I'll be fine, Penelope. I'm fine."

"Kevin can handle the fort for an hour or so." She squeezed his hand. "We're going to a meeting tonight. Our little secret."

********

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan stood when she saw the poeople flooding out of the doors Spencer and Henry was supposed to be coming out of. She had barely talked to the man since their conversation; the case had been a long and tiring one taking up most of her time for the week. She grinned largely when she saw the little boy first, with a bright red backpack on, bouncing. Someone had caffeine. She frowned at the jealous feeling that came over her. God, she really wanted a cup of coffee. She waved and Henry saw and ran over to her, causing Spencer to freak a little before he saw her. She saw him relax and walk towards the two.

"Ms. Ryan! Hi!" Henry said before hugging her tight. Ryan smiled and squeezed him back.

"Hey Mini."

"I came! Mommy didn't want me to come because she working a lot and she had the weekend off, but I told her I promised and Daddy said you can't break a promise and she said okay, but she was sad, so I tell her that I make sure I call her a lot. A lot a lot, not just once, but like FIVE times a day."

"Five times, huh?"

Henry nodded and showed her five fingers. "Five times!"

Ryan grinned before looking up at Spencer. She set the boy down before wrapping her arms around the man. "I missed you."

Spencer wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her neck, holding her tighter than she ever think she'd felt him hold her. He didn't say anything and Ryan knew something was wrong. When he pulled back, she locked eyes with him. He smiled at her, but it didn't reach his eyes, before kissing her. "Missed you too."

She smiled at him, reminding herself to ask him about it later. She looked back at the little boy. "How about some pizza?"

Henry's eyes got wide. "Yeah!"

********

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer smiled as he saw Ryan come outside. She looked at him, curiously.

"What are you doing out here, Spence?"

"I could use some fresh air."

Ryan nodded and sat next to him, before peering into his cup. "Red Wine?"

"You had a bottle and I... It's been a long week."

Ryan nodded, resting her head on his shoulder and a hand on his thigh.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really." He said, looking at his cup.

"I didn't upset you with our conversation, did I?"

"No. I'm fine. Just a long week."

"Then why won't you look at me? Tell me what's wrong."

He shifted his eyes to her and she wanted to smack him. "I'm fine, Ryan."

She reached out and grabbed his chin, causing him to face her. "Don't lie to me. I know when you're not okay."

He sighed, looking into her eyes. "I just.. I'm scared. Our conversation and then, everything else."

Ryan let go of his face and grabbed his hand. "Like what?"

"I started to think about everything else that scares me about this, and... everything does. Not just about you and the baby, but about JJ and Henry. He's so smart, Ryan. He's so smart and he's going to start school in a couple years and what if everyone thinks he's different and doesn't want to be his friend?"

Ryan frowned and squeezed his hand. "He made friends in that daycare place he was in while he was here, remember?"

"Yeah, but school is different. He's going to have all the right answers and the teachers are going to love him and...he's going to be so smart, he can already count to five, Ryan. They're going to move him up and he's going to be around older people and he won't be able to connect and-"

"Spencer. He has us and JJ and everyone and I'm sure she'll make sure he'll have friends. He'll be in sports or something where he can be around kids his age and have fun."

"But we can't stop people from picking on him. He could be in high school as a preteen and people are so mean, Ryan. They're so mean."

Her heart was breaking as she watched Spencer shake his head, remembering all the bad things that happened to him. She scooted closer to him and touched his face. "We can't think that far ahead yet, Spence. He's a happy little boy right now, who loves his mom and his dad and his uncles and aunts. We'll deal with that when we get to it."

"But what if he's schizo-"

Ryan pressed her fingers to his lips, causing him to stop. "We'll deal wth that if we get there. Right now, he's a happy social little boy. Just be glad for that."

"You could leave."

"I'm not going to leave, Spence. We talked about this already, remember?"

"But you don't know how-"

"I don't care how hard it is. He's a part of you. He's your son and I love you and I love Henry."

"But-"

"Shh." She hushed him, running her hand up to comb her fingers through his hair. "You don't have to be afraid of that, Spence. I'm not leaving him. I'm not leaving you." She leaned in and kissed his forehead.

"I don't believe you."

Ryan watched as he got up and walked inside before following him, a little angry.

"And why the hell not?"

"Because you don't know what it's like, Ryan! One day, he's not going to be a cute little boy. He's going to be 6'1 and strong and if he's sick, he's going to have moments where he's mean and it's scary!"

"I can handle myself. I'm strong, too, Spencer."

He turned to face her before walking up to her, too close and yet she didn't back up. She looked up at him, seeing the hurt and fear and the anger in his eyes.

"Will you be strong when you walk into our home one day after a case or something and he's there and he attacks you? Because he doesn't remember who you are? Or because he found your files, saw that you were from the FBI and thought you were someone who was going to take him in, who was going to hurt him. Are you going to be able to fight with the cute 'little boy' as he holds you by the throat, demanding who you are and what you want with him?"al

Ryan kept her eyes locked with his, seeing how they become wet and the angry and everything faded into pure heartache. She didn't reach out and touch him.

"Did your mom do that to you, Spencer?" She asked, softly.

Realization came into his eyes and he backed up before turning away to grab the bottle. Ryan followed him and ran her hand over his arm, taking the bottle away from him.

"Spence."

He turned back to her as she set it back down and placed her hands on his cheeks. "Whether it's Henry or Dylan or both, neither. If they get sick, I am going to be here and we'll work through this. We'll take them to the specialists and we'll get them the help they need and...it's going to be scary and hard and a lot of heartache, but we don't have to be your parents. We don't have to be like you have JJ and you have me and you have everyone and so will Henry and Dylan and we'll all be there. You don't have to be alone anymore, okay? You're not alone."

Spencer sighed and leaned his forehead against hers. She watched as he struggled with his emotions. She rubbed the back of his neck, running her fingers through his hair as he rested his head on her shoulder, his arms wrapped around her. After a few moments, he pulled back and kissed her. Ryan pulled back and looked at him, his eyes full of unshed tears.

"I love you, Spencer Reid."

"I love you. Can we go to bed now?" He said, leaning into her touch. He looked exhausted and she knew that his worries had been weighing on him for a while, and if he could sleep, then they would sleep. She nodded, carressing his cheek before grabbing his hands and pulling him towards the room.

********

****

Author's Note (Part Deux):

So this scene was supposed to be meant for JJ and Reid, but... when I wrote it for them, it came out as angry and... I don't know why, but it didn't work. I think it's good for R2 because it sort of brings them a little closer, which I think they might need. Plus, Spencer learning he can lean on someone other than JJ...is nice. I think. Hmm. But I got to go to work now.


	22. Chapter 22

Ryan smiled as she crawled on the bed with Spencer.

"Don't you feel a little guilty that we dropped Henry off an hour early?"

Spencer grabbed her by the waist and pulled her up. "Nope."

Ryan giggled and kissed his neck. "How are you feeling, Spencer?"

"I'm okay."

"Really?"

He shrugged. "I just want to see her heartbeat and know she's growing and everything's okay with her. I don't want to worry about anything else right now."

He turned them so that her back was against the bed before pushing her shirt up. "How's your little heart doing today, Dylan? Mommy and Daddy really wanna see you today. You know," He said, looking up at her. "We could see if she's a twin."

"Spencer Thomas Reid, don't you dare jinx us."

"Jinx us? and I can use your middle name too, Ryan Lakia."

"It's not really a middle name as much as it is my mother's maiden name."

"I know, but I like it. Ryan Lakia Williams."

"Mmhmm." She said, running her fingers through his hair.

"Isn't Mommy's name pretty, Dylan? Your name is pretty too, huh? Dylan Alexandria."

She laughed and grabbed his tie, pulling him back up. "You can talk to Dylan later, I want you now."

"You want me?" He asked, balancing his weight above her.

"I want to know you're okay. You kind of scared me last night."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Did your mom...really do that?"

He shook his head, he didn't want to talk about that. "Ryan, I-"

"Is that why you're scared for Henry to meet her?"

"Please, let's not..."

Ryan placed her hands at the base of his neck. "Tell me."

"Yes. She did. She didn't know who I was and she had found my application that Gideon had given me and thought I was coming to take her away and I couldn't... I couldn't hurt her, she was my mother so.. I... I don't know what happened. I woke up and found her in the closet, crying."

"You passed out."

"I... I don't know. Can we please not talk about this."

"How many times did something like this happen, Spence?"

He shook his head. "Not a lot. I didn't go to class a lot, so I didn't have to leave very often."

Ryan ran her hands down his chest. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

"It wasn't that bad."

"It was. No one should have to worry about that."

"No one should have to lose all of their family."

Ryan sighed and played with his tie. "I got my family now, though, right?"

Spencer nodded and kissed her. "You do."

Ryan smiled as his fingertips moved over her stomach. "You have me and Henry and Dylan."

"And Dylan's Auntie Ellie!"

Spencer chuckled. "Auntie Ellie?"

Ryan grinned and nodded. "Uh huh. And Uncle Jason and Will."

"And Aunt Penny, Emmy. Uncle Derek."

"And Aunt JJ." Ryan said, looking at him with a slight smile.

Spencer looked at her before kissing her.

************************

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"

That's it?" Ryan asked, squinting. "I don't see a baby."

Spencer leaned in and touched the dot. "That. see how it's palpitating. It's her heart."

Ryan leaned in before looking at Spencer like he was crazy. "I don't see a baby."

Dr. Lang smiled. "Well, it's definitely a baby. It's heartbeat is 122, which is good. It's just one baby-"

"Thank God." Ryan said.

"-and she looks to be doing well, so far. Everything's looking good. We'll schedule an appointment to see you again in a few weeks. You'll be able to see more then, I'm sure. It's hard the first time, but we'll print you out some pictures, so maybe you'll be able to find her in them." Dr Lang smiled, hitting a few buttons to print out a picture for each parent.

"I'm such a bad mother, I can't even see my baby." Ryan muttered, looking at Spencer after Dr. Lang got up and exited.

"You are not." He said with a chuckle. "But we don't have to tell her that you couldn't spot her, okay?"

Ryan pouted. "You really saw her? You weren't just appeasing the doctor?"

Spencer grinned. "I really saw her and she's adorable."

"She's a speck! She can't be adorable!"

"She's a speck who's half you. She's adorable."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "You're a dork. Now let's get out of here. I'm hungry."

"Yes ma'am."

************************

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Right there, Ryan." Elle said, pointing to the circular white area in the middle of the black.

"That's not a baby! It's a dot!" Ryan cried out.

"Well that 'dot' is your baby. Congratulations."

Ryan looked at the picture before looking up at her. "That's really..." She looked at the picture. "That's her then?"

"Yep. That's her."

"Wow." She touched the little dot carefully.

"Where's the Daddy to be?"

"Picking up Henry from Will's." She said, not looking up from the picture.

Elle watched her for a moment. "It's amazing isn't it?"

Ryan nodded once, silently. "I'm going to be a mom."

"You are."

"Is it crazy that I..." She paused, running her fingers over the picture. "That I...really am glad that I am?"

"Going to be a mom?"

"Yea."

"No. You should be happy."

"I am. I'm happy. and excited. and... scared shitless."

Elle chuckled. "Yeah, I bet Spencer's right there with you."

Ryan bit at her lip, thinking about Spencer's fears. "She could have problems, you know."

"Tha baby? Like what?"

"Schizophernia. Austism. It's...Do you think I'd be.. He's scared and...I told him that we'd be able to deal with it, but... I mean, I say that I would, but..."

"You'd be able to, maybe not alone, but Spencer's a lot tougher than he protrays himself as. He took care of his mom for 8 years alone. Working together, you guys could do it. It'd be hard, but you'd be able to do it."

"You really think so?"

Elle nodded.

Ryan sighed, looking back at the picture. "I just hope she's perfect. I just hope that Henry and her both don't have anything wrong with them and he doesn't ever have to deal with anything like that again. He deserves to not worry about that stuff, Elle."

Elle smiled at her before looking over her shoulder. "Speak of the devil."

Spencer smiled at her, setting Henry down so he could go sit next to Ryan. "Where's Jason?"

Elle rolled her eyes. "I don't know. Busy."

Ryan laughed. "He's at a conference. Elle doesn't know what to do with herself."

"We aren't dating!" She said and Ryan just gave her a look.

Henry looked between the woman, before pulling on Ryan's sleeve. "Does Ms. Elle love Mr. Jason?"

"Uh huh."

"I do not!" Elle said, but it was too late. Henry's eyes widened and he grinned.

"Mr. Jason and Ms Elle love each other, Daddy. Like you and Ms. Ryan and..and... Uncle Derek and Aunt Emmy."

Elle raised an eyebrow. "Derek Morgan is in love?"

Henry nodded, quickly. "Mommy say that Aunt Emmy and Uncle Derek are 'meant to be.'"

"Oh yeah?"

Ryan laughed and ruffled the little boy's hair. "Stop gossiping, Henry."

Henry frowned. "Gossiping?" He asked, confused.

"It means..." Ryan frowned, looking at Spencer.

"Sharing personal information about someone else." Spencer defined and Henry looked at him.

"But Mommy said-"

"Mommy gossips." Spencer said and pulled the little boy to his lap. "Come on, buddy. We got to have lunch."

Henry reached out and grabbed an ultrasound picture. "What's this, Daddy?"

All three adults shared a glance before Ryan picked them up. "They're pictures of what's inside of me. The doctor took them to make sure I was okay."

Henry looked at her. "Are you okay, Ms. Ryan?"

"I'm just perfect."

Henry grinned. "Good. I be sad if you sick, Ms. Ryan."

Spencer nodded. "Me too, Henry, me too."

"That's 'cause we love Ms. Ryan, huh, Daddy? You love Ms. Ryan a lot, right?"

"More than you like ice cream."

Henry's eyes widened. "No way!"

************************

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan looked at the picture again as she laid in bed before hearing the door click. She turned to see Spencer, wet from the shower, towel slung around his waist.

"We're having a dot."

He smiled. "It's a baby, I promise."

"I still just see a dot. She's a cute dot, though."

Spencer sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her. "The cutest."

Ryan smiled and sat up to be closer. "I was thinking...that seeing how I'm going to be four months along when I get to DC that... it doesn't really make sense for me to get a place on my own."

Spencer straightened and turned to look at her. "Oh?"

She nodded, slowly, her eyes following her fingers, that moved against his collarbone. "Yeah, the baby's going to be born a few months later and...I don't want to keep you from being able to see her whenever you want so...I mean, definitely since, I'm going to need your help with everything."

"Yeah."

"And we're together...so... I mean, it makes since for us to..."

"Live together?"

Ryan raised her eyes to meet his. He didn't look completely turned off by the idea. She nodded again, not breaking the stare. She watched as he licked his lips, thinking about it.

"We'd need a bigger place."

"Yeah."

"A house?"

Ryan looked away. "That'd probably be the best, but.. if we break up, I don't think I could afford a house on my own and I wouldn't want to leave you with that."

"You'd stay in the house if something happened and I'd still help pay for it."

"Spence-"

"For Dylan." He interjected, not listening. "You'd stay in the house."

Ryan bit at her bottom lip, suddenly feeling nervous about the whole thing. "We could just rent out a three bedroom apartment for six months to see if it worked before...that'd be better. Just to make sure we...could handle living together...and a baby and everything."

"We'd need four rooms. Our room and then Dylan's, Henry's and an office. A house makes more sense. Dylan needs a nursery and a house to grow up in. They need a yard and..."

"But Spence, what if-"

"I thought we weren't going to worry about what could happen?"

"Yeah, but-"

"But we aren't going to think about that. We're happy and we're having a baby. A baby who deserves to have her own room in her own house with her parents and her brother and-"

"Okay, Okay. A house then." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Are you sure you want to live with me though? You've seen me when I wake up and I can be a bitch if I don't get enough sleep. Plus, I'm kind of messy."

"It's okay. I'm organized. I'll clean."

"I can cook though."

"I come with a lot of books."

"Which will only be in the office and Henry's bedroom."

"Dylan's going to be a bookshelf too."

"Not as an infant!"

Spencer pouted and Ryan kissed him. "One bookshelf...of kid's books. If I can't understand what they say, they aren't going in her room. I'm talking princess stories and Curious George. And her room is going to be pink."

"Pink? Why not purple?"

She raised an eyebrow before looking at him amused.

"Daddy?" Both adults turned to see the little boy at the door, rubbing his eyes. "Can I sleep with you?"

Spencer turned back to Ryan, who was looking at Henry. She moved off the man's lap before going to pick up the little boy, who rested against her. "That couch sucks, huh, buddy?"

"Someone is talking loud."

"You can sleep in here with us since my neighboors are meanies, okay?"

"Okay." He sighed and Ryan got into bed with the little boy, who snuggled into her side. Spencer turned to look at the two before getting up to get dressed. He returned to see the little boy asleep and Ryan running her fingers through his hair, humming to the little boy.


	23. Chapter 23

Ryan groaned as the phone rang before reaching over both men to grab it.

"You better have a good ass reason to be calling at 6 o'clock on a Sunday."

There wasn't any response so Ryan pulled the phone away from her ear to look at the CallerID. It was Spencer's phone - JJ calling. Wonderful. She sighed.

"Sorry, JJ. Henry's still asleep, do you want me to wake him?"

"No." She paused. "How was your appointment?"

Ryan leaned against the headrest before wondering what game JJ was playing. She looked down at Spencer and Henry. She could be nice to the woman for them, couldn't she? She eased out of the bed, before walking into the living room.

"It...We saw the ultrasound, the baby."

"That's exciting. Did he freak out?"

Ryan smiled, thinking about Spencer. He had been so excited to see their cute little dot. "No, he's doing great. Do you still have Henry's ultrasound pictures? He put Dylan's in his wallet...and...maybe you could give him one of Henry's? I mean, I...I think he'd like that."

Ryan sat on the couch, bringing the blanket for Henry up over her legs. She was trying to be civil and nice. She had seen a look for just a second enter Spencer's eyes as they looked at the ultrasound. She didn't really know what it was exactly, but she knew it had something to do with Henry and how he hadn't been there for all these moments with him and JJ.

"Yeah. yeah, maybe."

Ryan bit on her bottom lip. "Can I ask you something, JJ?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Do...Did Spencer ever tell you about...his mom?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like his childhood, what happened to him?" She didn't want to share the secrets Spencer had shared with her, but she wanted to know if JJ knew as well. Maybe the blonde had some insight on the situation she didn't.

"We've talked about some things. His dad leaving. I know his mom made him do some crazy things because of her illnes, why?"

"No reason. I.. just worry about him." And she did worry about him even more now. She wondered about what other things could have happened to him. He protrayed his childhood as decent, but hard and now she wondered if that was all a complete lie. And if it was, how he had the relationship he did with his mother?

She heard JJ sigh. "I know what you mean. Sometimes, I think it's better not to bring it up, you know? If he wants to talk about it, he will. You can't really push him."

She thought about the Friday, how close he had gotten and the look in his eyes. She hadn't been scared for herself, but him, having to relieve that. And she had made him do it. "I know." She said, softly, feeling a little guilty.

"Is he freaking out about the chance of her having schizophrenia?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "And if we're going to be there if she does, or Henry does.."

"I would never walk away from him."

"Neither would I."

There was a moment of silence. "If you break his heart, Ryan, I will-"

"I know. And if you try to break us-" She cut in, not needing to hear the threat.

"I know. Truce?"

"For Spencer and Henry." She agreed.

"Henry loves you, you know that, right?" JJ said softly. "It's hard not to be a little jealous.

"I hope he does. I love him. and...I... I know Spencer is going to want you to be a part of Dylan's life too...and I'd...like that."

There was a pause as both women tried to figure out what to say next.

"I still love him."

"I know, how could you not?"

"He told me that he wasn't-"

"I know. He told me, but I know that he is. He'll always be in love with you, JJ. You're his first."

"He's happy with you though. He respects your relationship. I know, I've tested it."

Ryan picked at the blanket, unsure of what to say. She heard JJ sigh. "I... Well, have Henry call me when he wakes up, alright?"

"Okay." Ryan said, softly.

"Bye."

Ryan hung up the phone before looking at it for a few seconds. She wondered how sincere JJ was being. Could they really call a truce and be civil to each other? She got up and walked back into the bedroom. She sat on the bed, closest to Spencer, looking over the father and son. She smiled, seeing them laying in the exact way: left knee bent, right arm under their head. She leaned in a kissed Spencer's forehead, causing him to stir.

"Hey." He mumbled and she laid down next to him, snuggling into his side. He turned to wrap his arm around her. "What are you doing up so early? Sick?"

She shook her head, backing up against him before cradling his arm against her chest. "JJ called."

He didn't react much. "It's like nine, ten there, calling for Henry."

"Yeah. We talked."

"That's nice." He said, sleepily and she nodded.

"It was, actually."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Ms. Ryan! Ms. Ryan!"

Ryan opened her eyes to see Henry standing in front of her.

"Hmm, buddy?"

"I hungry. We have waffles?"

She untangled herself from the man and nodded. "Yeah, Mini. We can have some waffles."

She got out of the bed and grabbed his hand, walking with him to the kitchen.

Henry sat down, waiting for the woman to make him the food and Ryan looked at him.

"Hey Hen?"

Henry looked up at her. "Yes, Ms. Ryan?"

"You want chocolate chip, waffles?"

His eyes widened. "Can I?"

"Sure, but you can't tell Daddy or he'll eat them all."

Henry looked back at the bedroom before back at Ms. Ryan. He nodded, silently and Ryan grinned, before starting to make them.

Henry sat quietly for a few moments before looking at her. "Ms. Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to marry my Daddy?"

Ryan paused. "I..."

"I hope you do."

Ryan looked at him.

"then you won't leave, like Papa left. Ms. Lily watch shows about people who marry and they said that they be together forever. That's what marry means right?"

"Yeah. When you marry someone, you promise to spend your life with them."

"Yeah...so you marry Daddy, because I like you and I don't want you to leave."

Ryan moved to sit across from the little boy. "Has your Papa called you lately, Henry?"

Henry frowned. "He tell me he got a house and he going to let me come see him, but it not ready yet. I got to wait until it ready."

Ryan nodded. "Well I'm sure-"

"But Papa change since I call Spenner Daddy, Ms. Ryan. He don't like Mommy no more and...he moved...and...Mommy and Daddy tell me that he still loves me and its not my fault but he leave. and I don't want you to leave, Ms. Ryan."

"I'm not leaving."

"Ever?"

Ryan scooted over to him and picked him out of the chair and into her lap. "I promise that as long as I am able to be here for you, I will be. and whenever you need me, you can call me, no matter what time or anything, you have your mommy or your daddy call me and I'll answer or call you back as soon as I can."

"Because you could be working."

"Yeah, but I'd call you my first free moment."

"Like Mommy."

"Yeah, like your mom does."

Henry nodded and wrapped his arms around her neck. "Love you, Ms. Ryan."

The toaster popped as Ryan hugged the little boy back. "Love you too, Henry. Ready for my waffles?"

He nodded, quickly. "Yeah!"

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"so next time, Your place or mine?" Ryan teased, leaning into the man's embrace.

Spencer looked at the depature times as he held on the woman. "How about you just come with us?"

Ryan turned in his arms and looked up at him. "You know I can't."

"We'll kick Deacon out and-"

"Mr. Deacon taking me to a soccer game, Ms. Ryan!" Henry jumped in, hearing the familiar name.

Ryan looked at him impressed. "Cool, buddy." She looked at the annoyed look on Spencer's face and kissed him.

"He's not replacing you." She said under her breath and Spencer shook his head.

"I'm not worried about that. Henry just.. l-o-s-t his other f-a-t-h-e-r figure and he doesn't to have someone new come in and be what you-know-who isn't being. Definitely if Deacon's assignment is temporary."

"Is it temporary?"

"I don't know. Hopefully."

Ryan looked at him before carressing his cheek. "Can we not talk about this right now? You leave in like 10 minutes."

"Right."

Henry looked up at the two. "My turn, my turn!"

Ryan pulled away from Spencer to scoop up the little boy. "Your turn?"

"My turn to say Bye." He launched himself at her, giving her a whole body hug. "I love you, Ms. Ryan. and I miss you, but I call you as soon as I get home and when I go to bed, like you said...you answer my calls, right?"

"Right."

"And you come see me again?"

"Sure will. In Two weeks, okay?"

"Two weeks! Daddy, two weeks." He turned to look at his dad, making sure he had heard.

"in two weeks." Spencer repeated. "You'll be nine weeks, that Monday."

Henry looked at his dad confused. "Huh?"

Spencer shook his head and went to take Henry from the woman, who pulled back, slightly. Spencer gave her a confused look.

"I want to hold him."

"He's 26 pounds, Ryan."

"So?"

"So..." He gave her a look. "You aren't supposed to carry anything that heavy...because you're..." He looked at Henry. "Sick."

Ryan rolled her eyes before letting Spencer take him. Henry pouted but laid his head against the man's shoulder, ready for his nap. Ryan continued to pout though. Spencer leaned in and kissed her forehead. "I love you and I'm just looking out for you."

"I know. I know." She ran her fingers over the little boy's back. "I'm going to miss you guys."

"We'll see you again in two weeks, remember?" Spencer tried and she gave him a look.

"Two weeks seems so long."

Spencer watched as her eyes got watery. Where her hormones already making her emotionally unstable? He wrapped his free arm around her, holding her close.

"It'll be okay, Ryan."

She pulled away a moment later and wiped her eyes, even though no tears had fallen. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I know. It's... it's fine. I'm okay." She leaned up on her toes to kiss him. "I love you."

"Are you sure..."

"I'm fine. You got a flight to catch. Call me as soon as you get off the plane."

She kissed Henry's forehead. "Love you, Mini."

"I love you." The little boy mumbled and Spencer smiled at her.

"Are you sure you're okay. I could call Elle and-"

"I'm fine, Spencer. Hormones. It's.. just hormones."

He nodded,watching her before nodding again. "Okay. okay, I'll see you."

Ryan watched as they moved through the gate before moving to sit down for a second. She didn't like this overly emotional stuff or the fact she couldn't control it and she knew it was only going to get worse, thanks to Dr. Reid's books of knowledge.


	24. Chapter 24

Ryan watched the woman care for her baby as Elle talked about something. The woman was feeling the little boy (or little girl; did girls wear green? Would Spencer have strict gender roles for their baby) and she was being so gentle. She wondered hASre ow it would feel to feed her own baby? Could she breastfeed? Would she? She knew that it was better for the baby, and could almost hear Spencer telling her why and how. She wondered if he would be fascinated by that as well. She smirked at the thought.

"Are you even listening to me, Ryan?"

"Huh?"

Elle rolled her eyes and followed her eyesight before smiling.

"You're really starting to get into the baby thing, aren't you?"

Ryan shrugged, tearing her eyes away from the mother and child. "It's..." She smiled a little.

"There's a baby inside me. With a beating heart and growing so much. I'm.. I've gained some weight. Not much, but I mean, I'm starting to. It's just... I feel...pregnant, you know?"

"No, I don't, but I understand what you're saying."

Ryan sipped her water, before looking back at the little family. "I think about what she'll be like. If she'll have his personality or if she'll have my mother's eyes or anything of hers. I hope she's...Mrs. Reid smart, but not as smart as Spencer, you know? Henry's so smart and I know he's so proud of him, everytime he does something that is above his level, but I don't want her to be so far ahead of everything that she can't connect with people her age or that she goes up grades. I hope she has his smile." She smiled. "He has such a great smile, doesn't he?"

Elle rolled her eyes. "You're crazy."

"Am not. We're going to get a house."

Elle raised an eyebrow.

"I know, I know. but... it doesn't make sense to live in his little apartment or two different apartments. Plus, I'm not waking up with her at night, so if he's there all the time, he can get up and do everything at the ungodly hours."

"Is she going to be a Christian?"

"Yes...I think... He said we'd teach her about Heaven and everything, so that means she'd follow my religion,...right?"

Elle shrugged. "I'd assume."

Ryan bit on her bottom lip. "I guess we have some more talking to do."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

"What are you looking at?" JJ asked, walking to sit on the couch.

Spencer's eyes widened as he closed his laptop. "Nothing!" he squeaked.

JJ raised an eyebrow before taking the computer from him and opening it. She grinned at what she saw.

"Cribs?"

Spencer blushed. "Well.. I figured... She's going to have a baby and since I don't have a crib, seeing how Henry never stayed the night until he was old enough to sleep in a bed. And I really-" He shrugged, looking off.

"Go on."

"-like the dark colored cribs, the brown. I think it goes well with the pink, seeing how Ryan wants to paint the room pink. Pink and Brown go together well, right?"

"Yeah, a lot of people...wait.. the room?"

Spencer took the computer back, scanning through the pages of cribs. "Yeah," he said, distractingly. "In the house, we're going to get. I'm thinking about Fredericksburg, the metro goes-"

"You're getting a house?"

Spencer looked at her, slightly confused. "Yeah."

JJ stared at him like he was insane. "Spencer! You can't get a house with her! You guys are have only been together for like 4 months."

"I know that, but by the time, she has the baby we'll have been together for almost a year and she's a first time mom and...I want to be there for everything, it only makes sense to have a house. Dylan deserves her own room and Henry could have toys in the yard and-"

"You're rushing though this, it... This isn't you, Spencer. You don't rush anything. What if something goes wrong and-"

"It's not."

"But if it does? You don't have an answer? See! That's not you. That isn't you at all."

Spencer closed the computer and looked at JJ. "Why should I worry about things that might not happen? If Ryan and I communicate and we continue to try to make it work, why won't it? I love her and I... I...She makes me feel... This just feels...right."

JJ stared at him before Henry came out of the room.

"Daddy, daddy! I call Ms. Ryan now?"

JJ turned to look at her son before shaking her head and getting up. This was insane. Completely insane. Spencer's eyes followed her, wondering why she was upset.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now, Henry."

Henry pouted. "Ms. Ryan said I could call whenever and I want to call now."

Spencer looked at him before ruffling through his pocket.

"No, Spencer. Henry, you don't talk to adults like that. What do you say?"

Henry sighed dramatically. "Daddy, can I please call Ms. Ryan...now?"

Spencer looked at JJ who nodded. "You sure can."

Spencer dialed the number and handed the phone to him before walking into the kitchen.

"Are you mad?" Spencer asked. JJ turned, her hands on the counter. She shook her head, watching as Henry talked expressively, hand motions and all. She smiled alittle.

"I'm fine, Spence."

"Really? Because you-"

"I'm fine." She said, looking at him. "I'm proud of you, Spencer. When I first met you, you couldn't even look me in the eye and now, look at you. In love, having a baby, moving in with your girlfriend. It's... It's amazing and I'm proud of you, really."

Spencer watched her for a minute before Henry called.

"Daddy, Ms. Ryan want to talk to you now."

Spencer kept his eyes on JJ for a moment longer before she nodded and he smiled, making his way to Henry. She watched as Henry ran into the kitchen and smiled at her before looking at her. He frowned.

"Mommy? Are you still sad about Daddy loving Ms. Ryan?"

She looked down at him before scooping him up. "No way, buddy. Why would I, when I have the best guy in the whole world?"

"Who, Mommy?" Henry asked, shocked.

"You, silly!"

**Author's Note:**

Sorry, this chapter is so short. I wrote it and the computer crashed and...I've been working and schooling and... God, I'm exhausted. and I just wanted to update.

I have two new OneShots: Are You? JJ/Reid, which is kind has a spastic ending. and You, Actually Morgan/Reid. It's pre-slash and something different. You should check those out.

and vote at the Profiler's Choice for my Garcia/Reid story - To The Cave!


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note:**

**So.. last chapter sucked. I admit. I don't even remember writing it so.. I apologize for that. But the idea of it was worth keeping, so I'm just going to leave it and move on, sound good? I'm sure I will rewrite Viva and WH eventually and I will deal with it then. So... Man, this is getting harder to write as we get closer and closer to the climax of the story. I kind of want to rush and I kind of want to stay where we are in the story. **

**Oh! I am thinking of writing a Dexter/Criminal Minds crossover - Spencer/Deb, but... I don't really know much about Dexter (other than the two seasons) - Anyone wanna do this with me? PM me!**

Ryan stared at herself in the mirror. She didn't see much of a change. Her pants didn't fit as well, but...it wasn't visible to anyone. Still, She _felt_ different. She felt... she didn't even know how to describe it. She turned to the side, trying to see if she was showing again, before pulling up her shirt. She sighed, feeling ridiculous before making her way to the bed. She laid down, thinking about how Spencer talked to the baby. She wondered if she should do the same thing? The baby heard her speaking all of the time, though, shouldn't she already know her voice? Ryan bit her lip before resting her hand on her stomach. What would she say? She couldn't speak to her stomach - that was Spencer's thing. Spencer, she smiled. He had called her today, telling her all the new things that the baby was doing and how her little body was growing. He had asked about her and if she was eating and drinking and doing everything she needed to be doing. He was being perfect. What would he tell her to do to conversate with their baby, if she felt stupid talking outloud. Writing. He'd tell her to write the baby letters; like he wrote to his mom. Could she do that? Dylan could read them once she was old enough. And if anything ever happened to Ryan, Dylan would always have the letters. She wondered if thats why Spencer wrote to his mother. She'd have to ask. She got up and grabbed a notebook, before starting to write.

_My dearest daughter_, she started before marking it out. They didn't know for sure their baby was a little girl.

_Dylan,_ she wrote, before pausing. What did she want to say? She decided to just write; whatever came out was the right thing to say.

_You are 7 and a half weeks old today. You are so little and barely look like anything (but believe me, daddy and I think you are the most precious thing in the world!). You have a long time until you come into this world and I can't believe how much I already love you. I admit, that at first, I was terrified of you and what you were going to do to my life, but each week that passes and as the day that I finally get to meet you comes closer, I get more and more excited. You have changed my world, Dylan, for the better. You and your father have brought something back into my life that I had almost forgotten about: Love. You see, your grandparents and your uncle died when I was just a teenager and I decided that I wasn't going to love anything like that again and I didn't for the longest time. And then I met your Daddy and...something changed. and then you came along and...Wow. I didn't even know a person could love this much. We saw your heart beating 4 or 5 days ago, and... to know that you are going to be my child, you are going to come into this world and I am going to be your mother makes me want to be...the best person in the world, just for you. I want to make this place safer for you. By the time, you read this, (if things are like they are now) you probably know that Daddy and I both have jobs that are pretty hard and that I travel a lot. Daddy stays with you a lot and I hope you know that you have one of the best Dad's in the world. I know that he talks a lot and says alot of obscure stuff about things no one knows anything about, but he loves you so much. Believe me, he talks to you and about you all the time. He knows more about you than I do at this point. And I know that your brother Henry is just the same way. He doesn't know about you at this point, because we have to wait to make sure you're going to be okay, but when he does, he's going to be so excited. He has wanted a brother or a sister for a while now. He will be a great brother! He's so adorable (but then again, I could be biased, because he's only two right now and just like your Daddy.) It's getting late though, Baby, so I should be getting to bed (You're exhausting me out, little one. I have slept more than in the last few weeks than in my life!) I will write you again in a few days. I love you so much. You and Daddy are my whole world. Don't forget that._

_- Mommy._

Ryan stared at the word. Mommy. It was strange and amazing all at the same time. She was Dylan's Mommy. She was going to be a mom. God, she couldn't believe it. She was more ready for it, more excited now than before - but the fear was still there. Could she do this without her mom? And even if she could, would she be any good at it? She knew Spencer would be a great dad - he always was. She knew that he thought she was good with Henry, but Henry was only around her for a few days at a time and he was a good behaved little boy. Could she handle a crying baby at all hours of the night? She had always told her mom that she was never having kids - definitely since she had to put up with a very cranky Max a lot. Her mother had just rolled her eyes and said something in Georgian - a quote that she never translated for her daughter. Her mother had been so adament that Ryan was going to have kids. She always told her what type of man to date - smart, not too good-looking, gentle hands. Now that she thought about it, Spencer kind of fit that profile. He was very smart, and good looking in the average-joe type of way. He wasn't a 'complete hottie'. And his hands? Spencer always touched with a sense of insecurity, always careful and he had nice hands, long fingers. Ryan rolled her eyes; she didn't need to be thinking about Spencer's fingers, but the baby inside of her. Her baby. She touched her stomach again before grabbing her phone and dialing Spencer's number.

"Reid."

"I need you." She said, softly.

"You need me? What's wrong?" His voice was lower than usual, thick with sleep. She had woke him, and yet, he didn't complain.

"...Am I going to be a good mother?"

"You're going to be great, Ryan. Why?"

"I wrote her a letter and I.. was just thinking about... What if I can't do it?"

"We've been over this, Ryan. We can do this. and We'll have help. We'll be okay."

"I'm scared, Spence." She said, softly.

"Why are you scared?"

"I don't want to let her down."

There was a long silence and Ryan thought maybe he had fallen asleep. "Spence?"

"You could never let her down, Ryan. You're her mommy. You are the reason she is here. You're keeping her safe right now and you're going to keep her safe until she's out and crying, and the doctor is going to put her in your arms and she's going to know you're her mommy and she's going to love you and feel safe, because you are her mother. You'll... You'll just know what to do, it's instinct."

"What if I don't have that instinct?"

"You do. You have it with Henry and he's not even your biological son."

"He's not son, at all, Spence."

"Right."

"You promise you think I'll be a good mom?"

"I promise."

"Will you get up with her at nights?"

"You're going to have to get up to feed her. Well, if you breastfeed, and you are going to breastfreed right? Because breast milk is much-"

She started to tune him out as he rambled about the benefits. It was amusing that even half asleep he knew all these facts. In a way, it was comforting. Spencer would know everything that she didn't from the educational stand point. He would keep them from making any grand mistakes. And she had been a decent sister to Max hadn't she? Other than that one day, she had played with him and done things with him.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Were you listening?"

"I was."

"It also helps with bonding, so... I mean, that could help with your insecurities, feeding her and everything. It might make you feel more maternal."

"Yeah, maybe."

"And we could start taking birthing classes and a parenting class or something, so we're prepared."

"Yeah." She sighed and closed her eyes. "Thank you, Spencer."

"For what?"

"For being there for me. For doing this. For...just being you, I guess."

"It's normal for first time mothers to be nervous. The baby books say-"

"Just tell me you love me, Spence."

He was quiet for a second. "I love you, Ryan."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

"Daddy?"

Henry asked from across the table. Both men were drawing - Henry's idea. Spencer looked up from his picture. "Yeah, Henry?"

"Do you think Ms. Ryan love me?"

"You know she does. She tells you all the time."

Henry nodded, drawing some more. He paused for a second, looking back up.

"But that cause she love you? She said I call her even if you don't love her, but...can I?"

Spencer set down his marker. "Sure, Henry. Ryan likes you before of who you are, not because you're my son. I mean, she likes you before you're my son, but thats not the only reason."

Henry nodded. "So you think if she don't love you, she still love me?"

Spencer nodded, slowly. "Why wouldn't she?"

Henry shrugged and sighed, sadly. "I don't know, Daddy. I don't know."

Spencer watched his son for a second, trying to figure out the right thing to say. As he was about to speak, Henry's bottom lip began to tremble.

"I miss Papa." He said, little tears coming from his eyes. Spencer stood, quickly, and scooped up the little boy quickly as he whimpered.

"Oh, Henry."

The toddler clung to Spencer as he cried and Spencer looked around, helplessly, wondering when JJ was going to come for dinner.

"Shh, buddy. Shhh, it's okay. Papa... Papa is a total asshole."

Henry pulled back, looking at his Dad in shock, tears still running down his face. Spencer's eyes widened, realizing what he had said.

"I mean-"

"Daddy! That's not nice! You no say that! That my papa and that a bad word!"

"I'm sorry, Henry- I just-"

The door opened and JJ paused as soon as she saw the little boy and Spencer. She rushed over and grabbed the little boy, hugging him to her chest.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Daddy call Papa a asshole."

"Spencer Reid!"

"He-He-Henry started to cry and..it was because.. and He is! He is! He's making Henry cry and he's not calling and being there. He had responsibilities and he's just abandoning his son and it's... he's an asshole, JJ!"

"DADDY!" Henry yelled, so hocked that his dad was swearing and saying bad things about his Papa that he had forgotten about the sadness.

JJ stared at Spencer before setting Henry down. "Why don't you go to your room for a second while Daddy and I talk, okay, Henry?"

Henry looked at his Mom and his dad. "He go to time out, Mommy. He say bad words and he's being mean about Papa."

JJ looked at the boy. "I'll take care of it. Go to your room, okay?"

Henry looked at his dad. "You in trouble, Daddy. BIG trouble." He nodded before grabbing his markers and paper.

JJ grabbed his hand. "No markers in the room. Play with your rollercoaster, okay?"

Henry pouted and sighed, but set the markers down. JJ ruffled his hair and waited until he was gone before turning back to Spencer.

"Calling Will an asshole in front of Henry, really? Spence, really?"

"He is! Has he called Henry once since getting settled in down there?"

"No, but -"

"but nothing! He's abandoning him and that's not fair to Henry! He's hurting and he deserves to know that it's Will's fault. He shouldn't be blaming himself."

"And you think calling his Papa, a man that he loves almost as much as he loves you, is the right thing to do?"

"He should know the truth. His 'papa' is not a good man. Who just leaves their son like that?"

"Are we talking about Henry or are we talking about you, Spence?"

Spencer glared at her and she sighed. "I'm not attacking you, Spence, but Henry isn't you. He's got a great father and if Will is going to walk away, that's his issue. and Henry will hurt, but he has you. He has me. He was his uncles and his aunts and he'll get through this. We don't have to lower ourself to Will's level to do that. We can be better than that. You are better than that."

Spencer shook his head. "So what? we're supposed to make Will a good guy to him? That he had to go away to do a job and what? is too busy to call Henry? That's not right-"

"None of it is right, but making Henry hate Will isn't right either, Spence. Will was a good guy. He was. and He was great with Henry and we should let Henry know Will loves him and just can't be here for him right now. Maybe once things settle and Will gets better, he'll realize that he needs to be a part of Henry's life."

"He doesn't just get to walk away and come back when he's ready. It's not right."

"He's not his biological father, Spence."

"It doesn't matter!"

"It does. It does to him."

Spencer clenched his jaw and shook his head again. JJ sighed and took a step closer to him.

"I know your dad left you and you're angry. You deserve to be angry. You were 10 years old and you needed your dad and he wasn't there. He left you with your sick mom when you weren't old enoughto handle that. But Henry is two and he can get passed this and we can help him. If we can help him cope and deal with this where he doesn't hurt so much, like you, then shouldn't we?"

Spencer stared at her, his features softening. "I guess."

"I know it's hard. I hate him too, Spencer. Believe me. I've called him and chewed him out over it, but... we can't do anything about Will. All we can do is be the best parents to him we can and that doesn't involve swearing."

Spencer blushed a little. "I'm sorry."

She touched his cheek. "I know. You're a great father, Spence. You just want the best for him. and I love you for that."

Spencer nodded. "I'm going to go talk to Henry."

She smiled and nodded. "I'll start dinner."

He nodded before making his way to the boy's room.

JJ watched before turning back to the kitchen. She paused, looking at the pictures Henry and Spencer were drawing. Henry's was a bunch of scribbles and circles. It was beautiful to her. Her eyes moved to Spencer's. It said about it "Henry's family." Henry had obviously told him what to draw. She smiled as she looked over Spencer's drawing of her. He had also drawn himself and Henry and some of the gang. She sighed when she saw the brown curly haired figure - Ryan. She was going to have to get used to that. Would "Ms. Ryan" be "Aunt Ryan" soon? or "Mama", "Mommy Ryan"? She shook her head before making her way into the kitchen.


	26. Chapter 26

JJ stirred her coffee as she watched as Reid and Morgan talked in the bullpen. Spencer had needed to drop something off for the day before going to his own job. Watching him interact with Morgan, JJ had to admit that she missed seeing him and hearing his explanations on the case. Though, if she was being honest, it was making it easier for her to move on. Sure, they spent a lot of time together, still, the hours away were good for her. And she knew Henry was safe when she went on cases, a definite plus.

"You love him."

She jumped to see Deacon, looking in her cup with disgust. "How do you drink that stuff?" He muttered before going through the cupboard to get a tea bag and a mug.

"Same way you drink your tea. Slowly."

Deacon grinned over his shoulder, before putting the mug into the microwave. He turned, watching her watch Spencer.

"He is cute, I will admit that, but still... I don't see what you see in him."

JJ raised an eyebrow, looking back at him. "Are you gay, Deacon?"

"Oh god no." He thought about it. "Well maybe a little. I do fancy women though, don't get me wrong."

JJ just stared at him before laughing. she shook her head and turned back to the pair in front of him.

"You have to spend sometime with him to understand. At first, he's...strange and awkward and too smart that it feels like you can't be around him for long periods. Then, he grows on you and that smile gets to you and the fact he knows basically everything becomes endearing."

"And the fact he's not too bad to look helps."

"You should have seen him when his hair was long. He... God, I just wanted to tangle my fingers in it and-"

Deacon cleared his throat as he pulled the cup of tea from the microwave. "As a man trying whose trying to date you, I don't think I want to know what naughty things you want to do to the enemy."

JJ blushed. "What?"

Deacon sipped his drink before looking at her before turning back to watch Spencer and Morgan. "Oh, after you're ready, of course. Seeing how we're in here, staring at your ex, I assume (and I assume correctly) that you're still way too enamored. He should wear more purple, it looks good."

JJ stared at the man who was acting like they were talking about the weather. Deacon looked back at her before raising his glass to her.

"Cheers." He said with a wink before making his way out to the boys.

JJ watched as the man walked, casually, up to Reid and Morgan. She grinned, amused, as the man reached out and touched Reid's purple scarf and how Spencer stepped back. Morgan looked between the two confused before Spencer made his exit. He spotted her and she waved, causing him to make his way to her.

"Hey." She said, sipping her coffee.

"Hey. Is Deacon..." He paused, thinking about it. " nevermind. How was Henry this morning?"

"He told Lily all about how you swore. He's still talking about it - and the fact that he is two, that says a lot."

"He's still mad?"

"He's not mad at you, Spencer. He's just...shocked, I think. I am too, you know? I know you and Will have never really liked each other, but you've never really said anything bad about him."

"I punched him in the face, JJ."

She inhaled her coffee, coughing immediately. Spencer's eyes widened before patting her back, trying to clear the coffee from her lungs.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." She coughed. "You busted his lip."

"And hurt my hand."

JJ shook her head. "and took Henry from me."

"Will was drinking and-"

"I don't blame you for taking him, Spence. You needed to. Will and I needed to figure things out and well, we did, didn't we?"

Spencer nodded. "I...I should get going."

JJ sighed before hugging him. "I'm sorry that I put you in that position, Spencer. That I didn't tell you that he was drinking. I should have told you. I shouldn't have put Henry in that place."

He nodded and JJ rolled her eyes, typical Spencer.

He saw the movement and bit his lip. "I mean, uh... It wasn't your fault. You just wanted your relationship to work. It was just as much my fault as it was yours. Not that...Not that it was your fault."

JJ raised an eyebrow at his attempt. "Ryan?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Go to work. Lily's bringing Henry in for lunch, so be here around noon. We'll go to the taco place, alright?"

Spencer nodded and kissed her cheek. "See you then."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"And then, Daddy say He IS and he said a reallly bad word."

Spencer sighed as he saw Henry talking to Garcia. Garcia looked amused.

"A really bad word huh? What did it start with?"

"Penelope are you trying to get my son to swear?"

"No!"

"No, Daddy. She just asked what it started with. And I know! Just it makes an Ahhhh sound. A!"

Garcia looked up at Spencer with a grin. "Ahhhh sound."

Spencer flushed. "Temporary lack of control. People make mistakes."

"Like H-I-T-T-I-N-G the man in question?"

"He deserved it." Spencer muttered.

"Who deserved what, Daddy?"

Garcia ruffled the little boy's hair. "The bad guys deserve it."

"Ohh yeah! Mommy went to go get another bad guy, Daddy. She and Uncle Derek and Hotch!"

"Hotch?"

"Yeah! Hotch! That's what Aunt Penny call him. Aunt Penny say that we get Chinese and eat with her. Can we, Daddy?"

Spencer looked at the two. "Sounds good to me."

"Cool!"

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Ms. Ryan make me chocolate waffles and we brush our teeth. We play games and she love me a lot. I love her too, Aunt Penny. Daddy love her too 'cause she's really nice and really pretty. You think she pretty, huh, Aunt Penny?"

"She's beautiful. Right, Spencer?"

Spencer swallowed before noding. "Breath-taking."

"Daddy love her a lot. I think Daddy love her like he love Mommy."

"Oh yeah?" Garcia said, swiveling to look at him.

Henry nodded. "Yeah and ms. Ryan say she never ever leave - I think she and Daddy get married one day."

Spencer looked up from his noodles. Garcia smiled at him before looking at Henry.

"And is that okay? If Daddy marry someone other than Mommy?"

Henry made a familiar face - The Reid Thinking Face, Garcia called it. He nodded, slowly.

"Mommy and Daddy be together forever 'cause they have me. If Daddy and Ms. Ryan be together forever too, that okay. Daddy loves me the most though, I know."

Spencer smiled, setting down the Chinese and grabbed Henry out of the chair next to Garcia.

"You are so smart, buddy. You are right. I will always love you the most."

Garcia turned to look at the two boys and awed. "You two are so cute! Hold still, let me take a picture."

Henry grinned largely. "Cheese!"

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"He said that?" Ryan said, resting against the headboard.

"He did."

"God, I love that little boy."

"He loves you too."

"He's going to be such a good brother."

Spencer smiled. "Yeah. I think so. We should tell him once you're out of the first trimester. I mean... if you don't mind."

"I don't. I want to tell him too. I want his advice."

"His advice?"

"Yeah, he's little. He knows what little ones like."

Spencer chuckled a little.

"Okay, don't laugh at me, but..." She paused. "I started looking at nusery stuff today."

Spencer closed his book. "Yeah?"

" I think...that I have no idea. It's all jungle themes and things and they just...none of them seem like...us."

"Us?"

"Like us! You know. She's going to be smart, we know that. She's yours and you're a genius. Even if she's normal, she's going to be smart. If we do something inaccurate, she'll know by the time she's two, if she's like Henry. And then she'll think we're stupid and we can't have that."

Spencer chuckled a little. "So what do you suggest?"

"For you to use that big brain for something that's very, very important."

"Ryan, I don't think she'll care. Henry wanted one thing and then it changed. As long as it's colorful and comfortable-"

"Spence. Come on. It's got to be cute and it's got to be accurate because you were born with genius. That's your fault, so you got to do something about it."

"Okay, okay. I'll... look into a few things."

"Pink things. I want it to be pink."

"Pink things." Spencer repeated. "Like pigs?"

"Pigs? No! Cute, Pink, Smart Things. That's not that hard is it? You can do it. But I got to go - another call from Grey."

"You have a case."

"I have a case. Love you. Call me when you wake up."

"I'll have some cute pink smart things for you then."

"I love you, Dr. Incredible."

The call ended before he could say anything.


	27. Chapter 27

Ryan jumped, feeling a hand on her back. She had fallen asleep. It was almost 6 am and they had yet to sleep, the case was moving fast and the killer didn't seem to need the same energy boost that a 2 month pregnant woman needed.

Grey looked at her, concerned. "Ryan, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yea. I'm fine. I wasn't sleeping when you called us in and we've just been working for hours."

He nodded. "Everyone's exhausted, I know."

"I'll be fine."

"Do you want a cup of coffee?"

She made a face. She desperately did, but she knew Spencer and she had agreed they wouldn't. She shook her head, sadly. As soon as this baby was out, she could have all the coffee she wanted.

"I'm fine."

Grey sat next to her and smiled. "You know, Kaleigh thinks you're pregnant."

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Maybe she's just hinting to you that she wants another one."

"Maybe." Grey nodded before sipping his coffee. "Just...take care of yourself okay?"

Ryan looked at him, curiously. "Just...hypothetically, if I was...pregnant... what would I do at work?"

Grey stood up, watching her. "Well, I guess, you'd stay in the departments until you couldn't go out in the field. Hypothetically."

Ryan nodded, running her fingers over the papers in front of her. "Oh."

"Maybe... you should stay in the department anyways. Until...you feel better."

Ryan nodded. "Spencer's been teaching me geological profiling, so I could do that."

Grey nodded. "That sounds like a great plan."

Ryan sipped her water. "It does."

Grey smiled, touching her shoulder. "Congratulations."

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Hi Ms. Ryan!"

Ryan smiled, sleepily, as Henry's voice rang loud in her ears.

"Hey baby boy, how are you?"

"I eating Chinese food with Aunt Penny and Daddy, what are you doing?"

"I'm in San Franscico, trying to catch a bad guy."

"Are you going to get him, Ms. Ryan?"

"We sure are, buddy. How's your daddy doing?"

"He's good. He's eating noddles. Aunt Penny is working. She types so fast, Ms. Ryan!"

"I know. So does Mr. Jason."

"Yeah! Mr. Jason type even faster than Aunt Penny."

"No one types faster than the Goddess!" Ryan smiled as she heard Garcia's voice.

"Mr. Jason does!"

"Henry, let me talk to your daddy." Ryan said as Garcia and Henry argued. A few moments later, she heard Spencer.

"Hey Ryan."

She smiled as she tried to get more comfortable on the couch. They were taking nap breaks. She was supposed to be sleeping.

"What is it, Morgan calls you again? Pretty kid? Beautiful Boy?"

"Pretty Boy."

She grinned, closing her eyes. "Pretty Boy. It fits you. You're very pretty."

"Have you slept?"

"No. I'm napping right now."

"Then nap. I will talk to you later. You need all the sleep you can get, Ryan."

"I know, I know. I wanted to talk to you though."

He didn't say anything, but his breathing was enough to lull her close to sleep.

"It's Thursday, in 8 days, you'll be here and we'll spend the whole weekend together. Just sleep right now and get through this case and be safe. Just be safe."

"Grey's letting me stay in the departments until i 'feel better'."

"That's good."

"Yeah." Ryan said, softly.

"I love you, Ryan."

"Mmh." She said, smiling, as sleep overtook her. "'Too."

"Good night." Spencer said and smiled before closing the phone. Garcia smiled at him and Spencer flushed a little.

"They've been working until like 3 this morning. She's tired."

"I bet. Your voice changes when you talk to her. It's cute."

Henry looked between the two. He rolled her eyes. "Told you Daddy loves her."

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer twirled his pen as he sat in his office. He looked around. He was in Jason's office. His old office when he was in this position after Boston. He wondered what Gideon would think of him now. Two kids, one with JJ - the woman he had set him up with years ago. He smiled, remembering the date. He had never told anyone about what happened, whether it went good or bad. Now, he wished he would have. Maybe it could have changed things. Maybe JJ and he could have dated, became a real couple, been something more. Did he want that? Was there something like fate that had brought him to this place? To Ryan and the baby? He leaned back in the chair. He didn't believe in any of that. Life was filled of choices; free will was all there was. JJ had made her choice. He had made his choices. Ryan had chose him. And yet, they had been careful but were still having a baby. The precentages were in their favor and yet there they were. They were having a baby. His second child. Dylan Alexandria or Dylan Joseph. Spencer bit on the top of his pen. He didn't really know what he thought about it; there was so much going on. He was excited about it, that was for sure. This was going to be his little girl. He was still nervous though. He wondered how his relationship would change with Ryan with a new baby, living together, and everything. Their relationship was still new. They barely knew anything about each other. Their time together was short, he couldn't get on her nerves with his rambling or his facts. He looked at his phone before the letter in front of him. He could voice his concerns to his mother, but even if she would respond, her advice would be something about him being perfect. He didn't want that. He wanted the truth. He grabbed his phone and dialed JJ.

"Hey Spence, we just got sent out for lunch, what's up?"

"Am I annoying?"

There was a pause before she laughed. "What?"

"Do.. You're probably the person whose been around me the most, so you would know best, right? Am I annoying after long periods of time? Do you get sick of me?"

"What's this about, Spencer?"

"Please, JJ."

She sighed before he heard Morgan and Deacon in the background. He sighed.

"I'm not going to be mad, I just want to know."

"You can be, when you focus on something and don't get the point to let it go, but most of the time, the things you say are interesting and the look in your eyes, the smile - makes up for it. You're adorable, Spencer. You remind me of a little kid when you're on your rants - so excited to share. It makes it impossible to be annoyed with you. Plus, it means you're passionate about that stuff and passion is a good thing. You can be passionate about that, you can be passionate about the person you love - and that is a very, very good thing. Very not annoying. When in doubt..." She sighed. "When in doubt, just focus on her, okay? She matters more than chemistry or math or anything."

Spencer chewed on his pen lid as he listened. "Thanks, JJ."

"You shouldn't change who you are for her, though, Spencer. There are people who love you for exactly who you are."

"I just want to be better." Spencer said. "She deserves better."

JJ inhaled sharply. "Spencer I... I have to go. We'll... I'll just talk to you later, okay?"

"JJ, wa-"

He looked at his phone and sighed. She had hung up.

Criminal Minds || What Happens

JJ inhaled sharply. "Spencer I...I have to go. We'll... I'll just talk to you later, okay?"

She heard him start to say something, but closed the phone. She tried to keep her breathing steady and her eyes dry, but it was hard. She tried to not let his words get to her. She didn't even know why they had stung so deeply. He wanted to be better for her.

"Hey, bird, you okay?"

She nodded, keeping her back to Deacon and Morgan. Deacon reached out and touched her shoulder and she tensed immediately.

"Don't seem okay, sweetheart."

She turned and glared. "I am not your sweetheart, Presley. You aren't one of us. You might be good, but you're just a temp. If you think you're going to charm your way into this family it's not going to happen. And if you think you're going to charm your way into my pants, you sure as hell got it coming."

She pushed past him to the rest room.

"Damn." She heard Morgan say.

She closed the door behind her and sighed. She couldn't do this. She moved to the sink and turned on the water. So what? He wanted to be better for Ryan. That was good. That was a good thing. He was trusting someone else. That was good. Then why did it hurt so much? Why did she feel so...betrayed. The relationship had stung, yes. The news of a baby - that had nearly killed her. And now this? This was the start of something that would never go away. This was him wanting to a better person for her, with her. This was the start of him not just being the father of Ryan's baby, but something way more. Was this how Spencer felt when Will had mentioned the fact he had proposed? Even though, she had said no - the seed had been planted. The seed his little statement had planted in her. She ran the water over her face before rubbing her eyes. She was moving on. She had made that choice before this. She was already trying to do so, so why did this even matter? It didn't. Right. It didn't. She took in a deep breath before looking in the mirror. She fixed her make up before stepping out of the bathroom to see Morgan and Deacon sitting, waiting. Deacon stood before pausing, looking unsure of what he should do.

JJ stood straighter and walked up to the two men. "Think you could give us a minute, Morgan?"

Morgan looked around the empty sub shop. "Not until I get my sandwhich."

JJ rolled her eyes and grabbed Deacon's wrist, pulling him outside.

He leaned against the wall, looking at her. "Something wrong with you and baby boy?"

"No. I just wanted to apologize to you. You're...not just a temp."

"Oh I know that. Tell me what's really bothering ya."

JJ looked at the man, who seemed genuine, and sighed. "It's really nothing. I overreacted. Thank you though."

"Mate's a fool to let you go, JJ. Shouldn't get upset about him anyways. The pretty ones are usually the stupidest."

She laughed. "You do know that he's a certified genius with an IQ of 187, right?"

Deacon rolled his eyes. "So?"


	28. Chapter 28

Henry pushed against his dad's arm as he tried to get comfortable. Garcia had texted him about a couple hours ago that the team was back on the jet. He stretched out and reached for his phone, seeing if he had any new messages - He didn't. He frowned, wondering if JJ was okay. She hadn't spoken to him since she had hung up with him. She called, asked for Henry, and hung up before he could speak to her. He frowned, wondering if he should text her. Henry stretched largely, before turning and snuggling into his chest, still fast asleep. As soon as JJ got off the plane, she was here to her little boy. Something had to be wrong. He dialed her number, waiting. Two rings, she answered.

"Hey."

"Where are you?" He asked, trying not to sound nervous.

"We landed about 10 minutes ago. We're going to get drinks. Henry's already asleep right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"But I'll be there in like an hour. I won't be long. It was a difficult case. Hotch is even coming."

"Oh...alright. You still have my key?" It was a stupid question, but he had missed talking to her.

"Yeah, Spence. I wouldn't lose your key."

"Yeah... I know. I was just...making sure."

"Okay, well...we're heading to Andy's."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye, Spence."

He sighed as he hung up. It was strange to not be invited. He wasn't part of the team though anymore. He wasn't part of any team. Did that bother him? He was happy doing what he was doing, wasn't he? It meant he got to be here with his son. He spent more time with the little boy now than anyone. He got to teach him about things and play with him when JJ was gone. He was glad that he was here, that he got all this time with his team. He didn't need to be invited to drinks or anything. But still, there was a twinge of jealously that he couldn't place why.

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

JJ sipped her beer and laughed as Deacon tried to explain while "the american rubbish you call football" compared nothing to real football to Morgan. The two would never agree, but Deacon's expressions and the way he spoke to Derek was amusing. The two were getting quite drunk as well, Morgan trying to outdrink the Brit. Deacon rolled his eyes and sat down next to the blonde.

"He's a bloody idiot if he thinks that rubbish is as good as our football. Never seen a game, I bet."

"He's more of a hockey and football-" She giggled at his glare- "American football fan." She corrected.

"Hockey, that explains it." He looked at her, before sipping his drink. "You seem happier now that we're home."

"I told you, I just let things get to me that afternoon. I was better an hour later."

"Bullocks. You brooded the whole case. Fake smile and all on the telly."

"Do you have to act so british? What is bullocks?"

"Oh fine then. It's still bullshit. He's moving on and you're upset. You have a right to be. You love him."

"I have no right to be upset. I pushed him away. You're cute, but you don't know the whole story." She ruffled his hair, leaning into him. She leaned in further, smelling his cologne. It was the same as Spencer's. She raised her eyes to him, who was looking at her curiously.

"You okay?"

She pulled back and nodded. "Sure. Yeah. Sorry."

"So tell me the whole story." He said, pulling her drink away. She'd already had two and didn't need the other. She gave him an annoyed look and pulled back her drink. She took a big drink, just to spite him.

"I can handle my liquor, Mr. Presley."

"I don't doubt you can, Ms. Jareau. I just don't want you to do anything you might regret."

She smirked at that, leaning to rest her elbows on the table, moving close to him again. "Hotch and Derek are still here. Plus Garcia. You really think they'd let me leave with you?"

Deacon smirked right back. "Who said anything about leaving with me? I was just talking about the fact you might say something you don't mean."

"Mmmhmm."

"Unless you'd like to leave with me. We can totally arrange that."

She laughed and sipped her drink. "I thought you weren't going to make a move until I was ready."

He leaned back in his seat, sipping his drink. "I said I wouldn't make a move, not that I wouldn't respond to a move already made."

She raised an eyebrow. "Have I made a move on you, Deacon?"

"Not yet." He said, slyly and she laughed.

"Not ever." JJ said, taking another sip on her drink.

"So this Reid character... was he your first?"

JJ laughed outright. "No, but I was his. And he was pretty good for never having a clue. I suspect he had studied the act. Maybe watched-"

Deacon looked at his confused. "Your first big love, JJ."

She laughed. "Oh. uh..." She raised her eyes to the ceiling, thinking about it. "No...but he was...the first unconditional love. Where i felt I needed to be selfless. That's why I pushed him away. The job...This job is way too hard to date someone on the team...to watch them go into danger, I didn't want him to have to deal with that. I didn't want him to have worry every case. I-"

"Wouldn't you worry more about him than he you though? You usually stay in the departments."

"Because when they left me out, I get hurt." She joked. "Shovel to the head, dogs..." She shook her head and took a large gulp of her drink. "Damn dogs."

Deacon looked at her, confused again, before she raised her eyes back to him. "I always worry about Spencer. I always have. He...You don't know him like I know him. No one does. Not this stupid Ryan chick who thinks she can change him just because she's having his child. I had his child first, you know? I...I had his child and I knew that it would be too much for him. That he'd...freak out and...so...Okay, that's a lie. I hid it because I didn't want to lose the stability, but...is that such a bad thing? I just wanted to feel safe and...Will was good at that. Will was great at being there." She sighed and went to sip her drink again and frowned when she saw it was empty.

Deacon stared at her as she looked at his drink, before pulling it closer to him. "How about I take you home, JJ? You...you shouldn't drink anymore."

She smirked. "You want to take me home, Deacon?"

He didn't smile. "I'm not going to take advantage of you, Jennifer. I'm English, remember? Proper and all that."

She smirked as she stood up with him. She leaned against him, feeling a little dizzy.

"I drank too much and you smell really good." She laid her head on his chest, breathing him in.

Deacon looked to Morgan who was busy with some girl. Hotch was missing, probably have slipped out and Garcia... Deacon looked around for the bubbly woman and didn't see her anywhere. He slowly wrapped his arms around the woman. "Let me take you home, Jennifer."

She nodded into her chest, not backing away. She raised her face to his, her chin right above his heart. "Will you stay with me?" She muttered, softly. "I... I don't want to be alone."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Spencer looked at the clock - 3:23 am - before looking at the sleeping boy who laid next to him. He hadn't put him to bed, seeing how JJ was supposed to be there hours ago. Now, he just couldn't move. Where was she? He sighed, moving his arm out from under the little boy before sitting up. Should he call her again? See where she was? Maybe Morgan had gotten drunk and she was watching over him. The man had the tendency to overdo it sometimes. He bit his lip. Maybe she and Penelope had decided to spend some time together. She would have called though. Something had to be wrong. He dialed the number and waited. two, three, four rings before voicemail. Getting JJ's voicemail usually wasn't a big deal; she got a lot of calls and had to prioritize. But this.. it was 3 am! There was no one else calling here, plus he had their son. Something could be wrong with Henry and she was letting it go to voicemail. He called again.

This time, an answer. A male's grunt, a hello. He hung up, immediately. Emphasis on the O, rather than the E of the word meant it wasn't an American. Deacon. Deacon was answering JJ's phone with a grunt. He was sleeping when he had answered. Sleeping in JJ's bed. Sleeping with JJ? Spencer's jaw clenched. She hadn't come to take her son home, to put him in his bed, because she had someone in hers? He wanted to be angry. He wanted to be furious, but his own mind reminded him that he had not called Henry because he was with Ryan before. That he had done similar things. He couldn't be mad at her for things he had done as well, could he? He didn't have the whole story; he didn't know what exactly had happened. His mind went through all the possibilities before landing at what could be seen as the most common that a man would be in a woman's bed - They had had sex.

And if that was true, if that is what had happened, did that bother him? More than the fact that she had said she would be there to pick up Henry and not been? Yes but was that because he just didn't like Deacon? Could be, but he doubted it. She sighed and called the next number. It rang a few times before an answer.

"Spencer, This better be important or next time I see you, I'm going to make sure you never have any more children again."

He ignored the threat and sighed. "I can tell you anything right, Ryan?"

There was shuffling before he heard a click - a light being turned on, maybe? - and her breathe in. "What happened, Spence?"

"I want to be completely honest with you. I feel like..we deserve that. That we need that to work out, because of the distance and-"

"What happened, Spencer?"

"Is it... I..."

"Spencer Reid, I have spent the last days, working, with barely any sleep. I am home, in my comfortable bed and if you don't start talking right now, I am most likely to start being mean to you. And I know, that you called this late, it must be important, so I'm trying to be nice - but I'm 2 months pregnant and i can't always control being nice."

"At this stage of your pregnancy, it's common for women to get upset very-"

"Spencer!"

"Right." He bit his lip. "I'm still in love with her."

"I know that." She sighed. "That's why you called?"

"You know that?"

"Yes, Spence. I've accepted that you're always going to be in love with her. She's your first. You never completely let go of your first. But...you want to be with me, right?"

"Yes."

"and you love me?"

"More than anyone. Well, more than anyone, other than Henry. And Dylan...and... well, My mom is pretty close up there too, but-"

Ryan chuckled, sleepily., "I'm tied for third? God, I love you, Spencer. You're tied for one, by the way. Henry's a close second though, so you might need to be careful."

Spencer was silent for a few seconds. "...You really don't mind?"

She sighed. "You know I do. It's why I...have issues with JJ, but...I... You make me...you have the ability to make me feel like..." She breathed out. "You give me butterflies."

"What?"

She snorted. "How did I know you wouldn't know what I meant? You make me feel good and right now, it's worth the risks. Don't mess that up, okay? And we'll be fine. We'll be okay."

"I do love you, Ryan."

"I know, baby. I love you too. Now go to bed. I'm caling you when I wake up, so you got to get some sleep."

He smiled. "Henry's still here. He'll talk to you, while I sleep."

"Oh no. I'm telling him you have chocolate waffles."

"You wouldn't!"

"I would. Don't use your son as your snooze button. It's not cute."

He chuckled as he laid back down next to the little boy. "You say the most absurd things when you're tired."

"I do not."

"You do. It's...I love it."

"Oh yeah?"

He nodded. "Mmhmm."

"Well in that case, I love you like a fat kid loves cake and just got a third slice!"

**Author's Note : it was 3 am when I wrote this. If it's ridiculous when I reread it when I wake up, I'll take it down. But until then, enjoy.**


	29. Chapter 29

JJ snuggled into a man's bare chest, smelling Old Spice. She pulled away quickly to see Deacon. She didn't know if that was better or worse. She looked at herself; she was half dressed. She tried to remember what happened last night. She hadn't had that much to drink. She ust needed to think.

"We didn't shag." Deacon said, watching her.

"What?"

"We didn't have sex." He repeated himself, sitting up.

"What happened?" She asked, pulling the blankets around her as he stood up, in blue boxer briefs. She watched as he stretched. He probably didn't weigh much more than Spencer and was about an inch or two shorter. Was she only attracted to him because the slight similiarity? She ran her eyes up to his face. His normally unruly dark hair was well, unruly. He scratched his face, he hadn't shaved in days. She remembered how when Morgan had been in the hospital, Spencer hadn't shaved or showered. He had stunk, but JJ remembered how she just wanted to take him home and ravage him. He had looked different, but it wasn't a bad different and her fantasies with him had ran wild. She shook her head, trying to concentrate on the man in front of her.

"You were drunk. We came here. You kissed me...I kissed back, obviously. You started to undress and I stopped you."

"You_ are _a gentleman." She teased.

"I don't take advantage of drunk emotional woman, even if they say they want it. I laid with you until you fell asleep before getting you into something you could sleep in and then fell asleep. I tried to go sleep on the couch, but you...kind of attached yourself to me, so..."

She nodded. "I'm wearing your shirt."

"You took yours off and I didn't want to go through your drawers...so..."

She smiled at him, watching him pull back on his pants. She moved to the edge of the bed and moved to her knees, to look him in the eyes. "Thank you, Deacon."

He shrugged it off. "Just doing my job as a member of the team."

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Was it a good kiss?"

He smirked, feeling her chest press up against his. "I'd say so."

"It's a shame I don't remember it."

Deacon looked at her. "Are you still drunk?"

She rolled her eyes. "Deacon, just kiss me."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Daddy? We have cereal?"

Spencer tore his eyes from the clock. "Yeah. sure, buddy."

Henry looked at his dad, tilting his head. "You okay, Daddy?"

Spencer nodded, picking up the boy. "I'm just fine. Apple Jacks or Cheerios?"

"Apple Jacks! They green daddy, I like green."

"Oh yeah? Daddy likes purple."

Henry made a face. "Purple a girl color Daddy. That's Ms. Emmy's favorite color."

"It's not a girl color. There are no girl or boy colors. You can like whatever color you like, Henry."

"Even pink?"

Spencer looked at him, amused. "Even pink."

"Okay, but I like Green, Daddy. Green and... Brown! like Snug."

Spence nodded, putting the bowl in front of him before sitting down with him. Henry started to eat, before looking at him again.

"Daddy, is Mommy still fighting bad guys?"

"She..." There was a knock. "That's her now. Eat your breakfast."

He stood up and made his way to the door, opening it to see JJ with sunglasses.

"Get drunk last night?" He asked, closing the door behind him, so that they were in the hallway.

"Spencer, not now."

"You said an hour and then I called and Deacon answered. I thought he was 'just a member of the team' but then again, I was just a member of the team too."

JJ took off her sunglasses to glare at him. "What are you saying, Spencer?"

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Is that any of your buisness?"

"It is when you tell me you're going to be here in an hour and don't show up for 10."

JJ and Spencer stared at each other before JJ breathed out through her nose. "No. I didn't sleep with him. And even if I had, I was drunk and he uses the same cologne as you." She pushed past him into the apartment.

Spencer turned to look at her, following her into the dining area.

"What does that mean?" He asked, watching her as she hugged her son. JJ was too busy, kissing the little boy, telling him how much she had missed him.

"JJ." Spencer said and JJ looked up, holding the little boy close to her side.

"You know what it means, Spencer. Use that big brain."

"Mommy, I got a big brain too!"

JJ looked at her son with a large grin. "You sure do, little man."

"So i figure it out."

"I bet you could, Hen. You might even be smarter than your dad."

"You would have thought of me?" Spencer asked. "During..."

JJ looked at him. "Isn't smell a power sense in memory?"

Henry looked between the two of them, watching his dad stare his mom down, silently. This is where his dad usually spoke a lot and fast. Now, he was saying nothing, the two just looking at each other.

"Mommy?" Henry said, softly, causing JJ to turn her eyes away from the man to the boy.

"Let's go home, okay, Henry."

"Daddy come too?"

Spencer ruffled his hair. "I got to get ready first, okay? and then I'll be over later."

"Promise?"

Spencer nodded. "I swear."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan listened as Spencer ranted about JJ. It obvious he was jealous. She wondered if JJ had invited Deacon over just to prove to Spencer that he was still in love with her. It had worked, but JJ wasn't that...viscious was she? Ryan sighed as she continued to listen, talking about the woman. She was trying to be supportive and let him talk it out, but she was about to go insane. And if he called the woman "Jenn" again, she was going to scream.

"Spence."

He stopped talking - thank god. She took a deep breath.

"Spencer."

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I shouldn't be talking about this to you, but you're..."

"It's fine, but... can we just tone it down a little? I'm 8 weeks today."

"You are! You know, Dylan's the size of a Lima bean now?"

"Our dot's now a bean!" Ryan smiled and Spencer chuckled.

"Yeah. and she has elbows and-"

Ryan closed her eyes as he spoke about Dylan - a much better subject. His tone was different, he was now happy and excited. She could tell he was smiling and that was just better in general.

"Spence, I love you." She interrupted.

"I love you too."

"I love you so much, Spencer. Not just because of this baby. Even if we weren't pregnant, I... I just love you."

"I know."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Spence, I'm trying to have a moment."

"Sorry."

"Tell me what you feel?"

There was a long silence. "I'm not really good with feelings, Ryan."

"I know...just...try for me?"

Another long silence. "Garcia says that JJ is my soul mate."

Ryan wanted to interrupt, but he continued.

"And I don't really know if I believe that. First of all, because I don't know if I believe in such thing as a soul. My mother and father raised me with the bible. They wanted me to believe in such things, but I never believe in any of it. Evolution makes so much more sense to me. And evolution describes love as only an necessary thing to help create the bond between parent and child to help that child survive. Which makes sense. You want your offspring to survive, so your genes will be passed down - you have that bond -"

"Spence, you're getting off track."

"Right, right. I read this paper where it said that an where an intellect looks to world for answers, love gives them something that is unanswerable, yet more satisfying than knowing the complete truth - and that's what you are to me. I dont understand why I feel the way I feel for you and I can't describe it, but... it's here and it's...overwhelming and it's an answer to a question I never thought to ask. It's... it's like...I'm complete. You fill a part that JJ couldn't. That no one has before. You... complete me."

"Did you really just use the Jerry Maguire quote?" She tried to joke, even though, her emotions were storming her.

"Who's that?"

She sniffled. "No one, Spencer. No one. You complete me too."


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's Note:**

This Chapter involves some... mature topics. It's nothing sexual or anything, but might be difficult to read for some. I was going to push this back a couple more chapters, but...I think, it's time to do it with this one. I have written this chapter a lot of times. and seeing how we're 30 chapters into it now, we have to get to the turning point of the story.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer walked into the JJ's office with a grin on his face. Ryan would be here in just a few days. Henry was spending the night today, so that JJ could catch up on her paperwork. She had been called on a case Monday and had just got back this morning. Everyone else had gone home to nap, but JJ was sitting in her office. He knocked, poking his head in. They had made up over the JJ/Deacon fiasco as he called it. He had apologized for his attitude.

"You should get home, JJ. Get some sleep and come back."

She looked up. "I have a lot to do, Spence. I'm getting it all done today so this weekend, Henry and I can have fun. I'm taking him to the theme park."

Spencer smiled and sat down. "He'll love that."

"You and Ryan could come if you'd like. He'd enjoy seeing you two."

Spencer nodded. "We'll see. JJ, I wanted to apologize again for-"

JJ set down her pen. "Spence, It's fine. I said I was going to be there and I wasn't. I flipped out on you about missing a call, it was only right that you did the same."

"Still-"

"Still nothing," She touched his hand. "You were being a good dad and I-"

She smiled, pausing as his phone rang. Spencer looked at her, apologetically before pulling out the phone. He frowned at the ID: Greenaway. He looked at JJ before answered.

"Elle?"

There was no answer. "Elle?" He tried again.

"Spencer!"

He froze. Elle rarely called him Spencer and the tone of her voice was desperate, sad. Elle didn't ever sound desperate or sad.

"Is everything okay?"

Again, no answer.

"Elle?"

"Spencer, there's... shit, Reid... I'm...there's..."

"Did someone get hurt in Fredicksburg?"

"No. No. We're all... Ryan and I never made it on the plane."

"Why? Was she feeling sick again?" Spencer turned away from JJ. "She told me she's been getting bad stomach pains and-"

"Cramping, yeah. I know. She... well, you see... she...She was bleeding."

"Bleeding? Did she get cut?"

"No.. God, Reid. She's been spotting for the last few days, and cramping.. and today, she passed out."

"All that is sometimes... Pregnant women cramp and spot. Some pass out too, becuase of the changes-"

"I took her to the hospital, just to make sure she was okay."

"That's good, I mean, maybe a little unnecessary, but I'm sure Ryan was worried so..."

"They did an ultrasound to make sure the baby was okay and..."

Spencer clenched his jaw as the woman trailed off again.

"Just tell me what's going on with my daughter, Elle!"

There was a long pause. "They couldn't find a heart beat, Spencer."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

JJ watched as the man in front of her went completely rigid.

"Th-they...they what?"

His voice was different. He stuttered and his voice cracked. She watched as he listened before he starting shaking his head, his whole body seeming to tremble.

"But...They... they can.. they can do something, though? They can... They have to be able to do something right? They can bring it back. They can restart her heart or...or... They can do something, right?"

JJ felt her heart drop to her stomach. Ryan had miscarried or was miscarrying. She stood up, making her way over to him. She reached out to touch him, before pausing. What was she supposed to say? How did she make this better? She moved to her outreached hand to cover her mouth as she listened to the man in front of her break down.

"She...Elle, Please."

She felt the hot prick of tears come into her eyes as she listened to his voice crack again. She could hear the tears in his voice as he begged Elle to do something, but what could she do? What could anyone do? She reached out again, this time, touching his shoulder. He tensed immediately, turning to look at her. She pulled him into a big hug, unable to resist, seeing the look on his face. She felt his forehead move to her shoulder, his body collapsing into hers as he cried, his phone temporarily forgotten. She pulled it out of his hand, putting it to her ear.

"We'll be there as soon as we can, Elle. Tell Ryan-"

"She won't see him, JJ. She won't see anyone. She's blaming herself. They have to do a D&C and she..."

"We'll be there." She said, before hanging up the phone. She knew Spencer would go regardless of Ryan's wishes. It was his daughter. It was his child too and Ryan was in shock and hurting. JJ knew when she saw him, it'd be different. She knew that if she had gone through this, the only person JJ would want to see was the only other person who would understand - the father. She tossed the phone into the chair before runnign the hand over his back.

"Shh, shh. It's..." It wasn't going to be okay. "Just let it out, baby, just let it out."

He clung to her, his arms around her tight as his body shuddered with sobs. She continued to hold him, her own heart breaking at the sounds coming from him. She couldn't even imagine what he was feeling. She didn't know what she would have done had she lost her baby. From the moment, she had seen him on the ultrasound, Henry or her little baby bean she had called him then, she had loved him. She had known the risks, and she knew Spencer had, but she had never thought that it could really happen. You just didn't think about losing your baby. You didn't prepare for that and... now... here he was, living it. She pulled him closer.

"I'm so sorry, Spencer. I'm so sorry."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

JJ watched the man beside her after they boarded the plane. Garcia was watching Henry. JJ had told Hotch she and Spencer would need time off. The man beside her was just staring out the window, his eyes still red and puffy - but his face was blank. It reminded her of when he had been high, just staring out the jet window. He was empty. She reached out to touch his hand and he pulled away, curling into himself.

"Spence."

No response.

"Spencer, talk to me."

Still no response.

She sighed, rubbing her forehead. She kept his eyes on him, seeing him stare out straight ahead.

He didn't move or say anything until the flight was in the air and almost half way to Nevada.

"Flamingos." He spoke, softly.

"What?" JJ said, taking her eyes off the movie she hadn't been paying attention to at all.

"For the nusery. Flamingos. They're pink and it would have been unique and slightly educational. Ryan wanted..." He trailed off, shaking his head.

JJ reached out to touch his hand again and this time, he didn't pull back. He turned his head away from the window, to look at her. He looked so young, so broken. JJ squeezed his hand.

"She's gone, JJ. She's...How do I get through this?"

Her eyes burned again. "I don't know, Spencer. I don't know."

"Neither do I." He said softly, before turning back to the window, remaining in his thoughts for the rest of the trip.

****

Author's Note:

Okay, so this is sudden. I know. That's kind of the point. It is sudden. It's sudden and it sucks and it hurts and... It sucks. I had this planned from the minute I ended Viva. Do you hate it? I do. I so almost cut it and let Ryan and Reid be happy and have their cute little baby. But this is the turning point of the story. This is where they either make it or they break it. This is where we find out if they meant what they said or if real life, real pain is just too much for R2.


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's Note:**

**This Chapter says a lot about God. These are not views, but because Ryan is religious, it was a necessary thing. Freedom of Religion and all that. rock on. **

Spencer stared as his hands as Dr. Lang spoke with him. There was no way to tell why the baby had aborted, but it wasn't rare. 15 percent of pregnancies result in miscarriages. It didn't help. The facts didn't help. She spoke about how normally, there wouldn't be a need to do a D&C, but because of the way Ryan's body was reacting, it was needed. Dr. Lang stared to describe the procedure and Spencer stood up, shaking his head. He didn't want to hear it. JJ smiled at her, apologetically.

"He's not handling this very well." She said, watching the man, walk away, his hands running through his hair to his face.

Dr. Lang smiled and nodded. "It's hard for everyone. You're the mother of his first child, I assume?"

JJ nodded. "They mentioned me?"

"Dr. Reid did, in regardless, about his medical history and everything. He worries about him. He's beautiful, by the way. He showed me a picture...or two."

She smiled. "He is. He looks more and more like his father everyday."

Dr. Lang smiled and touched her knee. "It's very sweet of you to be here for him. I can't say that I could do the same for my ex-husband."

JJ smiled, watching the woman walk away only to replaced by Elle moments later. The brunette flopped into the chair, resting her head in her hands.

"Oh my god, Jayje. I don't think I can do this. I was in there when the doctor explained the procedure to Ryan. I... She looks..."

"Empty?"

Elle nodded. "They aren't going to get through this are they?"

"Together or in general?" JJ asked, looking at her.

"In general. Ryan's already lost so many people. This... this sucks."

JJ nodded.

"What did she do to deserve this?"

JJ looked at her hands. JJ had wanted this baby to go away. She didn't want Ryan to be pregnant and now that she wasn't, now the baby was...gone, she didn't know what to think. Was this her fault? She looked up at the ceiling, was there someone listening to her thoughts. That was ridiculous. She looked back at Spencer, who was sitting alone, same blank expression. She'd do anything to have that baby back; to have him smiling and telling her stupid baby facts again. Yesterday they had been talking about elbows and eyelids and now... there was nothing. He wasn't saying anything.

"He hasn't tried to see her." Elle observed. "You think he knows that she doesn't want to see him? You didn't tell him, right?"

"I didn't tell him." JJ said, softly. "I think he's preparing. He's trying to...be strong for her."

Elle turned to look at him and shook her head. "How's he doing, Jayje?"

JJ watched him as he rubbed his hands together, keeping his eyes on the floor.

"I don't know. I've seen him at his worse, Elle...and...I... I don't know."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer stood up. He couldn't stay in here anymore, not with their eyes on him, every move he made. He knew they were worried. They shouldn't. They should be worried about Ryan. Ryan who was... He looked to her room. He couldn't go see her. Not yet. He had to be strong for her. He had to be able to walk in there and not break down. He needed to walk in there, wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. He had to find the right answers to this horrible, horrible question. To find the right thing to do. He turned and walked out of the room, just walking. Walking until he figured something out. He walked hallways, taking random turns before stopping. He stared at the cross in front of him, thinking about Dylan. She was going to be a Christian. Ryan and her were going to go to church. His eyes burned as he stared at the cross. Ryan was a Christian, she believed in Heaven and Hell. Was their little girl in Heaven? He took a step towards the door before pausing. What was he going to do? Walk in there and pray? He didn't believe in God. He sure didn't believe in a God that would take his daughter before she even got a chance, before she had even made a choice to be good or bad. Why would he take an innocent child when there was so many bad people in this world? He knew; he had tracked them down, captured them, and asked them why they did it to recieve an answer like "I had nothing better to do" or even, because God had told them. He turned on his heel. He definitely was not going to pray to a God like that.

"Reid!" He heard Elle and turned.

"Are you following me?"

"No...yes." She looked back at the church. "Would you like to..?"

He followed her eyes. "Youre a Christian?"

"Daddy was Cuban. I know my bible." Elle nodded. "Although, I haven't been to church since I was eight. Come on." She grabbed his hand and pulled him in the little church.

He sighed and sat down. "I don't believe in God, Elle."

She did the sign of the cross before sitting next to him. "And yet, you were going to let your little-" She paused, looking at her shoes. "God, Spencer, I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Do the rest of the team know?"

"They know Ryan's in the hospital. Grey's trying to get in contact with Krandall to get another team there so they can be here."

"That's not necessary."

"She should be surrounded by people who love her."

"She doesn't want anyone, Elle. She just lost another person she loved. The last thing she wants is people she cares about around her. She's ashamed and hurting and feeling guilty."

"How do you know that?"

Spencer looked at her. "I love her. I watch her. I see the looks and I notice the posture changes and when she tenses. She tells me her secrets. She's let me in. I know her."

Elle reached out and touched his knee. "It's okay, Spencer."

"It's so not, Elle."

Elle nodded. "It's not, is it? Pray with me. It helps."

Spencer shook his head. "I've read the Bible, Elle. I've read it. Look to Him for he is strength and will keep you strong in your deepest bouts of pain, right? If I believe in God, I have to believe that there is reason for this. That this is supposed to make me stronger? That is was God's will. God's will to take away Ryan and my daughter. Why would I want to believe in a God like that? Why would I pray to a God like that?"

Elle shook her head. "Because there is reason that-"

"There is no reason! There is NO reason why this should be happening! SHE doesn't deserve this, Elle! She didn't deserve this and Ryan... Why would God do this to her? Has he not tested her enough? Is taking her parents away, her only sibling not enough for him? How much more can he take from her? How much more does she have to give until it's enough. He tested her faith not once, not twice - but with every life he has taken from her - and yet she still believed. She still prayed. Prayed for this baby to be healthy, to come in this world and know HIS word, to believe in him - and yet he couldn't even give her that? She saves people, Elle. She saves lives and does his work and it's not enough for him to just give her this one damn thing? This one thing that she needed? I-" He couldn't continue, his emotions taking over.

Elle stared at him, breath stuck in her throat, as she watched Spencer as he cried angry tears.

"Please...Elle, tell me.. how I walk into that room and tell her it's okay. Tell me how I stand there in front of her and make this better. Please. Please just tell me what to do, because I can't. I can't walk in there, knowing that I called her everyday, telling her about the baby. Making her name her and give her meaning when there was a chance that it wasn't going to last. She was nervous. She was nervous about this, about getting close and I pushed her, Elle. I pushed her and now,... now she's lost another thing that she loved and It's my fault. It's my fault and..."

His voice cracked as he tried not to contain his emotions, but it was impossible to stop the tears.

"It's not your fault, Spencer. This isn't your fault. It isn't her fault. It's..."

Spencer rubbed his eyes, angrily before standing up. "I can't do this."

Elle watched as he almost literally ran from the room before wiping her own eyes, staring back at the cross.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer paused at her door, leaning his forehead against the wood. He took a deep breath before entering the room. Ryan lay in the bed, looking up at the tv.

"Hey." He said, softly, not expecting an answer. He sat across from her in the chair and twiddled his thumbs.

"It's snowing in DC." He said, making small talk, keeping his eyes on her face. He sighed. He couldn't do this.

"It's not your fault, you know?" He said,m his voice slightly wavering. "This wasn't because of anything you did. A baby usually self-ab-" He couldn't say it. "It usually happens when something's wrong so that she wouldn't have survived regardless had she come full term."

Nothing, still. He lowered his eyes to her stomach before slowly, reaching out to touch her stomach. He paused, wondering if he should, but he needed to. He needed to say goodbye. He rested his hand on her and she tensed immediately, her eyes falling from the screen to him in an instant, almost looking angry. He looked at her before his hand.

"Hey baby." He whispered, unable to speak at a normal voice, knowing it would crack and waiver. Ryan remained tense, clenched, as she watched him, still not saying a word.

"I... I just wanted to tell you that... this isn't your fault, either. You didn't do anything wrong. And that I'm sorry...I'm sorry that I never got to see you in person, but.. I'm going to keep your pictures with me, always, okay? And... I know that your Mommy has probably prayed and talked to God wihile you were in her tummy, so... well, If that really exists, then you're already in.. You're already in Heaven and I really hope you are. You deserve to be in the best place in the world-"

He raised his eyes to Ryan, hearing her sob. He has having trouble with his own emotions. He moved to sit on the bed, getting behind the woman, holding her against his chest as she lost it. Her whole body shook against him. Spencer held her as close as possible, resting his head on her shoulder. He remained silent, letting her break down.

"Th-They want to take her, Spencer. They want to take her away. I... I...She's..."

He wrapped his arms around her tighter. "They can't take her from you, Ryan. We'll always have her."

She turned, burying her face in his chest. "What did I do to deserve this, Spencer? What did I do?"

He moved his hand to her hair, running her fingers over it. "You didn't do anything wrong, beautiful. You didn't do anything wrong."


	32. Chapter 32

"Th-They want to take her, Spencer. They want to take her away. I... I...She's..."

She couldn't finish her sentence as she continued to sob.

He wrapped his arms around her tighter. "They can't take her from you, Ryan. We'll always have her."

She turned, burying her face in his chest, gripping on to his shirt. "What did I do to deserve this, Spencer? What did I do?"

He moved his hand to her hair, running her fingers over it. "You didn't do anything wrong, beautiful. You didn't do anything wrong."

She shook her head, roughly. "This is my fault. This is all my fault. I killed her, Spencer. I couldn't keep her safe and she's gone. She's gone. She's gone and it's my-"

"Shh,shh." He tried to stop her. "It's not your fault, Ryan."

"You should hate me, Spencer. You shouldn't be here. You should hate me. I couldn't keep her safe. I couldn't take care of her and she died. She died. I saw her. I saw her on the ultrasound and... and...she's gone, Spencer. She's gone."

"It's...You did everything right, Ryan. She... There was something wrong-"

"She was perfect, Spencer. It was... I did this. I did this. I couldn't watch Max and he died. I wasn't a good sister and he died. I wasn't a good daughter. I wasn't-It's my fault. It's all my fault."

"It's not your fault. No one has ever died because of you, Ryan. No one."

"God knows. He knows that I wouldn't have been a good mother and he took her. He took her because he knows I'm bad, Spencer. He knows it."

"You believe in God and you have admitted your sins, Ryan. God loves you and-"

"Then why is he doing this, Spencer? Why?"

Spencer swallowed difficultly, trying to keep his emotions in check at her heartbreaking cry.

"..I... I don't know, Ryan, I don't know."

"You know everything else, Spencer! You know all these things and yet, when you need to know something you dont?"

'"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.' Jeremiah 29 11 through 14, right?"

Ryan didn't say anything, just looking at him. Spencer ran his fingers over her forehead. "You believe he has a plan. That if you look, you will find your answers. He loves you - so much that he gave his son for you, for your sins - so you could be happy, to live eternally in heaven. You can't doubt that because of this. because of anything."

He didn't believe a word he said, Ryan could tell, but he was trying for her. She reached out and touched his face. She ran her fingers over his tear stained cheeks, remembering for the first time that he had lost her too.

"Spence-"

"shh." He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Just shh. Try to sleep, okay? Just try to sleep."

There was a knock and Dr. Lang entered. She smiled sadly a little, seeing the two together.

"I have...the medication needed to start the procedure. To dilate..."

Ryan didn't hear anymore, but swallowed the pills without a word. Seing the doctor made her feel angry. She wanted to blame her. Maybe she had done something. Spencer thanked the doctor, which seeemed ridiculous to her. How could he polite when that doctor was going to suck the baby out of her? She didn't say anything, but pulled back from him slightly. He noticed and pulled her back against him. Too tired to fight, Ryan laid there, listening to the doctor talk about how there could be some pain, but it was normal. Normal. Ryan nodded, curtly before the doctor let herself out, telling the two she'd be back to check Ryan's progress. Progress. Like it was a damn test.

"Try to sleep." Spencer mumbled as his fingers moved against her back.

"How can I sleep?" Ryan said, softly, every emotions seeming to float around in here. One minute she was so angry and the next, feeling numb.

"Just close your eyes."

"You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't see.."

"Of course I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Ryan placed her hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. The rhythimatic throb made her want to cry, knowing she'd never get to place her hand on Dylan's place as she slept and feel the same.

"I...I was just starting to really really want this, Spencer."

"I know."

"Is it my fault? Because I wasn't excited from the beginning. Do you think she knew?"

"I think she knows that you love her very much and she loves you too."

Ryan shook her head. "This is my fault, Spencer. This is my fault."

This time when she said it, it was cracked and filled with sobs and heartbreak. Her voice was soft, strong...shameful.

"It's not your fault."

"It is. I wasn't ready at first. I wasn't ready and God knew and he took her. But Spence, I.." She looked up at him, lost look. "I was ready now. I would have been completely ready when she got here. I was reading and I...we... I was looking at birthing classes this morning in DC. I even emailed JJ about it. I figured she knew."

She could feel his heart beating faster under her hand, see his eyes getting wet. She looked down and rested her head on his chest. "I was ready now."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens.

"Have you checked your email?"

JJ looked at Spencer like he had lost his mind. Ryan had just been taken to surgery and he was asking about her email? "What?"

"Have you checked your email today?"

"Not since around 8. Why?"

"Do it." Spencer said, looking up. Elle and JJ were both staring at him like he was crazy. "You have one from Ryan." he explained.

JJ looked at him, before opening up the email on her phone. She found the one he was talking about about, reading through it quickly, before looking up at him. "Oh Spence."

"Read it outloud?" He asked.

JJ looked at Elle, who was looking at them, curiously. JJ cleared her throat.

"Spence, no." She shook her head. "It's..."

"I know she asked you about the birthing classes."

"It's more than that, Spence."

"Just read it, please." This time he asked, more forcefully and JJ looked back at Elle, who shrugged. JJ sighed.

"JJ," She read, looking back at Spencer, who was looking at her, expectedly.

"I know that I am probably the last person you expected an email from, but after our last conversation, I thought maybe... I honestly don't know what I thought. As Spencer and I get closer to the second trimester of this pregnancy, I can't help but getting excited. This baby is going to be... perfect and it doesn't come from my side. Henry's just the same - not saying he's not any less perfect because of you. Maybe I'm just crazy in love. And you are the only person who knows what I'm going through. Because, come on, Spencer Reid is anything but normal. And maybe that's why we love him.

He still loves you, you know? He'll never not, but I'm starting to realize that that's just him. He's got the biggest heart, doesn't he? He falls and he never gets up and honestly, I can't be angry at him for that anymore. Because he's fallen for me and he has yet to let me down so I just... I hope that seeing how... I think that we should try to get along. If not for the kids, for him...for us? He's taught me things, he's made me feel things I haven't felt in almost a decade and for him, I want to be better - and that means getting over this thing I have for you.

And if Dylan is anything like Henry, I'm going to need your help. Because even though I have hated you, I have also respected you. Your son is amazing, JJ. He's incredible, he's behaved and he's social and everything that he should be, everything that Spencer wasn't able to be because of his own parents and that's because of you. And that strength, when it must be hard with his intelligence, and questioning of everything is amazing to me. I just know I'm going to need your help, because to be completely honest, Spencer can be overwhelming sometimes, and I can only imagine that Dylan will be just the same. And I know you can handle it and I'd... I'd really like to have that support."

JJ looked up to see Spencer staring off. His eyes focused. "Is that it?"

"Spence.."

His look said it all and JJ looked back at her phone.

"I have always been so angry with you, not giving him the opportunity to be with his son, to go through this with Henry. Now that I am going through it with him, and I see his excitement and his fears and everything, I am not angry with you, but sad. Sad that you never got to experience this with him. And maybe it's just the hormones, but I think that I might understand you better. As I get closer to holding this baby in my arms, all i want is for her to be safe and happy and healthy and to have everything in this world. You wanted the same for Henry. You were with Will (such a douche bag, by the way) and knew that telling Spencer would mess with the stability of your family - stability that Henry needed, so you put your feelings aside. Still, you took away Spencer's opportunity to be that for him and for that, I will always have some distaste for you, and yet... I am grateful, because it gave me the opportunity to find him, to have him, to be...complete again after so long.

I know that you don't like me, but I do know that if you love Spencer the way you say you do, than you want him to be happy. And JJ, believe me when I say, I want just the same. I love him more than anything in this world. He makes me feel things I didn't even know existed and I will do what it takes to make sure that he feels the same. I don't want to take him away from you or from Henry and I won't make him choose between us. No one could ever replace you and I know that now. You helped him become who he is just as much as his mother - so how can I hate you, you know? Maybe this baby is just making me grow up.

Shit, We have a case. Before I forget - the whole reason for this e-mail was to ask if you and Will did birthing/parenting classes? If so, where? Since we're doing the doctor appointments here, I figured we'd do the classes out there, so he doesn't have to fly out so much.

Thanks and Sorry for the emotional email so early in the morning.

Ryan."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

**Authors Note:**

Getting into Ryan's head is a lot more difficult than I thought. I have been trying for days and have totally depressed myself, so instead of torturing myself any longer, I wrote this. The next chapter, after the procedure, oh bugger, it's going to be hard. I think Ryan's probably at the Anger/Bargaining stage of grief. and next is depression - fun. hah.

I really thought the letter was necessary too. I think that this Ryan/JJ feud will never end, but i think that the baby really could have helped it. They would have both been mothers of geniuses, (had Dylan been super intelligent), they would have had that bond that no one else around them understood. and maybe, they will still bond. Maybe Reid and Ryan will leave happily ever after with Aunt JJ. Hah. We'll see.


	33. Chapter 33

Elle was laughing and she couldn't stop.

Spencer and JJ looked at her, confused.

Elle continued to laugh before taking a deep breath, wiping her eyes.

"She said that? All that?"

She laughed some more, shaking her head.

"You... the things she's said about you...and then... that. That's my girl."

JJ looked at her, strangely, and Spencer smiled a little.

"what did she say to you?" He asked.

"About JJ? Oh god, I can't even repeat them. Let's just say, she's said a lot, a lot of Hail Mary's."

Elle wiped her eyes again, chuckling a little. "She's... she's got a mouth on her, that's all I'm saying."

JJ looked back at the e-mail. "Did she mean it?"

"She wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it. Not to you. She didn't care one bit about what you thought of her. The only reason she never said anything was because of Reid and she wouldn't go THAT far just for him. That was all her, because she wanted to."

JJ read through the e-mail again. "I wish I would have read it before all this."

"It wouldn't have changed anything." Spencer said, looking at her.

"Yeah, but..." She trailed off, looking at the phone, before sighing. Everything was different now. Everything was so completely different. She looked back at Spencer who was rubbing his hands together, his eyes on the clock.

"What do you think?"

His eyes lowered to his hands, clasping them together, twiddling his thumbs. He was anxious. He knew everything that could go wrong and JJ knew it was going through his head. She moved to sit next to him, covering his hands with her own.

"What are you thinking, Spence?"

Spencer opened his hands, taking hers inbetween his. "I..." He looked to Elle, who was watching them, before looking back at his hands. "I'm thinking that... every hospital has vials of Dialudid and-"

"Hey." JJ said taking her hand away from his to grab his chin. "Stop thinking like that right now. You can do this without shooting up."

Spencer lowered his eyes and JJ jerked his chin slightly, making him lock eyes with her again.

"Do you understand me? You are still a father."

She could feel his jaw clench, his eyes not falling this time. JJ stared at him.

"You're still Henry's father. You're still HER father. You're still Ryan's boyfriend and I swear to God if you hurt her like that, you add on another ounce of pain because you were too weak, we will have issues. You have to be strong right now. You got to be strong for her."

They stared at each other until JJ let go of him. He looked at Elle before standing up and walking away.

"Should we follow him?"

JJ took a deep breath, looking at the door he had just walked out of. "He wouldn't have said anything if he wanted to use."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer sat, looking at the cross. He took a deep breath, leaning forward.

"okay, God." He started, clasping his hands together. He felt stupid. He rested his head against his hands, anyways.

"I believe in evolution. I do, and I know that this world was created by energy, piece by piece, years and years in the making. I know... that the literature and the science disproves you, but... if i'm wrong. If it's all wrong and you're... if you're there. If you really exist, please... just let her be okay?"

He looked back at the cross. "She believes in you and she's been through so much. She's been through so much and I know that she's had moments where you have tested her faith and...I... I don't know why and I don't even want to think about why because it makes me angry, because I know... I see how she is. I see how amazing she is and how passionate she can be. I saw her work these horrible cases for the greater good, to bring hope. To bring the bad to justice because she believes in you. and...I... I don't know why you took away Dylan. or her parents. or her brother, but she still believes in you. And that's got to mean something right?"

He shook his head. "Just... Isiah 29.40, right? '

He gives power to the weak. He increases the strength of him who has no might.' You've taken so much from her. You've taken from me and... if you're real, is it not time to increase her strength? To give her power. To give her something. If you're really there, just... give...I... I'll do whatever you want, just give her a break, please? I don't know how much more she can take. Just...please? I've never asked for much, when I did believe in you. All I've ever asked you was for my dad to come back. and I don't know why you couldn't answer that, but it doesn't matter. Just... this one, this one you have to do, okay? This one matters. I could live without my father. I could live without him, but... I just need to know she's going to be okay. Just...give her the strength to get over this or just... give me the words to help. If you can't do it, then just...tell me how I do this. Tell me how I make this right. How do I be the strong one?"

He wiped his eyes, feeling ridiculous. He knew there was no God and yet, here he was pleading for strength? He shook his head, before running his fingers through his hair. He was so exhausted that he wasn't thinking right. He wasn't thinking at all. There was no God. There was no reason for this. It was just biology. Stupid biology. He should find it comforting, and yet... it didn't help. The fact that it was just a random act of nature didn't make him feel better at all.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

JJ watched as the man in front of her prayed. She had told Elle he didn't need to be followed and yet, here she was, following him. She hadn't meant to follow him. She had gotten up to go to the bathroom and seen him. Her heart had pulled her in his direction. Now, watching him, sit there and bargain with God, offer him whatever to have Ryan be okay, to get through this - it was heartwrenching. It had taken her breath away, stopped her heart, and numbed her all at the same time. Spencer was pure logic. He was a chemist. He was an engineer. He knew how things worked, why they worked, and what they did. He knew why this was happening, how it was happening. He knew the biological chemistry on what was happening in Ryan's body and yet, here he was looking to a higher power, a mythical and unexplained answer...for Ryan. This was the man who months ago had explained God in a snarky tone to their son. She rested her head against the cool wood of the door frame, watching him, head bowed. He was no longer speaking out loud, just sitting there as if he was waiting for an answer, for something. She wiped her eyes before taking a last look at him.

It was the moment she knew he loved Ryan more than he had ever loved her. It was the moment that she knew that he would fight for that woman, do whatever it took for her. He didn't need to ask God for the strength. Ryan had been right in her letter and she only hoped that the woman was still feeling the same for him. She hoped that they would make it through this. She hoped that they would be okay. And that shook her. She was rooting for them? She was hoping they would last? Maybe it was the letter. Maybe it was Spencer sitting in the room, praying. Maybe it was the whole damn day. She took a deep breath, before turning on her heel. She'd give Spencer his moment. He didn't need her right now.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Hi Uncle Spencer!"

Spencer smiled a little as Jack Hotchner's voice rang from the phone.

"Hey Jack. Is your Dad home?"

"He's in his office, but I'll get him, okay?"

"Okay." Spencer said, softly.

"Reid? Is everything alright? JJ told me that she'd be missing some work, that she and you both needed some personal leave?"

Spencer nodded. "I...well..." He didn't know how to say it. He took a breath, "Ryan was pregnant, she miscarried."

There was a long silence. "I'm sorry, Spencer."

"I know that... this is nothing like your loss, but.. you're...you're the only one I thought I could ask."

"Ask what, Reid?"

Spencer took in a deep breath, releasing slowly, feeling a little uncertain about the call. He and Hotch had never been close, maybe this was the wrong thing to do and yet, he needed the man's help.

"How do you do it? I... I've prayed. and I've... It hurts, Hotch. It hurts so much that I can't breath and... then... I... think these things. These bad, bad things."

"Drugs?"

"No." He sighed, leaning his head back. "I think that...at least I didn't lose Ryan. I'm grateful that it...it was only the baby..Is not sick? That I can be grateful that I lost Dylan and not the mother? I mean, that's sick right? How can I be grateful over that? How can I...think like that? I lost MY daughter!...I lost my daughter, Hotch."

"It's not sick, Reid. You're just realizing what you didn't lose. There's nothing wrong with that. I was grateful to have Jack, that didn't mean that I didn't care as much for Haley as I did Jack."

Spencer sniffled. "How do I make this better, Hotch? What do I say?"

"You can't make it better, Reid."

"I have to do-"

"You can't take her pain away. You can only be there for her. Help her grieve. You don't have to be strong. She needs to see it hurts you too. That you understand."

"I have to be strong, Hotch! I have to be-"

"Reid, this is not the job. This is your life. The woman you love just lost your baby. You don't have to be strong."

"How can you tell me that, when you never show your emotions?"

"Spencer. Have you seen me cry?"

"Once. But never again. You were just like normal at the funeral. With Strauss."

"Because I _did_ have to be strong, Reid. I had to be strong for Jack. He lost his mother. Ryan and you lost your daughter. No one expects you to be okay. No one needs you to be okay."

Spencer shook his head, "She needs me to be-"

"She needs you to be you and the Spencer Reid I know would not be okay."

"I'm not okay, Hotch. I'm so not okay." His voice waivered as he spoke.

"I know, Spencer."

"I lost my daughter, Hotch." He said, softly, as he lost the battle of trying to be strong while talking to his former boss.


	34. Chapter 34

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Author's Note:

Okay, so to explain why this chapter might be weird - I was listening to Beardyman and some dubstep when I wrote this. To those not in the UK, probably have no idea who that is. Hell, I know my fellow Americans have no clue.

********

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan curled up on her couch. Elle had brought her home. Spencer had wanted to stay, but Ryan wasn't ready to talk. She didn't want to see him right now. She had spent the last week trying to imagine what their little girl would look like and seeing him was just... It was too much. Hearing him talk and knowing that their little girl would be so much like him. She snuggled into the back of the couch. She just didn't want think about it. She didn't want to think about the fact that she wasn't pregnant anymore. She didn't want to think about the fact that JJ had been there, holding Spencer's hand. Her email meant nothing now. What bond did the two women have now? She wasn't going to be a mother of Spencer's child. She sighed, they still had that same love for Reid.

She looked over her shoulder at the sound of the unlocking of the door. She saw Spencer standing there with a bag. She raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing?"

He looked embarrassed and she couldn't help but smile a little.

"I brought you some...soup. I thought, I figured you would be hungry. You haven't ate all day. I thought I'd leave it while you were sleeping."

Ryan pulled the blanket closer. "Thanks, Spencer."

He bit on his bottom lip, debating what to do before sitting the bag down on the kitchen nook and moving to sit next to her.

"How are you feeling?"

Ryan just looked at him. He frowned, reaching out to brush the hair off her forehead. He sighed, not saying anything. She reached out to hold onto his wrist, her eyes already getting wet.

"She would have looked like you." She said, softly. "Those lips, your eyes."

"No way. She would have been all you. Just as beautiful as her mommy."

"The doctor said we could try again in six weeks."

Spencer's eyebrow furrowed. "Is that what you want?"

"I... I don't know." She rested her head against his arm. "I...I was kind of getting used to having your baby."

He smiled a little. "I was too." He reached out to carress her cheek. "We don't have to rush anything though, Ryan. We've got a lot of time."

"Do we?" She closed her eyes. Being close to him made her feel better and worse; it was if her heart was in a game of tug and war and she didn't know which side would win.

He kissed her forehead. "We have as long as you want."

"I don't know what I want." She felt completely helpless. He was trying so hard. He was doing everything right and yet, she wasn't feeling any more confident about the things he was saying.

He smiled a little against her skin. "That's okay, too."

Ryan wrapped her arms around him, before taking in a deep breath. "What if I need some time?"

He looked down at her, running his fingers through her hair. "Like I said, we've got all the time you need."

"I mean." She looked up at him. "What if I need some time away from us?"

He looked, confused, his hand pausing. "What?"

Ryan swallowed difficulty. "I... I don't know how to do this, Spencer. I can't.. I lost my parents and I... caved into myself. And I got through it. I fixed myself. I don't know how to depend on you during this and I don't want to ruin us because of that."

He stared at her and she pulled back slightly, feeling him starting to tense up. "I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, Spencer, and..."

"Then you don't need to worry about ruining us. Just because you did it alone the first time doesn't mean you have to be alone -"

"That's exactly what it means, Spence. I need... just a few...days."

He stared at her, opening his mouth and closing it a few times. He licked his lips before standing up. She could see his mind working through what she had said, analyzing every word she had chosen. She ran a hand through her hair.

"Spencer, I'm not giving up on-"

He held up a hand to stop her before turning away. She watched as ran his hand up his face, pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed as he stood there deep in thought. And then, it was gone. He opened his eyes, looked back at her.

"No."

Ryan felt her eyebrows raise in shock. "No?"

"No. We were going to have a baby together, Ryan. A baby. The hardest thing in the world is to raise a child and we were going to that together. We can get through this together too. You don't.. You don't have to be alone."

She stared at him. "I'm not trying to give you a chance to run to my side and make everything better, Spencer. I don't need a hero. I'm telling you that I need a few days. Either you give them to me or you don't."

"And I'm telling you that I don't." She watched him stand straighter and any other moment, she would have jumped him, but this. This was different. This wasn't the time.

"Then give me my key."

"What?" He looked back her, his confidance briefly lost.

"Give me my key." She held out her hand, expectantly. "If you aren't going to give me some space, than you can't have my key so you can walk in whenever you want."

"Why are you pushing me away, Ryan?"

She looked away and she felt him take a few steps toward her. His fingers of her face, pulling it to look at him.

"Just go, Spencer."

He stared at her before leaning down and kissing her. Ryan's hands moved to his shoulder, gripping it as she kissed him back. Spencer stepped closer, his arms wrapping around her torso, pulling her to her knees, more against him. Ryan pulled back, breathless, hands still full of his shirt.

"Spencer." She breathed, pushing her forehead into his cheek. "We...I...I can't."

He pulled back, brown eyes sad. "Ryan-"

She let go of his shirt, running his hands down his chest. beofre moving back to sit against the couch. "It's just a few days. I'll call you."

********

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

JJ stood up, alarmed, when Spencer entered Elle's house, drenched.

"What the hell, did you walk?"

Spencer didn't look up, just took off his jacket and put it to the side.

JJ looked back at Elle who shrugged.

"Spence."

He was undoing his tie, making his way up the stairs, his shoes sloshing with each step.

JJ set down the popcorn the two had been sharing before following him.

"Spence?" She called before knocking at the bathroom door.

He opened it, bare chested, belt undone.

JJ's eyes fell before raising back to his face. "You, You okay?"

He raised an eyebrow, before leaning his forearm against the door frame. "Do I really cause a reaction in you?"

"What?"

"Your pupils dilated."

"What? No, they didn't. Plus, I didn't come up here to talk about my pupils."

He smirked. "What did you come up here for?"

JJ's eyes narrowed. "Are you high, Spencer?"

"Depends of your definiton of high. '

of more than normal height', then yes. I'm a few inches taller than the average male. 'greatly advanced or developed; complex:' then again yes, again. I'm very intelligent, way more developed than the average."

JJ grabbed his arm, looking for track marks, annoyed. He pulled back his arm. "High as in intoxicated? Yes, but only because I've had a few drinks. I didn't shoot up. See, smell."

He leaned in. "You can smell the three Long Island Ice Teas."

And in fact, she could. She looked at him, pushing him back, smelling enough of the alcohol. She felt the muscles in his chest move slightly as he backed up with a grin.

"You're drunk. Why?"

"No. I can walk a straight line. I'm just... what's the word Morgan uses all the time. Buzzed." He grinned.

JJ couldn't help but smile at the look at his face. "You're a little more than buzzed. And I want to know why."

He shrugged. "I don't know. The fact that my daughter's heart stopped beating today and Ryan had to have a procedure that includes the scrapping and sucking out of such daughter. Could be that. Now can I go shower? Or would you like to hear more? Because I can give you more. How about I went over to Ryan's, you know, the mother of my now-dead daughter, and she broke up with me. Or we're on a 'break' - thats what the bartender called it. A break. Definition of a break is an interruption of a regular arrangement or.. get this. an escape. So.. techincally, in the sense of the word 'break' - she needs an escape from me."

JJ watched him, the playful buzzed mood falling into a bitter drunk.

"Can I shower now, please?" He asked, pushing back from the door frame to stare at her.

She nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry."

He raised his eyebrows with a pursed smile. "No problem." He said before closing the door.

JJ took a deep breath before running her hand through her hair. What a great day this had been.


	35. Chapter 35

JJ made her way down the stairs slowly, careful of not to wake the man (if he was sleeping) and due to the fact it was so dark.

"Spence?" She called softly.

"Hmm." He mumbled.

JJ breathed out in relief as she sat on the edge of the couch. "I can't sleep. I just... I keep thinking about her."

"I know."

JJ looked at her hands. "I'm sorry."

"I stole a vial of Dilaudid."

JJ raised her eyes to his face. His arm was behind his head and he was staring at the ceiling, not even really acknowledging what he said.

"Robbery and possesion of a controlled substance. They're both felonies. One I have commited multple times, the other - never, but seeing her laying there...and knowing that there was nothing I could do to help - I just wanted to forget. She was so... Nothing reached her eyes. It was like she had died too and I just... I couldn't take it, JJ."

"Did you use?"

"No. It's in my bag. I... I prayed about it. I thought about what Ryan would say."

She nodded, resting her hand on his shoulder. It was the first time he lowered his eyes to look at her.

"She broke up with me."

"She didn't."

"She said she needed time away from us. She needed to grieve by herself. She choose to distance herself from me - that's... if she can't depend on me now, then..."

"She lost her parents, Spence."

"I don't care!"

JJ looked at him shocked.

"My dad left me. I didn't have a real mother. I was physically abused by teenagers daily. I know what it's like to deal with things on your own, to retreat in yourself - and I needed her. I needed... I needed her to need me. And she turned me away. I wanted.. I needed her, JJ. I needed her."

JJ placed her hand on his cheek. "Spencer, she lost her baby."

"I lost her too!"

"But it's...different, Spence. Dylan was inside of her. She was connected to Ryan. It's... you'll never be able understand, because you're not a woman, and that's nothing you can control. It's... every breath Ryan took helped Dylan. Everything she ate, Everything she did. She...made her, and Ryan was the one who bled. She's the one who sat on a bed, legs opened and had to have to hear that machine take her baby away. You can't... It's different. And this is how she deals."

"You're supposed to be on my side."

JJ hid her smile by reaching out to touch his cheek. He was hurt and although, Spencer was resillent most of the time, with her, he was childish in his pain. She ran her thumb over his cheek as his bottom lip jutted out.

"I am on your side, sweetie. She's a fool for not giving you a chance, but... You have to understand that this isn't about you."

"But-"

"I'm not saying that you aren't allowed to be hurt or that your pain doesn't matter. It does and you should be able to grieve as much as you can about Dylan and even Ryan, but you have to understand. You have to let her do this. If you push her and it doesn't go well, she'll resent you. She loves you, Spence. More than anyone else. She loves you, but she's still learning how to be with you. She spent how many years by herself? Dealing with her parents death, keeping a distance. You don't just move on and be perfectly open with someone in four months. Look at you, it took you how many years to open up to me?"

"Three." He muttered.

"Exactly. Give her time, gorgeous."

He looked at her again and she smiled at him. "It will be okay, Spencer, I promise."

"Will you lay with me?" He asked, softly. "I... I don't want to be alone."

JJ looked at the couch. Spencer earlier had willingly taken the couch, muttering something about how wasn't going to sleep regardless. She bit at her lip before taking his hand.

"Come with me."

She led him up to the guest room before turning to face him, only to be grabbed ahold on and turned back towards the door. She gasped as he pushed her against the wall and moved close against her. JJ swallowed difficulty as she rasied her eyes to his.

"What are you doing, Spencer?"

The sadness in his eyes had changed from determination as he looked at her. He moved his hand to her chest, above her heart, watching her.

"Your heart is racing."

"No shit, Spencer. You just pinned me to the wall, unexpectantly."

"Earlier, your eyes dilated and now, racing heart."

She stared at him. "Spencer, don't be stupid. You know that I'm attracted to you. That I'm still in love with you."

"But you and Deacon."

"I didn't have sex with Deacon, Spencer." She grabbed his face. "I kissed him. I kissed him because he didn't take advantage of me when I was drunk and because he's a sweetheart, but in reality, the only reason I feel anything for him is because he's got that tall dark and handsome thing that you have perfected. He wears the same cologne as you and I..." She shook his head. "Why are we even talking about this? You're hurting over Ryan and Dylan and this doesn't matter."

"Ryan dumped me."

"So you're going to use me, Spencer? Like you used Ryan? Don't you need to shoot up first?" She couldn't help it. She felt hurt. She was trying to be there for him in a real way and he seemed to be turning back to their previous relationship.

Spencer glared at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Means I'm not going to do this anymore, Spencer. You need to grow up and deal with your pain in a real way. Not getting high. Not having sex. Go back downstairs."

"But-"

JJ pushed him back. "But nothing. You have a son, Spencer, who one day is going to get hurt. Whose already BEEN hurt. Would you want him to do the things you do? Would you want him to deal with his pain like this?"

Spencer stared at her before stepping back. "This isn't about Henry."

"You're right. It's about you." She reached out to touch his chest. "I want you, Spencer. I do. I want to make you forget and make you feel...amazing."

She felt him move a little closer and pushed him back, slightly. "But I can't... We can't. Not tonight. Not with all this."

Spencer grabbed her hand and moved it to her side, moving closer to her. JJ straightened as he leaned in, about to object when he rested his forehead against hers. She watched him as he blew out in a sigh.

"I... We-" He shook his head a little. JJ pushed him back a little to look at him.

"You love her, Spencer. If we were to do this, you'd...well, you should feel bad about it. Definitely when she wants to talk to you. You'd have to tell her and we'd all be back at square one. It took a lot to reach out to me and I don't want to-"

"So you're all Team Ryan now? What about-"

JJ gave him a look, causing him to stop, bite at his lip.

"I am so not Team Ryan. I'm Team Spencer. I want you to be happy. She makes you happy and i don't want you to risk that. Just... go downstairs, Spencer, please."

Spencer watched her for a moment before nodding. "Okay." He said, softly.

JJ leaned back against the wall, looking aside to the door, before looking back up at him. "Okay."

Neither moved for a few moments before Spencer leaned in and kissed her, soft and sweet. Before JJ could even push or pull at him, Spencer pulled back. "Thank you."

JJ watched as he walked out of the room before breathing in and leaning her head against the wall. He had kissed her. Not a hard 'I want to screw it until it doesn't hurt' kiss, but a 'You make my world better' kiss. She raised her hand to her lips, running her fingertips over the skin before sighing. He wasn't making this easy. He wasn't making it easy at all.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan ignored the knocking for another long minute before sighing. She stood up, wrapping the blanket around her before heading to the door. She opened it, hoping it wasn't Spencer. She couldn't handle seeing him after everything that had happened. She leaned against the door frame and looked at the man outside the door.

"DiMario."

Will shoved his hands in his pockets. "Elle told us they admited you to the hospital. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She moved away from the door. "All better now," she said, dryly.

"What happened, Ryan?"

Ryan fell back on the couch and looked up at Will. "Nothing. Just... I'm okay now, that's all that matters."

"Where's Spencer? I didn't think he would leave your side if you were sick."

Ryan clenched her jaw, pulling the blanket closer to her. "He's... I don't know where he is. He might have gone home."

Will looked at her, before sitting next to her. "Talk to me."

She looked at him briefly before shrugging. "We're taking a break. You know, the distance.. it was too much."

Will raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He leaned back before sighing. "Do you need me to kick his ass?"

Ryan almost smiled. "No...no. He was great yesterday. I ended it, not him. and he... He stood up for us."

"Then why, if he's willing to fight for you then...?"

Ryan shook her head, not wanting to explain. And Will didn't ask; he just reached out and touched her knee. "Well, you know we are here for you."

She nodded. "Thanks, Billy."

Will rolled his eyes at the nickname.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

JJ watched as Spencer stared at the cup of coffee in front of him. She felt for him. She knew that the fact that he could have coffee now hurt and she wondered if his once-favorite drink would always have such a negative connotation to it now. She reached out to touch his leg.

"Do you want to go home?"

He shrugged. "I think I'm going to go see my mom."

She nodded. "Would you like me to come with you?"

He reached out, running his fingers over the rim of the glass, before shaking his head. "I think I'll go alone."

She nodded. "If you need me..."

"I know." He picked up the cup before standing. She watched as he walked to the sink and poured the drink out before leaving the kitchen.


	36. Chapter 36

Ryan pulled her jacket towards her as she made her way through the facility's hallways. She didn't know why she was here. She missed Spencer already and...this was as close as she could get to him right now.

"Ms. Williams." She turned to see a nurse.

"Hi, Tara."

"Visiting again? Mrs. Reid is in her room. I can show you where that is. Mr. Reid called earlier, he'll be here around lunch."

Ryan nodded. "Well.. don't tell him I was here, okay?"

Tara looked at her, confused, but nodded. "Of course."

Ryan tried to smile. "Thank you."

Tara nodded again before leading the short woman to the professor's room. Diana looked up from her book and smiled.

"Ryan." She looked at the woman longer before frowning. "Oh Ryan." She said, sadly.

Ryan felt her emotions getting the best of her, seeing the concerned look in the woman's eyes. She broke the locked look, looking at her shoes.

"Come here." Diana patted the bed next to her and Ryan moved to sit next to her.

"You and Spencer broke up." Diana stated and Ryan looked up.

"How did.."

"A mother always knows. Did he do something wrong?"

"No, no. He... He did everything right."

"Then?"

Ryan bit on her lip, looking at the woman. It wasn't her place to tell, and yet... she needed to.

"I miscarried." She whispered. "I miscarried and I pushed Spencer away."

Diana nodded, slowly. Ryan didn't even look up.

"How can I be a good girlfriend when I feel... so messed up. I just feel like I'm not supposed to be happy. And why should I bring him down with me?"

"Spencer's father wanted a lot of kids. He wanted four or five and it terrified me. My brother and I both had this disease and I knew that with each child, it would only increase the chance that one of them would have it. And yet, I tried and we had an amazing son. My smart, beautiful boy. and then, things got bad, I'm sure Spencer has told you the story. and I lost myself. I pushed his father away. William tried after the incident, even if it was hard. He really did believe in "Death do us part", Spencer doesn't know that about him. His father is a great man. But, I'm getting off point. Before William left, he said something to me, that I think that you should think about. He said that It was never about him, or I, but us. That my disease wasn't what took him from me, but my inability to stay true to what we were; to even try."

Ryan looked at the woman, uncertain. "What?"

"Spencer has been through a lot in his life. He has never been normal and rarely has things come a long that makes him happy. Jason Gideon changed his life when he offered Spencer that job, but... What I'm trying to say is that you make him happy. He loves you and no matter your flaws or fears, if you try and you love him and you want to be an 'us' with him, he'll be there. Through it all. You just got to trust him."

"What if I don't even trust myself?"

Diana just looked on, knowingly.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer fiddled with his bag's strap. He had visited his mother briefly and was now sitting in an airport, waiting for a plane back to DC. It felt wrong to just be leaving, but he had tried several times to get in contact with Ryan again to no avail. She didn't want to see him. She didnt want to be with him. He had to accept that, let her grieve in her own way. He looked to JJ.

"Are you still mad?" He asked softly, causing her to turn her head. She didn't say anything at first before breathing out through her nose.

"No."

He lowered his eyes, uncertain that she was telling the truth. JJ reached out and touched his leg.

"I know this is hard for you, Spencer. I'm not mad. Disappointed in your behavior last night, yes, but I understand...and I'm here if you need me... just not like that, okay?"

He nodded before placing his hand on hers. "Thanks."

JJ laced her fingers with his and squeezed. Spencer looked at their hands. "Do... Do you think this is the right thing to do? To just leave?"

"It's all we can do, Spence. We have work."

"But..." He shook his head. "How can I leave my family?"

JJ held his hand. "You're going back to your family, Spence. Henry and the team..."

Spencer nodded before looking at her. "I wasn't saying that-"

"I know."

"I just..."

"I know, Spence."

Spencer didn't speak again, just nodding, looking back at their hands. "What if Ryan and I don't...can't get passed this?"

"Then..." JJ breathed in, trying to find a right answer. "Then it wasn't meant to be."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Elle stared Ryan down as she made her way to her desk. As the younger woman sat down, Elle stood and made her way over her desk.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?"

Ryan raised her eyes to look at the woman. "Working. What are you doing?"

"You shouldn't be here. Not for atleast a few more days, Ryan. Go... rest or..."

"I'm fine, Elle. Just fine."

"Right, so fine that you're making irrational decisions about someone you love and ignoring everything!"

Ryan clenched her jaw, looking over to see Will watching them, curiously. "It's none of your concern."

" 'None of my-" Elle shook her head sitting on the woman's desk. "Do you have any idea how devasted he was, Ryan?" She said, softly, so no one else could hear. "He lost both of his 'girls' - his words, not mine."

Ryan just stared at her. Elle watched her before shaking her head. She stood up. "You're going to regret this, Ryan. Whether or not if this is how you deal with stuff. Spencer is far from perfect, believe me - I know. He annoys the hell out of me sometimes, but he's good for you. He's good and you're throwing that away, just because you lost someone else. Shouldn't you be holding onto to the person you got left?"

Ryan just stared until Elle shrugged and moved back to her desk. Ryan wasn't going to say anything. Elle didn't know what it was like. Elle didn't know how it hurt. Ryan stood up; she had to get away before she said something she shouldn't. She made her way to the break room and grabbed a mug and tea bag before realizing she could have coffee. She set down the mug and closed her eyes. Everything was like a constant reminder. Everything hurt.

"You okay?"

She sniffed and straightened out, turning to see Will standing at the door entry, looking concerned.

"Yeah, yea. Just...closed my finger in the door."

"No I didn't, I've been standing here the whole time."

Ryan looked at him before sighing. "Will, I'm fine."

Will stared at her. "You're not fine. What's going on, Ryan?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, too bad. Something happened. You were in the hospital and then you broke up with Reid and now you're fighting with Elle. You aren't fine."

"Okay, I'm not fine. But I'm not talking to you about it. Is that better?" Ryan said, looking at him.

Will looked at her before looking outside of the room. He closed the door before sitting down at the table. "Sit."

"What?"

"Sit. Down."

Ryan stared at him before sitting down.

"talk to me."

"No."

Will reached out and grabbed her hands. "Talk to me, Ryan."

"No." Ryan glared, pulling her hands back. Will grabbed her hands again.

"Do you know why Connor's mom and I broke up?"

"Because you don't know when to stop?" Ryan said, trying to tug her hands away.

"Because Connor was a twin, but Casey didn't make it. She was stillborn."

Ryan's eyes softened. "Oh, Will."

"I was happy that we had a happy baby. We had Connor, but she couldn't move on from the loss of Casey and she started to resent me because of that. I don't think she's ever got over that."

"What...what does that have to do with me?"

"Because I know that look, Ryan. and I... I didn't want to intrude, because it's not my place. And with Reid, maybe there was other factors, but you're pushing away everyone now and I... I can't sit here and watch you do that."

Ryan pulled away her hands and stood up. "I'm not doing anything like that. Elle and I just disagreed about something...and you don't know anything about Reid and I."

She moved back to the counter, spotting the tea bag and sighed. "But you are right about... I lost a baby."

Will didn't say anything, so Ryan turned back to him. "You were okay with it, losing your daughter?"

"Not at all. But... I still had a son. I still had my girlfriend. I was happy for that."

"How could you be happy?" Ryan shook her head. "How could you be happy?"

"I..." Will shrugged. "I don't know."


	37. Chapter 37

Author's Note:

So I have a new story out: Magnet. Spencer/Harper Hillman. D. fun. You should ch-ch-check it out. This chapter might come out a little Grey's Anatomy-ish. I've been watching "Greatest Speeches" for the last three hours. Haha.

Oh. And there's some naughty words and sexual talk. Be careful.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan rested her head on her desk as the day came to an end. Everyone was working on paperwork and she hadn't been able to concentrate at all. She had hoped for a case; something to get her attention off and away from all the bad things floating around in her head and nothing. Nothing had happened. Ryan sat up and stretched a little.

"How about we go get a drink?" Will said, sitting on the edge of her desk.

Ryan looked at him before shrugging. Alcohol would be a good excuse. "I guess I could get a drink. You driving?"

"Of course, my dear." He winked and she rolled her eyes. He offered his hand regardless, which she took.

"You're going to have to take me home, Will. I'm telling you, I'm going to get smashed."

He laughed. "You can't drink your problems away, Ryan."

"In the long term, of course. But today, I'm getting drunk and you're paying."

Will laughed and he placed his hand on her back as they walked towards the elevators. She paused, turning toward him.

"I'm serious, Will. I need this. I need to get drunk and forget everything and I need you to be there for me because…"

"I'm not going to leave your side." Will said, pressing the button before looking at her. "Although, I reiterate that I don't recommend this."

"Yeah, yeah, I heard."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan ran her hands down the man's chest. "You're strong." She slurred.

Will held her up by her waist. "I know."

"Like buff strong. You got abs, huh?" She grinned, before pulling up his shirt. "Spencer doesn't have a six pack. You got, whoa. You got an 8 pack!"

Will grabbed her wrist, pulling it away from his skin. "Ryan, stop."

She sighed, resting against him. "Spencer's a good lover though, you know. He's very giving. You're probably selfish, huh? The hotter guys are usually more usual, get what they want and get gone. Spencer didn't have a lot of girls fawning all over him, so… that's why he's probably giving, right?"

Will stared at her. "I… I'm not selfish, but what-"

"And he's rich. Did you know that? He's like… He's loaded."

Will raised an eyebrow. "That's why you're with him?"

Ryan smacked him. "No! No! I'm telling you the Good things! He's got a big dick too."

Will coughed. "Ryan, I-"

She pulled back to give him an estimate before she stumbled and Will held her straight.

"I don't need to know how… that. I don't need to know."

"He's more than just that, though. He's amazing, Will. He's… God, he's such a great father and he… the way he….loves. It's… It's like it amazes him that he even feels such things and… because you make him feel things, it's like you're…a goddess." She grinned. "He makes me feel like a goddess."

Will pushed the hair out of her face. "Let's get you home, Ryan."

She shook her head and reached out for her drink. "I'm not drunk yet."

"You're very drunk, Ryan."

She downed the drink and set it down before looking at him. "William, do you think I'm pretty?"

Will stared at her. "Ryan, I don't see-"

"Do you think I'm fat? Because I gained like 7 pounds and Spencer said it was normal and that I was beautiful, but he loves me and I - do you think I'm pretty?"

"You're very hot, Ryan." Will nodded.

Ryan grinned, resting her hands on his chest again, leaning into him. "Very hot, huh?"

Will straightened up a little. "Of course, but.. I mean, That doesn't mean… Spencer and I our friends, Ryan. And you're drunk." He paused as she pushed her hips into him. "Very drunk."

"That doesn't mean anything."

Will pulled back a little. "You're right. But.. But you just lost a baby, so…"

Ryan straightened, slightly sobering up. "Take me home."

"Ryan, I'm-"

"Take me home, Will."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Hey." JJ said softly as she made her way into the little boy's room.

Spencer hadn't moved away from the little boy's side since they arrived home. She knew that it was because of the loss of Dylan. Seeing his child alive and happy and here had gotten to him. She couldn't blame him. She knew he needed this.

Spencer raised his head, from looking at Henry in his bed. He smiled, softly.

"Hey."

JJ sat down next to him. "You want to talk about it?"

He shook his head, slowly, before reaching out and running his fingers over Henry's head. "He's beautiful, isn't he?"

"Just like his daddy."

"Just like you." Spencer corrected. JJ smiled and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry about Dylan, Spence."

"She would have been so beautiful. I was so scared, Jenn. I kept thinking about her growing up and meeting guys like…Derek."

JJ laughed softly. "She would have been smart. Used a condom."

Spencer turned his head and glared at her, causing her to laugh again. "Come on, Spence. You don't think Henry's ever going to have sex?"

Spencer opened his mouth to speak when his phone buzzed. He smiled apologetically before answering.

"Reid."

"Spencer, I'm sorry. I'm… I… I wasn't going to do it, I swear."

Spencer furrowed his brow. "Ryan?"

"I.. Will.. And.. We.. I was drunk and…Spencer, I'm so sorry." She cried.

Spencer stood up. "What happened, Ryan?"

JJ watched as he stood up and started to pace.

"I.. I got really drunk. I'm really drunk and.. I.. Will was -"

"Did you do something with Will?"

"I….Spencer." She cried.

Spencer clenched his jaw. That wasn't a yes or a no.

"Spencer, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to-"

Spencer hung up on the woman before looking back at JJ, who was watching him curiously. Spencer licked his lips before shaking his head.

"I.. I don't know much about dating, but when you break up with someone, they aren't supposed to call you and apologize for being with someone else, right? That's… that's just…not right."

JJ frowned. "She got with Will?"

"I.. I don't know. She can't… I mean, you know, so… but, I guess… I don't know."

Spencer looked at Henry before JJ before walking out of the room. JJ followed almost immediately.

"Spence."

"She can't be with me, but she can do things with Will? That doesn't make any sense!"

JJ kept her distance, seeing the man pace her living room before stepping in front of him.

"Hey."

Spencer paused and stared down at her. "This… This is so messed up."

JJ smiled, sadly, before putting her hand on his chest. "It's going to get better."

He shook his head. "No, no, it's not."

JJ placed her hand on his cheek, causing him to look at him. "It's going to get better. She's confused and she was drunk, right?"

He nodded, looking down. JJ bent her knees to be able to look straight in his eyes. "Hey, hey."

Spencer raised his eyes slightly. "I can't do this, JJ I can't… I can't do this."

JJ sighed, running her fingers over his jaw. She was losing her own battle of just not taking him in her arms and making everything better. If Ryan was moving on to Will, then… why shouldn't JJ get her second chance with Spencer? No, she couldn't. He wanted Ryan. He needed Ryan, right now.

"You can and you will. You're a strong man, Spencer…and I'm here. We can do this. We can get through this."

Spencer stared at her, an almost confused look coming into his eyes. "Why… why are you here? You're… You still love me, right?"

JJ nodded. "I'm always going to love you, Spence. I just want you to be happy. She makes you happy."

"I'm not happy now."

"You're going through a lot, right now. But like I said, we can do this."

Spencer smiled a little, moving his head to the side to brush his lips against her palm. JJ watched him before a small sigh escaped. Spencer raised his eyebrows, before pulling back slightly. Spencer grabbed her hands, holding them between them before slightly leaning in.

"Spence, don't." JJ barely whispered. This was different from the previous encounter, but not by much. He was still hurting. He had just gotten more bad news.

He didn't listen though. His lips met hers, softly and inventively. It wasn't hard and rough and needy. It was nice and she felt herself melt a little into him. His hands bringing hers to his neck, which she graciously wrapped around, her fingers teasing at his hairline. She pulled away, slightly. This was bad, this was very bad, but she couldn't stop. Not this time, not when it was like this. This wasn't being pushed against a wall and being used. This didn't feel wrong. Spencer kept close, she could still feel his breath and as he leaned in again, pausing right before their lips met only to open his eyes, silently asking if this was okay, JJ felt all of her will to fight leave. She tugged him closer to close the distance between them. She still knew this was going to be bad, but at the moment she could care less.

****

Author's Note:

Okay, so I didn't expect this happening, BUT I needed some little happy moment because MY EAGLES ARE KICKING MAJOR ASS (28 to 0 in the FIRST QUARTER!) so… this just came out. For all the JJ/Reid fans.


	38. Chapter 38

JJ closed her eyes, feeling Spencer's lips running over her jaw, his hands on either side of her neck. He was in control and JJ didn't mind a bit. She swallowed difficultly, tilting her head slightly, trying to get his lips where she wanted them. She felt his lips curl into a smile before he leaned his forehead against her temple.

"Tell me what you want." He murmured, his breath against her cheek.

She shook her head. She didn't know what she wanted. She wanted him to be happy, but if she made him happy - did Ryan really matter? She sighed as his lips moved to her neck - she definitely wanted that. Her fingers curled into his hair as another sound escaped her lips.

Spencer nipped at the skin before pulling back to look at her. "Tell me."

JJ looked at him, running her hands over his shoulders down his chest, before looking back up at him. "I want…"

Spencer moved his hands up her arms, waiting. JJ smiled at his patience. "I want to know you really want this. Is this real?" She asked, softly.

Spencer ran his fingers down her forearms before resting them on her hips. "I…" He looked away and JJ smiled, sadly, before pushing him back a little.

"Then we can't."

Spencer pulled her back. "If Ryan's moving on, then I should too, right? And I… I love you, JJ."

"I don't want to be the rebound, Spence."

"You could never be like that."

JJ leaned in and kissed him, softly. "If we do this, it has to be real. A real relationship. Not just one night. I know that's a lot to ask and if you can't give that, I understand, but that's what I need. That's what I have to have with us."

Spencer watched her before leaning his forehead against hers. She knew it was a lot to ask and didn't expect an answer at the moment. She ran her fingers through his hair again, smiling when his eyes closed at the contact. His arms curled around her waist, pulling her closer as he rested his head on her shoulder. She continued to run her fingers through his hair as they stood in the comfortable silence, both minds racing.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan groaned at the knock on the door before crawling out of bed. She made her way to the door before wincing as she opened it being flooded by light.

"I brought you some coffee." Will said, making his way in. Ryan stayed at the door, watching him, silently.

He turned to look at her. "Nothing happened last night, if you can't remember. You got drunk, talked about Spencer, mentioned kissing me and I took you home. You did puke in my car though, so… you're getting that bill."

Ryan moved to the couch, still watching him.

"You did call Spencer though, I tried to stop you, but you were upset and said you had to tell him. You might want to call him when you're feeling better. He probably needs an explanation. I thought about calling him, but… that's your thing."

Will handed her a cup before sitting next to her. "Did you sleep well?"

Ryan just stared before sipping. Will leaned back, putting his feet up. "I already told Grey you wouldn't be in, and I have to get back soon, but I wanted to check up on you."

"Did you think about it?"

"Think about what?"

"Kissing me."

Will looked at her before shrugging. "If Spencer wasn't around and you weren't hurting, heck yes I'd kiss you. I'd taken you home, but you love him and you're in pain. We're friends and I'd never do that to you." He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. Ryan sighed, resting her head on his chest.

"Good, because you're like a brother to me, Will."

Will smiled and kissed her head. "Alright. Well drink some coffee and sleep it off and I'll come check on you after work, okay?"

"Can you stay…for just a little longer?"

Will looked at her before nodding, settling into the couch a little more. "Okay."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Daddy, Daddy!" Henry jumped on his dad's chest and grinned. "You stayed!"

Spencer opened his eyes and smiled up at his son. "Hey, Hen."

"You make me breakfast, Daddy?"

Spencer laughed. "Yeah, let's go get some breakfast." He sat up and grabbed the little boy. "We got to be quiet though, okay?" He said, setting the boy down on the floor only to see him race to the kitchen.

JJ stirred, reaching out for the man as he started to get out of the bed. "Hey."

Spencer turned and smiled at her. "Hey, I'm going to go make breakfast for Henry. Do you want some waffles?"

She shook her head before leaning up and kissing him. He smiled and kissed her back before pulling back, starting to get up.

"Spencer, are you upset that we didn't…"

He turned, pulling on his shirt. "No! No. Why would I? If we do this, we're going at it slow, right? And if we don't, then it's good that we didn't."

"Are we doing this?" JJ asked, moving to her elbows.

Spencer looked at her. "I… I love you, I do. And last night was…. Amazing, but… I love her, JJ. And you told me to grow up, right?"

JJ nodded, slowly, looking at him.

"Then… I have to think. I have to talk to Ryan. I mean, She and I.. we were going to build a life together, you know?"

JJ nodded. "Go make Henry his waffles. He's waiting."

Spencer smiled, sadly before kneeling on the bed and kissing her forehead. "I do love you, JJ. That's why this… this is hard."

She nodded before watching him go. She sighed, laying back down.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan laid in bed, thinking about what Will had said. She sighed. She had called Spencer, wonderful. He had probably ran right back into JJ's arms… but was that even a bad thing? JJ could give him something she couldn't. JJ was there. JJ was the mother of his son. JJ had taken care of him for years. Ryan pulled the pillow over her head, just wanting to cry. Everything was so messed up. She turned to her side, tossing the pillow before grabbing her phone. No missed calls. No texts. Should she even try? She twirled the phone between her fingers before dialing his number and waiting. What was she going to say?

"Hello, Ms. Ryan!"

Ryan's heart nearly broke. "Henry." She said, her voice cracking.

"How are you feeling, Ms. Ryan. Daddy said you got sick. That's why he and mommy visit you."

Ryan took in a deep breath. "Yeah, buddy. I… I had to go to the hospital."

"Oh no! Daddy didn't say that! You really sick, Ms. Ryan!"

"Yeah, but I'm…getting better now."

"You don't sound better, You sound really sad."

Damn his intelligence. Ryan wiped her eyes. "Yeah, I guess so, buddy. I…"

"I sing to you. Daddy said that when you sick, you got to sleep, so I sing you a song and you go back to bed, okay?"

Ryan sighed. "Okay."

Henry cleared his throat and Ryan felt herself slightly smile before he started to sing the same melody she had sang to him a few times; her mother's lullaby for her. The words were his own, just syllables close to the Georgian words. Ryan felt her eyes burn with tears as he continued the whole song.

"Again, Ms. Ryan?"

"Y-yeah, Again."

Henry didn't seem to hear her voice crack or mind singing it again, because again, he cleared his throat and started over. Once he was done, she didn't say anything.

"Ms. Ryan, you sleeping?"

He waited a second before speaking again, this time not to her. "Daddy, Ms. Ryan sleeping, now. I hang up?"

"Are you sure she's asleep."

"I sang to her Daddy. I tell her goodbye, now. Ms. Ryan? You sleeping?" He sighed when she didn't answer again. "Okay. Goodnight, Ms. Ryan. I love you. And Daddy love you too, Ms. Ryan. He told me not to tell, but Daddy cry last night about you. He got really scared 'cause you were sick. I tell him it be okay and you move here soon and we'd give you soup, that's what Mommy give me when I sick and purple drink. You have that too."

Ryan clenched her jaw from making a sound. Henry sighed.

"I can't wait until you get here, Ms. Ryan. I miss you a lot. I ask Daddy when we come see you again, but he said he didn't know because you were sick, but Daddy come back, so I hang up now. I love you, Bye."


	39. Chapter 39

**Author's Notes:**

Okay, the first part of this chapter is in present tense. Why? Because it's the only way I can write it. Why? Because….. I don't know. Feels necessary. So sorry about the change-up, but I hope you enjoy the chapter. Oh, and I don't normally do this, but…while writing this first part I was listening to LeAnn Rimes' I Need You, so if you're one of those people who listen to music while they read or whatever, and wanna put that song on, go ahead. Not usually my choice of music, but hey. Inspiration works in mysterious ways.

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Ryan lays, staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep after Henry hangs up. His words echo in her head as if it's playing them on repeat, unable to end. They hurt. They hurt and they sting and they bring a sense of clarity that tears her from the fog that the last two days have put her in. She lost her daughter and now she's losing her son. Not her son. His son. But over these last months, that little boy has become a part of her. A part of her that she can't let go. And maybe it's just because he's so much like his Daddy and she's so in love with him that she needs both of them, but the little boy sitting there, singing to her the song her mother sang to her as a child has put her full circle. It brings her to a place she's never thought she'd be and…in a way, she feels….better. Henry has became her family and he sings her mother's songs, causing her memory to go on. Ryan has passed down her memories to him and maybe, just maybe, when Henry is old enough to have his own children, he will sing to them like he sang to her. And when they ask what is that? Where is that from? He'll be able to say from her. From her mother. And she wants to be around for that, to tell his children about that. She wants to be there for him. She wants to be a part of his life, and be an important role in his life. Because he's Spencer's son. And She…She really does want to spend her life with that man. She thinks about what Will said in the office, about his son and his girlfriend, that that was enough. And even though her heart aches and aches for Dylan, hearing that little boy tell her that he loved her touched something. Touched something deep, deep inside and changed everything. She understood Will. She still had that little boy. She still had Spencer. And she was throwing everything away because of something she could not control. It was not her fault_. It was not her fault._ And it would never not hurt, but being alone? Not having the rest of her family, throwing them away because of this pain when she could share it? Weather it with people she had grown to love? Why was she willing to throw everything away? It had worked the first time, of course. She had got through the years that seemed impossible without her parents, but she hadn't….lived. She hadn't been happy as she was in these few months, reaching out, taking a chance. And God, had she taken a chance.

She thinks about the man she's left. The man she almost had a baby with and she has to smile. Because even with all the things he's done and been through, she finds him as close to perfect as there can be. He brought her soup and tried to fight for them. He bought baby books and flew across the country for doctor appointments. He held her as she cried when his heart was breaking too and then, wasn't afraid to show that it hurt him too. It hurt him too and yet, he did his best to be there for her and she had pushed him away. She just wants to call him and apologize and beg him to come back and just…be there. And when she feels his arms wrap around her, just lose it. Just tell him everything. Just tell him and let him do whatever he wants to do. Just trust in him and yet, she can't. She can't pick up that phone. And she doesn't know why.

And it shocks her when it rings.

Ryan hesitates before picking it up. "Hello." She said, breathlessly.

"Hey." She hears, and it's Spencer, as if he had heard her thoughts. As if he just knows.

"I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"No," She says, softly. "What's up?" She asks, trying to play it cool.

He clears his throat. "I.. well, I was wanting to talk to you about something."

She swallows the lump in her throat. "Yeah, I.. I wanted to talk to you too."

"Yeah." He says, softly. "Uhm, should… do you want to go first?"

"No.. no, you… you called."

"Right. Right. Uh… well…after you called last night… JJ and I.."

Ryan pretty much tunes out everything after that, and yet hears keywords like 'relationship', 'family', and others like 'kissed'. Kissed was a big one he repeats.

"….but it's… I don't want that if we have a shot at working this out. I know you and Will… something happened or…something."

Ryan couldn't concentrate on anything, but the fact that he had turned to JJ, that he had laid in her bed. He had kissed her.

"Ah." She tries, but it's the only thing that comes out - a strangled cry that she tries to keep in. He had moved on. He was trying to move on with…her. With JJ. For his family. His family.

"Ryan?" He says, concerned and soft and it only hurts more. It only breaks her more.

"No…no, you… you-you-you-you should… you…You should do that. If she makes you happy, then… you…yeah."

"You make me happy." he says and it doesn't sound like the truth at the moment. Not to her. Not after what he just said. She had desperately just wanted him to try for her. Just… wait until she was ready and he had ran to JJ. He had ran to her and not even looked back. And Here, she was…. Here she is and he doesn't want her. "You were with Will."

'Yeah. Will." She tries to sound strong. "Me and Will are happy. I… I totally didn't see him that way before, but… you know, I guess… love works in mysterious ways, huh?"

She hears him inhale sharply. "You love him?"

She clenches her jaw, wanting to scream no, but she's…she's… He ran to JJ. "Yes."

"O-oh." He sounds so broken. Or is it an act? She can't tell. She doesn't know and it hurts. It hurts so bad.

There's a long silence. And she realized she can't do this. She can't do this. She can't let him go like this.

"Spencer…."

"No.. no, it's… I'm glad. I-I- I got to go."

He hangs up before she can fix it and she calls back immediately, but he doesn't answer. So she tries again and nothing. Once more with a prayer, and again…nothing.

"Shit."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Spencer felt the phone vibrate in his hand, but he couldn't answer it. He couldn't hear her. He put it on silence before putting it in his pocket. He heard Henry laughing and playing in the other room with his mother, but at the moment he couldn't… he couldn't do anything just stand in JJ's office and go over the conversation he just had with Ryan.

He turned at footsteps to see JJ at the door. "You okay?" She asked, giving him space.

He shook his head, causing her to move. She stopped a foot away from him, looking up at him.

"Talk to me."

"She's with Will. She… She… said 'Love works in mysterious ways.'"

"Oh, Spencer." JJ wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close.

Spencer wrapped his arms around her waist, slowly. "Love works in mysterious ways."

JJ ran her fingers through his hair, trying to sooth him without any words.

He sniffled and shook his head. "Fine. Fine. We… if she…. We should do this. Slow…and…we should try this again. For Henry and.."

JJ pulled away. "You just got your heart broke, Spencer. This isn't-"

He kissed her regardless and JJ pushed him back. "Spencer, I'm serious. I want this and I want you to take a few days to get… think and when it doesn't hurt so much, we'll talk again, okay?"

She ran her fingers over his cheek. "I love you and I want you to want this as much as I do."

He nodded, leaning against her. "I do want this." He leaned in and kissed her again.

"DADDY! YOU NO KISS MOMMY!"

Spencer jumped at the little boy's scream. Both parents stared at their son, who was red and wide-eyed.

"Daddy! No! No! No! No!"


	40. Chapter 40

"No!"

Spencer and JJ were sitting across the little boy, who had his arms crossed against his head and shaking his head. He

"You love Ms. Ryan, Daddy. You love her! You no kiss Mommy and love Ms. Ryan!" He shook his head again, to prove his point, standing up and stomping his feet.

Spencer just stared at the boy, unsure of what to say. What could he say?

"I call her! I call her now!" Henry said, staring at the two, pout of his lips, angry look in his eyes. "I tell her!"

JJ moved to him, resting her hand on his shoulder, trying to do something to explain, to calm him down. "Ryan and Daddy broke up, buddy."

"NO! NO! NO! I talk to Ms. Ryan! I talk to her NOW!"

Spencer looked at the little boy before pulling out his phone. JJ raised a hand to pause him before looking at the little boy. Even though he was hurting, he couldn't just scream and get his way.

"Not until you calm down."

Henry looked between his parents, his eyes red as he sucked in his bottom lip before he sat back on the couch, still clearly upset. He looked at his Dad. "Daddy, no." He whined.

Spencer looked at the little boy as he silently cried, not able to understand why things were happening this way. Spencer couldn't blame him, he didn't understand it either. He couldn't take it. He handed his phone to JJ before walking out of the room. He couldn't sit there and explain to his son that they had lost a child and Ryan couldn't look at him, much less be with him. That she had ran into someone's else's arms.

JJ watched him before looking back at the boy who was crying, but not screaming and stomping. She sighed, rubbing her forehead before dialing Ryan's number and handing it to the boy. She watched as the boy grabbed for the phone, putting up to his ear as he continued to pout. JJ watched him for a moment before getting up, pacing the living room, before her eyes went to Spencer, who was standing outside. She looked back at Henry before following the man.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan jumped when the phone rang and answered immediately.

"Spencer, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that at all. Will and I-" She paused hearing the sniffle. That wasn't Spencer. "Henry?"

A whimper.

"Hey… Henry, what's wrong?" She said, softly, trying to sooth the crying boy. She wondered what had happened to get him so upset and where his father was, who should be at his side, comforting him.

"You leave me. Mommy and Daddy kiss and you go away. I don't want you to go away."

Ryan bowed her head as the picture came a little clearer. "I'm not-"

"Mommy say you and Daddy break up!" he cried out loudly. "Papa and Mommy break up and now I don't see him and he doesn't call me and… and and and and I don't want you to go away! I don't want to not talk to you! I love you, Ms. Ryan."

"I love you too, Mini." Ryan said, trying to contain her own tears.

"Then don't go!" He cried. "Please don't go! You supposed to come here and live with us and… and… You don't love us no more?"

"I do, buddy! I love you and your daddy more than anyone in the whole world."

"Then why you and daddy break up?" He asked, with a sniffle.

"Because…" He sighed, wiping her eyes, "You're too young to understand, Hen."

"I not! I not too young." Henry insisted. "I smart, I understand."

Ryan sniffled again, trying to think of away to explain. "Something bad happened. I got sick and Daddy and I… I told your daddy that I couldn't see him because I was scared."

"You scared of Daddy? But Daddy a good guy! …He nice."

"I'm not scared of your dad, no. I know he's nice, hon. I was scared…. That I was going to lose him, so I thought if I pushed him away first, it wouldn't hurt as much. That it was my choice."

"That doesn't make sense."

"I know, baby, I know." Ryan said, a new batch of tears starting.

Henry sniffled. "But you love Daddy?" He asked, softly, sounding unsure.

"I do, with everything I am, sweetie."

"Then say you're sorry. Daddy forgive me. He forgive you." He sounded hopeful, which broke her heart even more.

"He….Buddy, when people break up, they move on…and your daddy wants to be with your mommy now."

"But I want him to be with you!" Henry cried.

Ryan frowned. "Hey, hey. Remember what I said, even if Daddy and I weren't together, you and I were going to be friends."

Henry sniffled. "friends?"

"Yeah. You're my best friend in the whole world."

"I am?" Again, the hopeful tone. She smiled at the tone.

"Uh huh. And… you can draw me pictures and call me and whatever you want, no matter what, okay?"

"But-but-" He started again, but Ryan tried to sooth him.

"Your mommy and Daddy are going to be together, buddy, that's a good thing. You're going to be a family."

"But you're my family too." Henry said with a sniffle.

"Oh, Henry."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"What was that about?" JJ asked, coming out side, slightly angry. He had just left her to deal with the whole situation by herself. Spencer just stared out at the backyard, silently, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Spencer! I'm talking to you. You can't just leave like that, when…"

He looked back at her and she paused, seeing the pain. She sighed, rubbing her forehead. "This is a bad idea."

"What?" He asked, focusing more on her.

"This! This is a bad idea. It's going to turn out to what it was before and we can't do that. We have a son! A son who is in love with your ex-girlfriend and is in there, CRYING, because you aren't with her. This.. This is insane!"

JJ moved to sit on the swing and rested her head in her hands, trying to think.

Spencer looked at her confused. "So you don't want to do this?" He asked, softly.

"I do, Spence, but… Maybe this isn't the right time. You're head over heels in love with her. And… you just broke up. It's… I mean, I love you, I do. And I want us to be a family, but…we've been doing pretty well. We should just… keep it the same for Henry for a while. He needs to stability. Maybe we talk to Ryan, see if he can still call her and…I don't know, Spence. We should just give it some time and if we can… we slowly work on us. But right now… he's in there, crying, because he feels like he's about to lose another person close to him and we can't… we can't keep doing this."

"I'm sure Ryan isn't going to walk away from him. She's not like Will."

JJ raised an eyebrow and started to say something before biting her lip. "Alright. Well.. Then, I'll… talk to her, seeing how… I mean, would you rather?"

Spencer looked at his shoes and JJ had her answer. "Okay, then I'll talk to her about it and we'll just… concentrate on him for awhile, right?"

Spencer nodded, eyes still on his shoes.

"Right." She said to herself before making her way back inside.

**Author's Notes:**

I am really having a hard time deciding what JJ would do in this whole arc. She keeps flip-flopping in the story and I really don't think that's what the character would do, but then again, who knows. The love of your life is having a baby with someone else. It's... not cool and it hurts and it makes you crazy. Maybe JJ's gone a little crazy. That's how we'll explain her crazy behavior. She keeps having redeeming moments, so.. maybe thats a little IC, maybe not. Another thing is I really don't know who Spencer is going to end up with. I should figure that out as we get closer to the end. i mean, we are 40 chapters into this thing.


	41. Chapter 41

Spencer followed a few moments later to see Henry still talking to Ryan. JJ was - he looked around, not seeing her, until he spotted her in the kitchen. He sat down across from the little boy. Henry looked at him and glared, but kept talking to the woman. Spencer sighed and stood up, walking over to JJ.

"I'm sorry." He said and she turned away. He frowned. She was crying.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

She tried to keep turned from him as she wiped her eyes. "Nothing."

"It's not nothing, you're crying."

"I'm not."

Spencer touched her arm and she turned around, eyes blotchy but no tears.

"Talk to me, JJ."

"I walked in here and he… he _loves _her, Spencer. And you love her. You love her a lot."

Spencer looked away and JJ grabbed his face. "Look at me."

He looked at her and she studied his face. "Tell me that you aren't settling, Tell me that if Ryan still wanted you, that you would still want me."

He just stared at her and she smiled.

"Tell me the truth, Spence."

He didn't say anything and she took her hand off his face, resting it on his shoulder. "After all this drama, we deserve that don't we?"

He looked at her before sighing. "Her having a baby was the scariest and the best thing that ever happened to me. After Henry, I didn't think I'd experience that again. It was a mistake - not that I think Henry was a mistake - that it happened the first time and I never got to witness all that happened before he was born. I… loved her before she was pregnant, I did, but watching her… seeing that…. Something changed, JJ."

JJ nodded, not wanting to interrupt him.

"She didn't want the baby at first. It terrified her as much as it did me. She wasn't ready and she didn't hide that and then over the last two, three months…. She bloomed into this… She was ready and she was…motherly. Did you know she wrote to her? She has a whole notebook of just letters to Dylan. She let me read it last time. She said it started as a fluke, but then she couldn't stop. It helped her bond. And the look in her eyes every time she called the baby "Dylan", it was…" He smiled, looking at his shoes again.

"She is the most beautiful woman in the world, JJ. She's…. she's…. everything."

"Then why aren't you fighting for her, Spencer?"

"She's with Will now and… Traumatic events, like the loss of a child, changes relationships and with her previous encounters with loss, it makes sense that she's pushing me away. I…. I just want her to be happy and if she can't be happy with me….then…so be it."

JJ rolled her eyes. "That's bullshit, Spence. I want you happy and I fought for you."

"And was it worth it? Did you get me?"

JJ just looked at him. He had a point even if he was being snaky about it.

"Yeah, but if you're meant to be with her, then it would make sense I wouldn't 'win'"

Spencer rolled his eyes. "Soul mates don't exist."

"Maybe not, but C'mon, Spence. Henry is out there, pretty much begging Ryan to come here, to apologize, to be a part of his family again - That's got to mean something."

"He's two and he just lost Will -"

"It's more than that, Spencer! Do you know what he was saying when I walked in here? He said that his Daddy and His mommy would always be together but that they - we - didn't work that way. That His daddy, that YOU are supposed to be with her, with Ryan. How would a two year old know that if it wasn't true?"

"She made her decision." He said, before starting to walk away.

"Just like your dad?" She called out, causing Spencer to stop and turn around.

"You were a genius, Spencer and you didn't even _look _for him, did you?"

He furrowed his brows, staring at her.

"He left you and that was it. You know, everyone at the office, always thinks that you're so brave. That you've been through so much, but you have this 'silent strength' underneath it all. Morgan teases you, but he respects you and Emily… called you out because you could handle it and you've never let it go. You've never let anything go! Do we all have you wrong? Are you just a weak little boy who runs away when things don't go his way?"

Spencer just stared at her. "This isn't like you."

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I haven't been like me in months, Spencer! My family is coming apart. I'm in love with my best friend and the fucking Pentagon is hassling me to leave the BAU."

"What?"

She rubbed her forehead. "Nothing. Just…. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean the things I said. I just… I'm exhausted of all this. I'm ready for things to just settle down."

Spencer leaned against the counter, looking at her. "JJ…"

She shook her head. "I'm going to head into the office for a while. I need to clear my head."

"It's Sunday." He called out, but she ignored him, shutting the door to the bedroom. He sighed and turned back to Henry, who was laying on the couch, phone still to his ear, thumb in his mouth. Spencer laid his head on the cool marble of the counters, JJ's words running in his head.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan listened to the baby's breathing. Either hadn't spoke for a while, but Henry seemed calm so she didn't want to say anything and ruin it. She held her breath, thinking about the things he had said. He wanted her to be in his life. And even if Spencer and she couldn't make it work, could she? Would JJ allow that?

"Hen?"

"Mmh." He said, softly.

"I should go."

"No, Ms. Ryan. No." There was some shuffling and Ryan held her breath.

"Ryan?" It was Spencer. She sat back in the chair before leaning forward.

"Hey." She said after a moment.

"Can we talk?"

"I'd… I'd like that."

"Okay. Let me… let me put Henry down for his nap and then, we'll talk."

"Okay," she said softly.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Is he okay?" He heard Ryan ask as Spencer's fingertips moved over the little boy's forehead. He leaned and kissed his head before moving to the living room.

"He'll be okay. What did you say to him?"

"I told him he was my best friend and that didn't change because me and you weren't…."

"Oh."

"..yeah."

There was an awkward silence and Ryan sighed.

"You know what I was thinking about?"

"Hmm?"

"Mini golf."

Spencer leaned back into the couch. "What?"

"Do you remember? It was like our second date, and you took me to play mini golf. The owner was so excited to see you."

"I played a lot as a kid."

"and the first one to get 18 holes in one."

Spencer bit at his bottom lip. "Ryan, why are we…"

Ryan sighed. "It was fun, wasn't it? We had fun."

"I think so…"

"Your ass looked really good that day." She teased and wondered if he blushed.

He did. "Ryan, we need to-"

"I realized something about you that day, when you helped me. It was kind of cliché, you know? You helping me putt?"

"Ryan."

"I'm getting to my point, just hold on. I realized you were patient and willing to try with me. And… I need that. I need you to do that again."

"But Will."

"Will's like a brother, Spencer. I'd never… I could never love someone like I love you. We just lost our baby and I… I don't want to lose you."

"You said -"

"I lied, Spencer. I just wanted you to be happy., But… I was stupid, It was stupid. I want us to work. I want you and Henry to come down here next weekend and we'll go mini-golf and we'll teach him and be patient and try. Can we try?"


	42. Chapter 42

JJ leaned her head back against the seat. She had left the house, but driving towards the office, it was the last place she wanted to be. She closed her eyes, thinking of the last few days. It had been a normal Friday and then Ryan had lost her baby. Spencer had lost his baby and his girlfriend and JJ had… tried to do her best to keep it all together. She hadn't done anything with him that night and yet, once home, she had thrown herself at him again. That wasn't her. This wasn't her at all. She was a strong, beautiful woman and he made her into… she didn't even know. She sighed before sitting up. She had to stop that. She had to get back into control of everything. Spencer Reid was attractive and amazing, but he wasn't everything. He talked too much about things that didn't matter. He didn't understand women very well - Hell, he didn't understand anyone very well. She could do better. She had done better and yet, there was something about him that made her into not a very good person. Did she really want to be that? Was the feelings that he gave her worth that? She had been happy with Will. They had worked well together, even if there wasn't that warm and fuzzy feeling Garcia talked about. She needed to talk to someone not in the story. Someone who didn't know Will and her history. Who didn't know Spencer and her history. Someone who didn't know much of anything. She smiled, thinking of the new member of their unit. He was no Spencer Reid, that was for sure, but he was helpful. She pulled out her phone, finding his number but paused before calling. She should just go back home. Henry had calmed down when she had left, but he could have gotten worse. She pocketed the phone before turning the car back on. There was only one man that meant the world to her and that was her son. She had to be there with him.

JJ made her way back home and inside to see the little boy in his room, asleep with thumb in his mouth. She smiled. She knew that she shouldn't let him get so used to sucking his thumb, but it was nice to see him do something that was normal for his age. She'd even put up with some more tantrums, but it seemed that Henry already had some reasoning and could understand why she said no. She brushed his hair out of his face and watched him as he slept. It was time for another haircut, but he was still against it - even if Spencer had cut his hair. She had thought about it too. She always liked Spencer with his hair long, but she knew her parents would be against it. Her parents, she had been ignoring them lately and her brothers. She still hadn't told them about Will or why he had left. They had loved Will.

"Mommy?" A small voice interrupted her thoughts and she looked down at the little boy, who was looking sleepy, but curious.

"Yeah, baby?"

"You mad at me?" He asked, softly and JJ shook her head, almost immediately.

"No way, little man. Why?"

"'Cause I like Ms. Ryan?"

"No, hon. I'm not mad at you for that. I know you love Ms. Ryan. She's really nice to you."

"And she really love Daddy, Mommy. She told me that we're her favorite boys."

"Oh yeah?" She ran his fingers through his hair.

"Uh huh. I'm her best friend."

JJ smiled. She had to admit, Ryan was excellent with Henry. She couldn't ask for a better woman in that regard if she had to share her son with someone. And with that, JJ realized something. Spencer had picked a really good woman, if she looked at her from other than the crazy jealous one she had been lately. Ryan was….smart and strong and… kind of annoying, but good for him. She pushed him and he had grown some with her. They fit together. Even if there were things about the woman JJ didn't like, there were things she did and the way she was with Henry was a big one. She shook away the thoughts, concentrating on the boy again. "You are, huh?"

Henry closed his eyes and nodded. "Uh huh. She told me that."

"Well you got to be a good friend to her too then, right?"

Henry opened his eyes again. "I can still call her, even if Daddy and you-"

"Of course, buddy. She needs her best friend, right?"

He smiled, sleepily. "Right!"

"Where's your daddy, buddy?"

"He talking to Ms. Ryan."

JJ nodded, rubbing the little boy's back. "Well go back to bed, and when you wake up, we'll watch a movie, okay?"

"Toy Story*?"

"Sure, buddy, now shhh." She said, rubbing his back until he fell back asleep.

After the little boy had fallen asleep, JJ went to look for Spencer. He didn't seem to be in the house so she peeked outside to find him. She spotted him, sitting in a swing, swaying a little. She made her way outside and sat next to him. She didn't speak at first, giving him the opportunity if he wanted. He didn't, it seemed, as they sat there for minutes until she shivered from the cold. The movement caused him to look at her.

"JJ, you aren't wearing a coat. it's like… 27 degrees out here."

"I noticed." She deadpanned and Spencer shrugged off his coat and handed it to her.

"Can we go inside?" She asked, pulling on the coat, gratefully, only to be bombarded by his scent. She sighed as he stared out at the yard.

"She wants to try." He said before looking back at her.

JJ nodded, pulling the coat around her tighter. "And what did you say?"

"That I'd think about it. She wants Henry and I to come out there and play mini golf."

She looked at him, confused and Spencer smiled. "We played on a date."

"Are you good?" She said, uncertain about why they'd play mini golf. That didn't seem like Spencer at all. He shrugged.

"I was the first to get a hole in one consecutively on each hole on the course."

JJ nodded. "You told her you'd think about it?"

Spencer shrugged. "She… I didn't expect that."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Spence, you love this woman."

He looked at her.

"Yeah, but… She… C'mon, Spence. This could be the one for you and… you tell her you got to think about it?"

Spencer furrowed his brow, looking at her. "I thought you…"

She sighed and got him, pacing a little before looking at him. "When I was with Will, You were happy for me, right?"

"I… respected that, I mean.. once you made your choice after Henry."

"Right. And had I been really, really happy with him, like you were with Ryan, would you have fought for me? If I was like that?"

"I -"

"Spencer, c'mon, tell me the truth."

"No, but I'm not you. I don't…believe in myself like you do. You're…. you're amazing, JJ and you should…. Have what you want."

She looked at him and he raised his eyebrows, confused at the look she was giving him. She sighed. "Why do you have to do things like that. I'm trying to fight for you and Ryan and you go and say something like that. You make it hard not to love you, you know that?" She moved and grabbed his face and he frowned.

"I'm…sorry?"

He laughed and pressed her forehead against his. "Spence… I just want you to be happy and…. She makes you happy. You should…. Give her the chance. Everyone's always left or lied to me, myself included, and she's… here and she's fighting for you. Take it. Just take it."

He raised his chin to look at her before pushing up to kiss her, standing up as his lips met, keeping them against hers. Her arms wrapped around his neck before pulling back.

"What was that for?"

"For being you. I love you, JJ."

She smiled. "But you love her more."

"Differently." He clarified before nodding. A smile coming over his face. JJ smiled and ruffled his hair.

"We will always have Henry, you know? And whether you and Ryan don't make it or you do, you and her will always have Dylan."

He looked away and JJ grabbed his face, pulling his chin to look at him. "Look at me, I know you're hurting and you don't want to talk about it, but you guys got to do that. You have to go there this weekend and talk about it and… do something to have her, you know? To remember her."

Spencer nodded, slowly.

"How do we do that though?" He asked, softly. "We have him. He's in there, sleeping. We will always be able to see him grow up and he'll…" His voice cracked and he paused, shaking his head. "We don't have anything. There's no grave… There's.. It's…. She's just…"

JJ moved closer to him feeling the wind and wrapped her arms under his arms, causing him to wrap his arms around her shoulders. "She's just gone." She heard him say as she rested his head against his chest.

"She's never gone, Spence. She'll always be a part of you."

He didn't say anything and she tugged at his shirt. "Let's go inside, before you get sick. C'mon. We'll talk some more while Henry sleeps and then we'll watch a movie, be a family…and…. Maybe you'll figure something out."

He looked down at her. "I liked you fighting for me. Is that wrong?"

She smirked at him. "You had two women, wanting you. I don't think you would be a man if you didn't like that." She winked.

"So… are you done…. Fighting for me that is?"

She lowered his eyes to her hands that fidgeted with his buttons. "I…" she paused, thinking. "I'm back to fighting with you, I guess. She makes you happy in a way that I haven't. We have our special bond that she'll never get and you two have yours that I won't get. It's… We'll figure it out as we go along, but you got to fix things first, okay? She's worth it, Spencer. You guys together are worth it. Fix things."

He looked at her as she raised her eyes with her final words before nodding. "I will."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

**Author Note: **So this chapter came out of left field. I actually planned to maybe have a JJ/Garcia scene or a JJ/...uh... what's his name? Deacon! scene. I planned on keeping the "Can we try" hangover to another update, but... this is what came out and I think (I think!) JJ redeems herself. She left (bad decision) but comes back and she's there for her son. Before anyone else (her own self included which... she hasn't really been doing in this story) and she realizes that maybe Ryan isn't that bad. I think (and who knows because jj/reid is unpredictable) that maybe we might be seeing the end of the those two together.


	43. Chapter 43

Author's Note: Let me just say one thing. Working in retail during Black Friday weekend...can kill you. Enough said.

Spencer watches as his little boy snuggles into his mother's side as they watched a cartoon. He had watched the same cartoon with Henry a few times so he couldn't really concentrate on it, but the two were better than any movie. He smiles when Henry smiles and looks up at his mom.

"Did you see that?" He asks, as excited as the first time. JJ smiles at him, eyes wide.

"I did! He's so cool, huh?"

"Yeah!" Henry turns his eyes back to the tv and JJ looks over at him, giving him a warm smile.

He smiles back before she stretches out her free arm, beconging him closer. He scoots closer and she rests her hand on his shoulder before leaning in to kiss his temple and turning back to the movie. He looks over her profile, his eyes moving over her eyes, the curve of her nose, her lips. He's in love with Ryan but he doesn't think he'll ever stop having feelings for this woman in front of him. She's beautiful, absolutely breath-taking. She must feel his eyes still on her because she turns to him again, eyebrow raised.

"You okay?" She says, quietly and he nods, eyes still on her, studying her face. She sort of frowns, watching him. She swallows hard before tearing her eyes away before glancing back at him, unable to keep them away.

"Are you sure?"

He smiles, raising his eyes to hers. "Positive." he says before looking back at the movie. JJ stares at him for a moment longer before turning back to the movie herself. A few moments later, he finds himself looking at her again.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"You!"

JJ turns to see Garcia walking towards her and gulps. "Yes?"

"My little brother loses his baby and you don't call me and tell me what's going on?"

JJ stares at her before looking around the BAU to make sure no one's listening. "How did you..."

"Hotch tells us that there's been an emergency with Spencer and you won't be in and you don't think I'm going to do some snooping? Is he okay? Is she okay? Are YOU okay? Come on, I need some deets, here!"

JJ grabs the woman's hand pulling her into her office. "It wasn't my thing to tell and yo shouldn't be hacking people's medical files. He's still mourning and doesn't want to talk about it - so don't. He's doing fine, but Ryan's really messed up about it, I think. She pushed him away, they broke up, and now she's... I don't know. He and I kissed. I shouldn't be talking about this."

"Oh, JJ. You guys can't go back to-"

"I know. I know. The night it happened, he... tried...and... I said no, but then he kissed me again and... ugh, Garcia. I feel like I'm a teenager again. It's not cool. I told him I was backing away, last night, I promised myself I was done. that I...see that they have something we don't, but then he looks at me, like he doesn't see anything else and I... melt and I just wanted to kiss him, but I can't because I just said that I - and Henry. I got to stop doing this for him. He needs both of his parents. We have to be stable for him and he loves Ryan, Pen, he LOVES-"

Garcia holds up a hand. "You're getting worse than Reid with those rambles, Jayje."

JJ sits down in her seat. "Maybe I just need to get away from all this."

Garcia raises an eyebrow. "Running away never solves anything. Last night you realized something, right? You told him you were done so...be done. Be his friend, be happy for him, and find someone that you can love just as much as you love him. If Reid can do it, so can you. You're a total hottie." Garcia teases and JJ grinned a little.

"And you're a total nerd."

"But you love me and I love you. And we can do this. Be there for him. Let him be with her if that's what he wants."

"And if he wants me? What if they can't get passed this?"

Garcia just gave her a look.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Elle looks at Ryan as she sits on her couch. "So." She starts.

"So." Ryan says, looking at her hands.

"You didn't talk to me all day and then invited yourself over. What's up?"

"I... almost kissed Will."

Elle looks amused for a brief second, but hides it. "You almost..."

"I was drunk!"

"And needing someone. Like Spencer."

Ryan glared at her. "I know I messed up. I called him and tried to fix it and he said "He'll think about it". He has to think about us getting back together."

"Ouch. I didn't think Reid had the balls to be like that. You think he's shacking up with JJ?"

Ryan just stared at her. "You're supposed to be my friend, Elle."

Elle sat next to her. "I am being your friend. I'm giving you the truth. Now you can cry about it if you need to."

Ryan leaned into the woman. "Everything hurts."

Elle wrapped her arm around the girl's shoulder. "I wish I could tell you it gets better. I really wish I could."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens


	44. Chapter 44

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the lack of updates. I had to study for finals, take my finals and then deal with after-finals bull. Now I'm all unschooled and ready to write!

* * *

He keeps himself busy when he's not lecturing. He has an assistant for the things like this, but after everything he does it himself. It gives himself to do other than think. He doesn't need to think about things - he doesn't want to. But right now, with everything in front of him, done, he doesn't know what to do. He gets up, rearranges the books on the shelves by dates published before changing into genres, last name alphabetical. When it's finished, he sits back down and decides to mess with the computer in front of him. He could always go to the BAU and have Garcia teach him something - not that he couldn't do it himself, probably even quicker than the tech could - but instead, he checks his email. He has 30 new, but one sticks out. Anna Davis, Bell Realty. He frowns, before clicking on it, staring to read. _Sorry it took me so long to response. I am more than glad to help a new family. _He reads the email quickly, feeling his heart break all over again. _Great schools for your toddler and new baby alike. _He feels his chest tighten as he stares at the four bedroom houses with pools, surrounded by academies that could be good "for a gifted child like yours" and friendly neighbors. He scrolls down to see that the realtor hadn't deleted the previous email, Ryan's. He reads that as well. Her words - _Although, at the moment, we live on separate coasts, this house - our home - will bring two amazing families together. Our immediate blended family, as well as our work families, alike. We will need a big living room for Christmas and birthday parties and having a pool would be excellent as well, if possible. - _are filled with excitement for a future she had imagined in her mind. She had seemed so ready for it all and then, what? She had pulled away from it all? Was the baby the only reason she had wanted all this? Or had she thought that he only had offered it all because of the baby? He had offered JJ to move in with him soon after he found out Henry was his too, even with Will still in the picture. But that was then. So much had happened. As he stared at the pictures, he found himself almost excited again too. He wanted that. He really wanted that. There's a knock and Spencer looked up to see JJ.

"Ready for lunch?"

He looked back down at the pictures of the houses and shook his head. JJ frowned.

"You okay?"

Spencer stared at the house on the screen. It had a big yard (with a pool) and a daycare close if Ryan decided that she wanted to put Dylan in daycare rather than a personal babysitter like JJ. Not that was a choice anymore. Ryan had miscarried. Dylan was dead. and Ryan and he... could they really try to be together. She had broken up with him because she wouldn't try to grieve with him and now... now she wanted to try? What if something bad happened again? Would she leave again? He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to think about this. He had fought for days not to think about this and here it was, in his face again. He wasn't in Vegas. He was at home and he didn't want to do anything but sit at the house with his son and JJ and pretend like everything was okay. He could do that. It was easier. It didn't hurt and this, oh, did it hurt.

He jumped when JJ touched his shoulder, pulling away. He had forgotten about her entrance. He noticed the hurt look before her eyes moved to the computer screen. Her eyes softened and he shook his head, closing the email and standing up.

"Let's go. Do we have time to stop by and get Henry?"

JJ didn't say anything at first, unsure of what to say. "You should talk about it, Spencer."

He shook his head. "Just… can we pick him up? Maybe Lily could meet us halfway."

"You lost your daughter. We can't keep pretending that it didn't happen."

He turned to look at her, a slight glare.

"You lost your daughter, Spence. You don't have to be okay. You don't have to be strong about this. That…. It isn't you."

"I'm going to call Lily to see if she'll meet us."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

JJ watched as Spencer walked out of the office. She doesn't want to leave him by his self, but she doesn't want to follow either. She sighed, sitting down at his desk. His desk here is a lot more organized than the one he had the BAU. He has pictures, two in frames, facing him, - one of her and Henry and another of the whole BAU team, Garcia in the middle in her theatre outfit and roses. Spencer looks so proud in the picture. - and one, that lays flat. She picked it up, turning it over and saw the ultrasound photo. He had scrawled "Dylan Reid" in the corner, bright silver sharpie against the black background. She set the picture back before looking up at the door. He's no where to be found. She figured he's on the phone, talking to Henry, trying to forget the other family he could have had. She doesn't have to wonder if that's why he wanted to try again with her. She knew though that he'd never forget. Not with that mind; not with his heart either. She wanted to pretend like he could; have him to herself and help him forget. She wanted to be selfish and have her family in the houses that he was just looking at. But she couldn't just forget the look in his eyes, the slight smile - although pained - on his face as his mind flickered to what could have been. She had to do something, whether it meant getting Ryan and him back together or getting him to deal with it, so he could move on.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

JJ watched as Spencer paced, talking on the phone with his son. She pulled out her phone, dialing a number, before turning away from the sight.

"Morgan."

"Derek."

A brief pause passed "JJ? Is everything okay?" His voice was different, softer.

"No. I… I need your help."

"Are you hurt? Did something happen? I swear to-"

"No, no." She turned back around to look at Spencer. She knew that he doesn't want everyone to know his business, but she couldn't help him. She sighed before starting to explain.


	45. Chapter 45

Spencer paused when he saw Morgan waiting near his door. He gave the man a strange look before unlocking his apartment door. Casually, he looked at the man.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he pulled the key from the lock, hand on the door.

"Can't I just visit a friend?" Morgan said and Spencer raised an eyebrow. Morgan sighed. "Fine, JJ wanted me to talk to you."

Spencer nodded before opening the door. "I don't need to talk, but thanks for stopping by."

Morgan put his hand on the door before the man could close it. "Reid."

Spencer stared, mutely.

"I'm not leaving. I've seen the stress JJ's been going through because of this thing with you and honestly, I can't say I like it. So we're going to talk."

Spencer leaned against the door frame, staring at the man. "You want to talk now? I've been back for weeks, Morgan, and you've barely acknowledged it. Nor did you ever call me while I was gone. It took JJ calling me to tell me you were dying to have any contact with the team-"

"You're right. Let's talk about it."

Spencer opened his mouth, trying to come up with an excuse or something, but came up with nothing. He sighed and opened the door, letting the other man in

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

They sit in silence for a few minutes, neither knowing what to say. Morgan reaches for a picture and smiles, seeing Reid with Henry.

"Man, I still can't believe he's yours."

"Me either."

"He looks like you, too. JJ's eyes, but he's yours. and smart."

Spencer nods, not knowing what to say.

"Do you think your daughter would have looked like you?"

Spencer looks up. "I don't want to talk about that, Derek."

Morgan nods, setting down the picture. "Neither do I, but I told JJ I would try to help, so...I'm trying."

"It's not necessary. I'm dealing with it."

"With drugs?"

Spencer glares at him. "No, not with drugs."

Morgan nods. "Good, good."

Another silence comes over them and Spencer shifts in his seat.

"What about Ryan? JJ says she realized her mistake and wants you to come out there. You going to go?"

Spencer's eyes shift back to the coffee table. "I don't know."

Morgan shrugs. "That's fine. Just...don't use JJ until you do. I know you guys had some thing, but obviously it's over and she still cares for you and we might be friends, but no one, not even you, can hurt one of my friends and get away with it."

Spencer looks up, locking eyes with Morgan. The man is serious and Spencer can almost hear a threat behind the man's eyes and stare. He gulps slightly, even though he knows that Morgan would never really hurt him. "I know." He says, quietly.

"Do you? Because I've seen her cry way too much this year, Spencer. She thinks we don't know what goes on in that office, but you know we do. Just like Hotch. Just like Rossi."

Reid nods. Even with the blinds down and doors closed, the offices weren't soundproof. They had heard Hotch arguing with Hayley a few times and seen Gideon, when he had occupied Rossi's office, sit and stare into the distance for hours. He nods.

"If you love Ryan, you love Ryan. Go get her back. If you don't, don't use JJ as a replacement. She's a strong beautiful woman and the mother of your child. She deserves better."

"I know." Spencer speaks again, his voice stronger, angry at Morgan for mentioning, angry that he knew that that was exactly what he was doing.

"I'm going to go see Ryan...soon, okay?"

Morgan nods, seems to think about it for a minute. "Good." He pauses. "Want to watch the game?"

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

"Daddy! Uncle Derek!" Henry ran towards his dad, who scooped up the little boy immediately. "Hi Uncle Derek! Do you want to see my turtle. Mommy and Daddy got me a turtle for Christmas! And I name him Snug! He's this big and he ends lettuce and carrots and he swims! Daddy said I can't swim yet because stata-tistics say its dangerous, but Mommy say this summer I can, even if Daddy a big scaredy cat! Ms. Lily say she would swim with me too and I told her that I take Snug into the pool too, but she say I can't. Do you think I can take Snug with me to the pool?"

Morgan looked at the little boy who stared at him before wiggling to get down. Once on his feet, he ran back to his room, calling out. "Come on! Come see Snug!"

Morgan blinked, looking at Reid, who looked amused. "He rambles when he's excited."

Morgan nodded slowly. "Definitely your kid." He muttered under his breath before following the little boy to his room.

Spencer made his way to the kitchen to see JJ washing dishes. "Hey." He said, softly.

She looked over her shoulder and smiled, slightly. "Hey."

"You sent Morgan to talk to me?"

She shrugged. "I thought maybe a man to man conversation would help."

"I'm okay, JJ." He said. "I know how to deal with this."

She gave him a look. "No one knows how to deal with this, Spence. But I know that bottling it all up and ignoring her isn't going to help."

"I'm going to go see her."

She straightened up a little. "Oh. Well... Good then."

He noticed her look down at her hands before she nods, turning back to the dishes. He saw the slight disappointment flash into determination. Unsure of what to say, he stands there before fidgeting. "Okay, then."

"Dinner's in the oven. Will you go get Henry ready. He was outside. He needs to watch his hands and after, you can give him his bath. Someone decided to give him some candy today." JJ looked over her shoulder at her last words, giving him a slightly annoyed, but amused smile which he returns.

"He said please!" He said, slightly relieved that some of the tension was gone.


	46. Chapter 46

Ryan sighed as she listened to Elle clanking dishes and pans together.

"He didn't even call. He said he might come, but... he didn't even call to say he wasn't coming. He's ignoring my calls."

She turned to look at Elle who shrugged.

"I don't know Ryan. He hasn't answered my calls either and sure as hell hasn't answered Will's."

Ryan rested her head on the back of the couch. "This sucks, Elle."

Elle didn't say anything, concentrating on the food and Ryan sat, thinking, trying to figure out how she had gotten here.

"I miss him, Elle. I miss him so much and... being pregnant. I just... How did this happen? I just want my family back." She sniffled.

Elle made her way over to the woman, sitting next to her before Ryan lost it. Elle wrapped an arm around her friend, forgetting about the food. The younger woman cried in her arms until she exhausted herself and Elle led her to the room to sleep.

Sighing, Elle made her way to the kitchen, cleaning up the now burnt food before pulling out her phone, dialing Reid. Two rings, then voicemail. She sighed.

"Look, chico, you need to stop this. You're not the only one that lost a baby here. She was hurting. She went out with a friend. That's all that happened. So get over it and be here for her. She's falling apart, Spencer, and you're the only one that can fix it. You're the only one that understands." She sighed again, rubbing her head.

"Just call her." She said softly, before biting at her lip. She wasn't one to beg, but she couldn't handle her friend like this. She knew what it was like to hurt and be alone. "Please?"

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Henry rested his head on his dad's chest as he started to nod off.

"Daddy?"

"Mmhmm?" Spencer said, softly, rocking the boy as his fingers moved through the litle boy's unruly hair.

"Why you mad at Ms. Ryan?"

"I'm not mad at her, buddy."

"You don't love her now."

"I do too, Hen, it's just...some bad things happened."

"You lost a baby."

"What?" Spencer said, looking down at him.

"Mommy thought I nap, but I go get juice and hear her. She said you lost a baby."

Spencer licked his lips, trying to think of the right thing to say. "Yea, buddy. You were going to have a sister, but she got sick in Ryan's tummy and..." He couldn't finish his sentence, emotion taking away his voice.

Henry looked up, thumbs his mouth. He reached out and touched his dad's cheek, seeing him crying. Pulling his thumb out of his mouth, he pouted a little confused.

"No cry, Daddy. No cry." When that didn't work, he hugged his dad. "I don't need a sister, Daddy."

Spencer wrapped his arms around the little boy, trying to stop the tears, but seemingly unable. Henry wiggled out of the grip before running to his mom.

"Mommy! Mommy! Daddy hurt, Daddy hurt!"

Both Morgan and JJ looked up from their conversation before they jumped up, rushing to the little boy's room. Morgan paused at the door as JJ made her way towards him, cupping his cheek as the man sobbed.

Morgan watched for a second as JJ tried to sooth him before he leaned over to scoop up the little boy. "Come on, buddy. JJ will help him. Let's go... watch cartoons."

Henry's eyes didn't move from his parents. "But Daddy need me, Uncle Derek

Morgan rubbed the little boy's back. "Mommy's got it, it's okay." He said, walking into the living room to give the two some privacy.

"She died, JJ. She died. She died."

JJ felt her eyes prick with tears as she hugged the man towards her. "I know, Spence, I know."

"How," He hiccuped, "how can I look at her and not see... I can't. I can't do it. I can't face her. I wanted to be there and she pushed and I... now. Now, she...she needs me and I can't- I can't -" He sobbed.

JJ ran her fingers through his hair, letting him cry it out, her own tears blinding her vision. "It's okay, baby, it's okay."

**Criminal Minds || What Happens**

Henry looked at his mom as he comes back in. "Daddy okay?"

"He's sleeping."

Henry wiggled out of Derek's lap before walking up to his mom. "I go sleep with him, Mommy. I keep him safe now."

JJ smiled, sadly, ruffling his hair, before leaning over to kiss his head. "Okay, buddy. I'll be in there later."

He nodded before making his way to his mother's bedroom.

Morgan looked at her before rubbing his hands together. "Is he okay, really?"

She nodded before sitting down with a sigh. "I can't even... how did we get here?"

Morgan shrugged. "He's dealing with it now, right. That's good."

"He says he's going to see her, but..." She shakes her head. "I don't think he will. I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen. Elle called me. Ryan's falling apart and..." She rubbed her forehead.

Morgan reached out and touched her shoulder. "It's not your job to take care of him, Jay."

She looked at him with a sigh, before leaning into him as he wrapped his arm around her. He rested his head on hers as she closed her eyes, exhausted. "Why don't you go to bed and I'll clean up before letting myself out?"

She shook her head. "I can't let you do that, Derek. I can do it."

"It's not a problem. I do the dishes all the time."

She sighed as he moved and stood up, reaching out for her. "Go to bed, Let me take care of it."

She looked at him and gave him a small smile. "Emily's making you domestic."

His lips quirk into a slight smirk. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

She reached out to grab his hand and stood up, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Sure you don't. Thank you, Derek."

He kissed the side of her head. "You do too much, JJ. For us, for him. You need to relax some, take some time for yourself."

She nods before pulling away. "Good night, Derek."


	47. Chapter 47

Spencer rubbed his eyes as he walked into the kitchen. Lily looked up and smiled.

"Hey Dr. Reid."

"What time is it?"

"Almost 12. Ms. Jareau headed in early. She told me not to wake you, that she'd get Emily to do your lectures for the day. She said that you should spend the day with Henry."

Spencer sat down and frowned. "Where is Henry?"

"He and Jack are outside with Ms. Brooks. I was just making some sandwiches."

He nodded, playing with the napkin. He could feel the woman's eyes on him.

"You okay, Dr. Reid?"

He nods, but her eyes are still on him. She sighs and moves towards him.

"I lost a baby once." She says, quietly, as she cuts the sandwiches into triangles.

They both raise their eyes to look at each other. Him, questing. Hers, sad.

"I was 16. I didn't want it, but…" She shrugs, looking back at the sandwiches. "I felt…like I couldn't even do what my body was made to do. I felt useless and… I don't know. I just…what I'm trying to say is…"

"DADDY!" Henry came running in and jumped up and down, waiting for the man's attention. "Jack's here, daddy! Jack's here!"

He tears his eyes away from Lily to look at the little boy. "Yeah, I see. Hi Jack."

Jack gave him a half smile and a wave as he moved closer to his aunt's leg. "Hi, Mister Reid."

"I have sandwiches." Lily said. "Let's all go to the living room and watch some cartoons, alright."

"Daddy too?"

"Daddy too." Lily nodded as the little boys moved to the couch. Spencer watched as Lily followed.

"Hi Jessica."

Jessica smiled at him. "Hello, Dr. Reid."

"How's Jack doing?"

"He still has the occasional nightmare, but I think spending time with Henry is helping him. He really likes Lily too."

"She's definitely something." He said, looking at her.

"Come on, Aunt Jessie! The penguins are on!" Jack called out and Jessica nodded before looking back at Reid.

Lily came back. "Juice." She said as Jessica made her way into the living room.

Spencer looked back at Lily. "What did you want to say?" He asked, softly.

Lily turned from the fridge to look at him. "I was going to say that I was young and I didn't have someone like you and that maybe if I did, I would have…handled it better. Someone who could be there with me when it hurt. Someone to talk to when I couldn't sleep and couldn't eat."

"LILY! JUICE!" Henry cried out.

"What do you say, Mister?" She called out.

"PLEAAAASEE!" He called back and Lily smiled at Reid. "I hope you don't find what I'm saying invasive. I really do love your son and this job and I don't mean to sound like-"

Spencer shook his head. "No, no. It's fine. Thank you."

Lily touched his shoulder before taking the boys their drinks.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Elle watched Ryan as the younger woman stared at the pictures on the screen.

"We'll be leaving at 11, don't be late." Grey said and everyone started to move except for Ryan, who had cast her eyes down at her folder, picking at it.

Elle was about to say something when her phone buzzed. She pulled it out to see her called ID, Reid. She answered, walking out of the room.

"Hey sexy."

Spencer coughed. "What?"

Once in the elevator, Elle closed the doors immediately. "What the hell is going on with you, Reid? You say you might come see her and then you don't even call to say you aren't? That's a totally douche-y move, even more douche-y than I thought you could become, because the whole sleeping with JJ thing while she was with Will - kind of a douche move."

"I… I deserve that."

"You… You're damn right you do. What the hell are you doing, Spencer? I understand why you started to do drugs and I get how what happened to you lead to your messed up relationship with JJ, but… this. This is… leaving the woman you love because she made a stupid mistake?"

"She broke up with me."

"She pushed you and you gave up, you stupid, stupid boy."

"She… what?"

"Come on, chico. You can't be that dumb. She's lost all her family and she loses someone else, so the one thing she's got left, she feels like she's going to lose again, so she pushes you away. You were supposed to fight for her, now go off and screw JJ!"

"I… she told me she wanted me to go so…I…"

"And then she called you and told you to come back, that she needed you and you were too busy playing house with JJ?"

"She's the mother of my-"

"So is Ryan! And Ryan understands your messed up relationship with JJ - something that I don't even understand - and you're just…. Being stupid! You need to get your ass here and fight for the best thing in your life right now. She loves you. She loves Henry She understands the job and even, respects JJ. Sorry to tell you but that doesn't come around everyday. Stop messing around, Spencer."

There was a long silence before she heard Spencer sigh. "But what about me? It hurts."

"It hurts? No shit, it hurts, Spencer! You…." Elle breathed out, rubbing her forehead. "After everything we've seen and done and you can't handle this? For her? I get you hurt. I can't even imagine how much it hurts, but she's hurting too. And you can help each other. Just…It doesn't have to be this way, Reid. Just do the right thing."

The elevator dinged and opened to Ryan. She raised an eyebrow, before looking slightly amused. "Get lost, Elle?"

Elle cleared her throat. "Gotta go, baby doll. You better be at my place when I get home."

Ryan smirked. "Bye Vencey! You better listen to her!"

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Daddy!" Henry screamed and hugged his dad's leg. "Ms. Lily say Mommy got to fight the bad guys tonight, so I go home with you! Me and Snug!"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"Uh huh. We have pizza for dinner?"

Lily snorted and Spencer looked up to see her carrying laundry. "Do you ever cook, Dr. Reid?"

"No. Daddy get me Pizza and Chinese and McNuggets! Daddy feed me gooood food, Ms. Lily."

Spencer flushed. "Not all the time…We have…Ryan always cooked."

"Ms. Ryan! Can we call Ms. Ryan, Daddy? I tell her about Jack coming over!"

Spencer looked at Lily who was watching them, her eyebrows raising at his look. He licked his lips.

"We could call her, yeah."

Lily smiled and nodded at him before walking back to the laundry room.


	48. Chapter 48

Ryan sits in the middle of her bed, files surrounding her. It's something she learned from working with Spencer. She likes being able to see everything, trying to make connections that he would make. She nearly jumps out of her skin when her phone buzzed, answering it without checking the called id.

"Williams."

"Ms. Ryan!"

She paused before smiling. "Mini, hey buddy!"

"Ms. Ryan, guess what I did today?"

"I don't know buddy, tell me."

"Jack came and play with me! Ms. Brooks say that he had a free day from school, so he could play with me and we played and he taught me what he learning in school. I count to 10 now!"

"Oh yeah? You're only two, you can't count to 10!"

"I can too, Ms. Ryan! One, Two, Three-" She giggled at his excitement and pronunciation. It had only been a few days, but she had missed hearing his voice.

"-Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, TEN!"

"Whoa, buddy! You're so smart."

He sighed. "Yeah, I smart. Like Daddy. My sister woulda been real smart too, huh, Ms. Ryan?"

Ryan feels her heart literally stop at the boys words. "What?"

He sighed, sadly. "Daddy tell me. My sister get sick in your tummy. But he get really, really sad, so I can't talk about it." the little boy finishes in a rushed whisper.

"Oh." She croaked out.

"You okay, Ms. Ryan? I didn't make you really sad too, did I? I Sorry!"

She sniffs, trying to control her emotions. "No, buddy. I'm…" She clears her throat. "I'm okay. You just shocked me. I didn't know …Daddy told you…. That's all."

"Yeah. He cry lot. I think he miss you, Ms. Ryan. I miss you so much. I tell Mommy that we go see you, but she say that's daddy's choice. But I miss you. You sing to me and you make better food than Daddy."

Ryan wipes her eyes as she listens. "How is he?" She asks, softly and Henry sighs.

"He sad and he hug me too tight sometimes now. I think…" He pauses before she hears him talking. "I don't wanna bath, daddy! I talking. No!" He huffs. She hears Spencer's muted words until Henry speaks again. "Fine, Daddy. I bath….. But Snug bath too? I bath with Snug, Daddy!"

When he comes back, he continues where he left off. "He misses you, Ms. Ryan. Cause you my sister's mommy even though she….went to heaven, right?

"Right."

"But you say that even though people go to heaven, we still talk to them, right?"

"Yeah,"

"Cause you talk to your parents. So… you still her mommy and Daddy still her daddy, so I be her brother."

"yeah, buddy. You're still her big brother."

He sighs. "I wish I got to see her."

"Me too, buddy, me too."

"But Ms. Ryan? If you were her mommy and she my sister….that means you like my mommy too, right? My other mommy?"

"I…uh…"

"my other mommy. I like that. You be my other mommy, kay? Because you my sister's mommy and you love daddy. Ms. Lily say that she has two mommies and two daddies, because her mommy and daddy got really mad at each other, but Mommy and Daddy not mad at each other, Daddy just love you and Mommy loved Papa, but Papa gone, but…. Maybe Mommy love someone else and they be my new Papa, but I don't need 'nother Daddy. I don't need another Mommy too, but I love you and you love Daddy and…. Daddy love you, so…" He finishes his ramble with a sigh. "I call you Mama Ryan instead Ms. Ryan?"

Ryan opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't.

"I ask Daddy, okay? Hold on, Ms. Ryan."

She sits and waits before the door opens and in walks Elle. The older woman stares at her, confused.

"Reid?" She mouths.

"Henry. He… He…He's asking Spencer if he can call me Mama."

Elle's eyebrows shoot up. "What?"

"I…He…he knows." She whispers, hoarsely. "Spencer told him."

Elle looks even more shocked. "What?"

"He said…. That even though 'his sister is in heaven that I'm her mom so in a sense I am his other mom….so.. He wants to call me… This is bad, isn't it? This… this… is… Jj's going to kill me. Spencer's going to die. He doesn't even love me anymore and Henry's-"

"Ryan?" It's not Henry who answers and Ryan's eyes widen.

"Spencer?" Her voice comes out in a half whisper- half cry.

"Henry just came into the bathroom, asking me if he could call you Mom….. I…what were you guys talking about?"

"Dylan." She chokes on the name. Hearing his voice after so long and with everything that had just happened.

There's silence before he speaks again. "What he say?"

She explains and he doesn't speak but she swears she hears him sniffle. He clears his throat a moment later.

"Well…I don't know if that would be a good idea. I mean, JJ and….everything."

"I understand."

"But you mean a lot to him and you should be in his life, no matter what."

"And I want to, Spencer. I love him too. He is like…. He's all I got left."

There's a long silence and Ryan knows she's upset him or angered him.

"I'm so-" She starts, stopping when she hears him start as well.

"That's not true." He says almost a whisper. She holds her breath, waiting for him, not wanting to push.

"You'll always have me, Ryan. This is just… This is just so hard."

"I wish you were here. I can't sleep unless I take something or I cry myself to exhaustion. I… I keep thinking about what we were and how we were going to be a family and I feel like I messed that all up. This is all my fault, Spencer. I couldn't-"

"It's not your fault."

"She crying, Daddy?" She hears in the background. "Tell her I love her. You love her."

She holds her breath as she hears him talking to Henry for a brief second.

"Ryan?"

"Uh huh?" She can't help but hope he listens to his son, desperately wanting to hear the words.

"I… The water's running for Henry's bath, so I… I mean, I should get in there. He's taking his clothes off and I don't want him to get in and drown, so…"

"Right. You should get going then."

"…..I'll call you back after he's in bed… if you'd… if that's okay."

"Yeah… I'm, I'll be here."

"Okay. Good."

There's a long pause before she laughs at the awkwardness. "You should get going, he's probably going to try and put Snug into the bathtub."

"Right! Right! I'll talk to you later."

"I…Bye."

"Bye."

The phone beeps, ending the call and Ryan lets out a long breath. "He's going to call me back." She says, before looking at Elle, a grin coming over her face. "He's going to call me!"

Elle watches her before rolling her eyes, making her way into the bathroom to shower.


	49. Chapter 49

"Daddy we call Mama Ryan back now?" Henry asks as he gets under the covers, the light of Snug's aquarium leaving a glow on his face.

"I… We'll call her tomorrow. And I don't think you should be calling her that, Henry. She's…"

"But Daddy, my sister was in her tummy. She her mommy, so she my mommy too."

"Henry, she'd only be your mother, if we got married, then she'd be your step mother, just because she was going to have-"

"Then marry her, daddy!"

"I…" He shakes his head, unsure of what to say before opening his mouth and shutting it again, still unsure. "How about we call Ms. Ryan instead?"

"Yeah!" Henry says, holding his hands out for the phone.

"But first, you got to promise me not to say anything like that to her, okay? Daddy… I'm not going to marry any one any time soon, okay?"

"But-"

Spencer raises his eyebrows and Henry sighs, rolling his eyes. "Okay, daddy. I promise."

Spencer nods and dials the number.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Elle jumps at Ryan's squeal. "Jesus, Ryan."

"He's calling back! Look!" She waves the phone before sitting back on the bed, trying to get calm before she answers. "Hello?"

Elle rolls her eyes, turning back to her files, muttering under her breath.

"Hi, Ma-" He pauses. "Ms. Ryan." Henry said, the pout in his voice evident.

"Hey, mini." Ryan leans back in her bed, trying not to sound too disappointed. "Isn't my favorite little boy supposed to be in bed, by now?"

He giggles. "I am in bed, Ms. Ryan! I callin' to say goodnight."

"Ooh, yeah?" She smiles at his tone.

He sighs again and she hears him settling into bed. "Yeah, you sing to me?"

"I'd love to sing to you, mister."

"Daddy, she sing to me. You hear too? Hold on, Ms. Ryan, Daddy need to lay down and hear it too. You like when Ms. Ryan sings to us, huh, Daddy? He shake his head yes, Ms. Ryan!"

"He did, huh? Are my boys ready for bed now?" She asks before frowning, wondering if she should say that now.

"Yeah, Daddy laying here too. Tell her, daddy, you ready."

"I'm ready." She hears Spencer say and she sighs.

"What do you want me to sing?"

"Our song!" He say, "With the funny words."

"It's Georgian. It's a different language." She explains, feeling the need to for such the smart little boy.

"Like Aunt Emmy?" She frowns at his question, before remembering Spencer talking about how one of his team mates spoke Russian. Emily had been the one that wasn't so 'team JJ' during their first encounter, she notes.

"Yeah, like Aunt Emm-Emily, it's a different language though. Russian."

"Oh." He sighed. "You sing now?"

"I'll sing now."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Ryan?" It's Spencer. "He's asleep."

"Good, I'm glad."

"Yeah, putting him to bed lately has been…. He missed you."

"I missed him." She wants to tell him that she missed him as well, but bites her tongue.

Spencer clears his throat after a few minutes of silence. "He wanted to call you."

Ryan wasn't sure if Spencer was talking about himself or Henry anymore.

"Oh?" She says, quietly.

"Yeah, he…he…." He pauses for a brief second, "_I_ didn't know what to say, or if I even wanted to talk to you again…because of…"

"Dylan?"

She hears him breath out at the name. "Yeah. And you pushed me away."

"That was a mistake, Spence-"

"-You gave up when things got hard and I've had that-"

"You left, Spencer. You left and went back to JJ and who knows what you-"

"Because you-"

"Stop." She says, cutting him off before rubbing her forehead. "This is ridiculous, Spencer. We both made mistakes and we can move on from that, can't we? I was… I need you." She said softly, feeling Elle's eyes shift to her. "I made a mistake when I pushed you away and I don't blame you for leaving. I was scared, I lost our little girl and… I knew that I was going to lose you eventually too and I just wanted some-"

"Control. I understand. But then Will-"

"Nothing happened with Will, Spence. Nothing would ever happen with Will. I'm in love with you."

"But you called and said-"

"I was drunk, Spencer. Very, very drunk."

There's a long pause. "I don't know how to deal with this."

Ryan closes her eyes. "I do. I can…We can help each other. Just…. Come see me. You and Henry, and…. We'll…We can try and fix this. I really want to fix this, Spence. I don't want to lose you."

"Henry said after he found out about the baby, after I broke down… that it was okay, because his sister was with your mom and daddy and they were taking care of her."

She smiled. "You think so?"

"I didn't question him. I…If she is, she's in good hands, right?"

"The best. They raised me, didn't they?"

She hears his chuckle and smiles. "I love you, Spence."

There's a long silence and she holds her breath. "I love you too, Ryan."

She smiles. "I love you too."

They talk for a few minutes before he excuses himself. When Ryan hangs up, she turns to Elle, who is laying with her arm over her face.

"If you squeal again, I'm going to shoot you." She mutters.

"But he-"

Elle removes her arm to look up at Ryan. "I heard. He still loves you, which is exciting and I won't make fun of you for acting like a teenager, but if you squeal again like a dying cat, I will. Shoot. You. Understood?"

Ryan pouted. "Can I happy dance?"

Elle raised an eyebrow, looking at her, amused. "Sure, chica."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

JJ tapped her pen against the press release before someone set a cup of coffee in front of her. Looking up, she sees Morgan smiling at her.

"Hey." She says.

"How are you?"

"Fine. Spencer's taking care of Henry. Lily called this morning so I could talk to Henry and he couldn't stop talking about Ryan, guess he called her last night or something…and…. We still have no idea who our suspect is."

"I thought the two first things were good."

She rubs her head. "They are, they are. I'm sorry. I'm stressing out. The media's going crazy and wanting answers, we can't get a decent profile on this guy. Deacon's….Deacon, I just wish…"

"We had Reid?"

She made a face and Morgan grinned at her. "I miss working with him too, but we'll get this guy. BabyGirl's working on the tech stuff, you can talk down the press. Rossi and Presley are out interviewing what could be a lead. We just got to wait and see the pieces come together. They always do."

"Henry called her Mama Ryan to me. He fixed it, but… he called her Mama." JJ confesses after his little speech, causing Morgan's eyebrows to raise before he sits on the edge of the desk. JJ looks up at him.

"Don't profile me, I see that look."

He raises his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, I was just going to say….I don't know what I was going to say. This is more of a girl talk situation, I think."

She laughs. "Thanks, Derek."

"but, Hey, from what I've seen from her, though, she seems to love Henry and Reid, both and if her and Reid are going to fix things then…it was going to happen eventually, right?"

"Yeah, but…"

"And didn't you 'forget' to tell a specific genius that Henry shared his DNA and have the boy call someone else 'dad' for the first two years."

JJ opens her mouth before closing it, unsure of what to say. Derek winks at her before sliding off the desk when he sees Rossi and Deacon enter.


	50. Chapter 50

"You look happy." Will assesses as Ryan makes her way inside the police station.

She grins and Elle rolls her eyes. "Don't get her started."

Ryan suppresses the urge to stick out her tongue at the woman before looking back to Will. "Spencer called me last night."

Will tries not to look so amused at Ryan's teenage gushing. "Oh?"

"Yep."

Elle looked at her. "You're not going to tell him how Spencer told you he loved you? Or how Henry called you mom? Or the fact that you didn't sleep all night because you were too busy wondering what excuse you could make to call him again today or how to get him to visit, what you were going to wear, between the low-cut blue shirt or the red tank?"

Will snorts at Elle's words. "Someone didn't sleep very well, did they?"

Ryan looks at Elle and shakes her head. "You really should have your morning cup of coffee before you start conversations, Elle. You're worse than Spencer."

Elle looks between the two, before glaring and walking inside the department, muttering in Spanish.

Will laughs before looking at the woman. "Seriously, though? I'm glad you guys are working things out. I'm sorry that…my attempt to help…got in the way."

Ryan shakes her head. "It didn't, Will. You were just being a friend and I…." She shrugs. "We're talking again, that's all that matters."

"You could ask him about the case."

"Huh?"

"An excuse to call. I'm sure Elle wasn't making all that stuff up….or any." He winks before walking in the station, leaving Ryan to slightly blush and follow.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer walks into his apartment to see Lily and Henry on the couch, watching tv and a phone to Henry's ear. He's describing everything about the show and Spencer looks at Lily for understanding.

"Telling JJ what's happening on today's Sesame Street."

He nods, before setting his keys down.

"Oh! Mommy! Daddy Home! Daddy, Mommy want to talk to you!"

Spencer takes the phone as he continues to walk into his office to put up his bag, where Henry can't get to it. Both JJ and Spencer learned that lesson last time.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

Spencer waits for her to continue and when she doesn't, he frowns. "Everything okay? How's the case going?"

"We got a lead today and Garcia's pulling up the information to see if it links back to the guy."

He nods. "Good, good."

"Yeah." There's a long pause. "So Henry tells me he spoke to Ryan."

"Yeah, he was missing her and… well, you know how she sings to him before bed and the bible stuff, so…"

"Yeah, he loves his Mama Ryan."

Spencer bites at his bottom lip before sitting at his desk. "I was going to tell you about that. I told him not to, but you know how-"

"Spence." She interrupts and he stops talking, twisting slightly in his chair.

"If Ryan was still… If none of this stuff would have happened, she would have been a permanent fixture in your life, right?"

"Of course, just like you and Henry will always-"

"and you love her, still, I mean, even after everything."

"We… We still have a lot to discuss, but-"

"But you still love her?"

"Yes." he says, quietly.

"Then…" She sighs. "I don't like it. I don't like it all. And the fact that you guys hadn't…haven't?.. been together long just makes me…I don't want him to get attached to another person whose just going to walk out of-"

"She's not going to walk out of his life, JJ. She loves him as if he was her own."

JJ makes a sound he doesn't know how to interpret.

"She's not going to walk away."

"Yeah, well Will loved him like he was his own too, and look what happened with that." She says, bitterly and Spencer doesn't know what to say.

"Have you heard from him?" He asks, quietly and hears her sigh.

"He called about a couple days ago, making sure he was okay, but Henry was asleep and his calls are so rare that I didn't want to excite him, just in case, you know? He says he's got his old job back and… everything is settling down. He'd like to see Henry, but… it just doesn't….feel like he means it."

"He's still struggling?"

She sort of laughs at that. "You always use that word, you know? Rarely do you admit you were an addict, or anyone close is an addict. Isn't that a step or something?"

"I didn't go through the 12 steps, I don't believe in a 'higher power.' and I….admit that I had a problem."

"But not that you're an addict."

"I'm not an addict."

"Once an addict, always an addict, Spence."

Spencer doesn't say anything for a few seconds. "Is Will still drinking?"

"He says he's going to weekly meetings at a local church."

"That's good, maybe he is trying."

"I don't want for Henry to.."

"I know."

"and this Ryan thing just… if she… if you guys are serious and… I don't mind him calling your _wife_…" She sighs, frustrated. "Can't she just be Aunt Ryan?"

"I'm sure he would find that illogical."

JJ laughs. "Damn you and your passed on intelligence."

His lips quirk into a smile. "I'm sorry?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Anyway, about this…Mom thing. I just… I don't think it's wise of him to call anyone by such an important name unless either of us is really serious about someone, you know? Like engaged-serious. I don't want another Will situation. For his wellbeing, not… not because I don't like Ryan, because I do, and you know that, right? I mean, I didn't. I hated her, but…"

"You're rambling." He teases.

"Shut up."

He laughs.

"Daddy! Elmo's World is on and that's Mommy's favorite part. I talk now?"

Spencer nods as Henry's bottom lip juts out. "Henry wants to talk."

"Did he say please?"

"What do you say, Henry?"

Henry sighs. "Can I please talk to Mommy, Daddy?"

He hands the phone over and Henry's eyes flash as his little hands grab at it, already talking about the red furry thing that resembled nothing that Spencer knew of.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Do you need help with dinner?" Lily asks as she stuffs her bag with the necessary day items, before she looks up at Spencer.

"I can cook, you know." He says, staring at the back of a box. "It's chemistry, simply."

Lily smiles. "And you are a chemist, aren't you, Dr. Reid?"

He nods, eyebrows scrunched as he reads the recipe. "Organic Chemistry, yes."

"And yet, you look a little confused on how to make macaroni and cheese."

Spencer tears his eyes away from the box. "What?"

Lily smiles. "Nothing, nothing."

He stares at her for a second before his eyes flash. "1802."

"What?" Lily is the one who is now confused.

He grins. "The first box recipe appeared in 1802. It was for macaroni and cheese. I couldn't remember the year at first. The recipe was actually printed on the sheet of paper found in the box surrounding the pasta."

Lily nods, closing her book bag. "Right. Good night, Dr. Reid."

"Oh Lily?"

She turns at the door. "Yes sir?"

"Do you still…feel like… you did?"

"When I… when that happened to me?" She says, her eyes shifting over to Henry whose watching the tv and them.

Spencer nods and she shrugs. "Sometimes, but I have a great guy in my life now, who made me realize that…" she pauses, trying to find the right words, appropriate for listening ears. "evolutionary, I might be made for that, but emotionally and as a whole, I'm much more…you know? If it happens again, god forbid, I don't… well, I would be as devastated, but…I know he would be there, we could get through it and it makes the chance of trying, someday,…easier."

"This guy…. Is he… you know I could have Garcia run him to make sure-"

She raises an hand with a slight smile. "There's no need. He's never commited a crime and plus, he's mastering in forensic anthropology. Wants to be like Bones."

"Bones?" Spencer asks confused.

"Yeah, Bones…the tv show?"

Spencer's eyebrows furrow and Lily shakes her head. "Never mind, Dr. Reid. I should be going though, I have a paper, maybe we can talk about this tomorrow?"

He nods, still looking a little perplexed. Lily smiles before waving to Henry, blowing him a kiss in which Henry returns.

"Bye, Ms. Lily!"

"Bye little genius."

Spencer joins Henry on the couch after Lily exits. "Do you know who Bones is?"

"A sesame street character?" Henry asks and shrugs, in which Spencer shrugs as well, watching the show with his son for a moment.


	51. Chapter 51

He wakes up to the lock clicking and gets out of bed in time to see JJ entering his apartment. He smiles, sleepily.

"What time is it?"

"Early. Right after we hung up, Garcia called and we ended up getting him within the hour. Hotch wanted to get back to Jack."

Spence nods, still half asleep. "I talked to Henry about the Mom thing."

JJ sets down her keys, sitting on the couch and Spencer follows, much less gracefully. He's even more clumsy when he's tired, JJ notes. "Yeah?"

"I told him as much as he loves her and she loves him that it's very special to call someone that and that you have to be sure that they're always going to be in your life, because that's what a real parent is."

"And what he say?"

He leans against the armrest. "That Ryan did promise that she was always going to be in his life and that she is special."

She smiles. "And what did you say?"

He shrugs. "It frustrates me that I find it hard to win an argument with my own son."

She laughs at that. "Welcome to the club."

"I told him that it would hurt your feelings and he should talk to you about it later."

JJ rolls her eyes. "Thanks, Spence. When he asks for a car or if he can date, are you going to tell him to ask his mother, too?"

He thinks about it for a second before nodding. "Yeah."

"You're giving him the sex talk, though."

Spencer makes a face before JJ leans into him with a sigh. Spencer shifts slightly, his arm moving to tug her closer as he finds a comfortable spot in between the couch and her weight.

"I sometimes forget he's only two." She says, softly. "He's so smart. He knows so much."

"He likes Elmo, though. That's a toddler show."

She smiles. "Yes, he likes Elmo, but he loves Big Bird, because he asks lots of questions."

She turns to see Spencer smile. "He's a scientist already."

"As long as he's not a lawyer."

"Hotch is a lawyer. Even Morgan has a law degree."

"Yes and Hotch is too serious and Morgan never once used his, other than for the BAU."

She feels Spencer shift under and assumes he shrugged again before she feels his arm wrap around her torso.

"Maybe he'll be a doctor. Like a pediatrician or something."

"He told me he wants to be a marine biologist."

JJ smiles. "Works for me."

"CalTech has a-"

"He's not going to CalTech. It's too far."

She hears him huff behind her but snuggles into him regardless. "Plus, by the time he's in college, he might not even be into marine biology."

"If it follows my educational timeline, that's only in 10 years."

"I don't think we should let him skip so many grades. I want him to have some normalcy, Spence."

"But if he's bored in class, he's more likely to misbehave."

"But I don't want him to be 12 and a junior, It's just…. You were picked on so much as a kid and-"

"and we won't allow that. My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic who didn't know that I was being bullied. Henry has both his parents who are federal agents and will be paying close attention to how their son is being treated in his classes."

JJ turns to him, laying closer against him. "What are you going to do, Spence? Threaten to call the Board of Education?"

"Maybe. Or at least pull him out of school. It's not like I don't have the intelligence to teach him myself."

She smiles and plays with the collar of his shirt. "That's not very normal."

"Well neither is getting tortured by your fellow classmates."

She nods and kisses his cheek, seeing how this was affecting him. "You're right. We'll just have to wait and see, okay? We'll try to keep him as normal as we can and if we can't, then we can't."

He nods and tightens his grip around her. "I want him to experience all the normal things to JJ. I want him to be able to… be in band or sports and go to prom. I remember how excited everyone around me was about those things. I want him to have a real relationship before he's in college. I don't want him to be so much like me."

She rests her head on his chest, hand snaking up under his shirt to move against his side.

"I know, Spence, but he is, isn't he? Ryan calls him Mini for a reason. We'll make sure he's okay and safe. We'll do the best we can…together."

He kisses the top of her head. "Thank you."

She nods against his chest before a comfortable silence surrounds them. She can feel his chest rising and falling as he breathes start to slow and looks up. She smiles, seeing he's asleep and wonders if she should get up and head home with Henry or continue to lay there. She starts to move when Spencer's arm tightens around her. She pauses and lays back against him.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Da-MOMMY!" Henry runs towards them as JJ opens her eyes in time to stop him from jumping.

"Shh, Daddy's sleeping." She says, removing her hands from under the older man's shirt. She shifts against him before holding her hands out. "Come here, baby."

Henry grins and gets on the couch with his parents. "Missed you, Mommy."

"I missed you too, little man."

"You got the bad guy?"

"We sure did."

Henry snuggles in between his parents and nods. "Good, mommy."

"You need a haircut, sweetie."

Henry pouts. "No, I be like Daddy."

"Well, what if Daddy cuts his hair too?" JJ asks and Henry starts to think about it.

"Like Mama Ryan cut it?"

JJ bites at her lip. "Like Ms. Ryan cut it, yes." She corrects and Henry notices.

"Mommy, I talk to Ms. Ryan yesterday, remember?"

"Yeah, I know. You've been missing her, huh?"

"Yeah, daddy not let me call for 10 days, Mommy."

"I know, buddy, remember I said that they needed some time apart?"

"Yeah, but Daddy let me call and I talk to her about my sister."

JJ nods. She still couldn't believe he had overheard that. "And?"

"And she misses her, mommy, like Daddy and Daddy need me more now, so Ms. Ryan need me too."

"Okay…" JJ said, not understanding.

"And Daddy happy when I call him Daddy, because I his son and he miss his girl-son."

"daughter." JJ corrects.

"Yeah. So I call Ryan Mama and she be happy too! Because her daughter in heaven, but she still have me, like Daddy have me."

JJ ruffles his hair. "I love you, little man, but calling someone mama is very special. What if you call her Mom and then Daddy marries someone else."

"But Daddy marry Ms. Ryan, I know it!"

"But what if he doesn't?"

"Then she gotta like my mommies."

JJ smiles at him. She couldn't seem to win either. "But, Henry.."

"But Mommy! I love Ms. Ryan. She help me and she need me and…and… she help me grow up. She sing me to sleep and she make me chocolate waffles and make sure I safe. She keep me safe from the bad guys and when I got bad dreams. She like you and Daddy, Mommy. She my mommy too. She say she always be there like You! And…and I love her a whole lot."

"Did you ask her if you could call her Mama?"

"I…" He frowns, trying to remember. "She not say no!"

"Yeah, buddy, but maybe she doesn't want you to call her that. She just lost her baby and-"

"I be her son!"

JJ runs her fingers through his hair. "Buddy, it's different for Daddy. You are his son and you will always be his son, but you… you didn't come Ms. Ryan's tummy. She…It.." She sighed, trying to figure out a way to explain it. "It might make her really sad for you to call her Mama."

Henry pouted. "I don't want to make her sad. I call her and I ask?"

"It's still night time where Ms. Ryan lives, but maybe we'll call her later, okay?"

"But if it doesn't make her sad, I call her Mama?"

"Let's see what she says, first, okay?"

He sighs. "Okay. You gotta fight bad guys today, Mommy?"

"No, sir, I'm all yours."

"But Daddy work?"

"Daddy has to work today, he sure does."

Henry sighs. "Tomorrow too?"

"Tomorrow and the next day, yes sir."

"Then no work?"

"Then no work."

"And we go to the park?"

JJ cursed herself, forgetting about how they had made plans to go to the theme park a couple weeks ago, before Ryan's miscarriage. "Yes, buddy, we'll go to the park."

"Can Ms. Ryan come too?"

"We'll ask her later, okay?"

"Okay." He's silent for a few moments. "Can I have waffles now?"


	52. Chapter 52

Ryan stared out the plane window, the case having been wrapped hours ago. She turned her head as someone sat down next to her. She smiled at Will.

"Hey."

"Stealing people's seats now, DiMario?"

"Eh. Elle can take mine, like it really matters."

"Right. What's up?"

"Was going to ask you the same question." He said, looking at her. Ryan stared at him for a second, before turning back to the window.

"It's Thursday, right? It's not like we're going to have a case till Monday. What if…. What if I went out there? Made him….talk to me, deal with this. ….Is that crazy?" She asked, turning back to him.

Will smirked. "Going to hold a boom box over your head too?"

Ryan glared before smacking the man in the head. "I'm being serious, Will."

He shrugged. "I say, do it. You know you have Henry on your side."

She laughed. "Very true."

Will looked over his shoulder. "What would Elle say?"

"That I was crazy." Ryan laughed.

He smirked. "You are crazy, Ryan. Crazy in love."

Ryan stares at him before smacking him again. "Go away."

Will laughs as he gets up, returning to his seat.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer raises his head at the sound of a laugh and smiles when he sees Henry and JJ.

"Daddy! We here for your lunch!"

Spencer pushes away from the desk. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! I made you Peanut butter and jelly!"

"All by his self." JJ tells him and Henry's eyes widen.

"YEAH! All by my self, Daddy!"

Spencer looks at JJ, noticing her amused look. "Is it edible?" He asks and Henry looks between them.

"It's very edible! It's tasty daddy, I made it!"

Spencer nods. "Thank you, buddy."

JJ hides a laugh as Spencer pulls out the sandwich, his face trying its best to look excited at the mangled gooey sandwich.

"Oh wow, look at this. What happened to the bread?"

"He hasn't mastered spreading the peanut butter yet."

Spencer looks at his sandwich for another second before he takes a bite. "Yum. Best sandwich ever."

Henry looks excited. "Better than Mommy's AND Mama Ryan's?"

He looks up at JJ at the name again, but she doesn't react. "Yeah, way better."

Henry grins up at his mother. "Told you, Mommy."

JJ ruffles the little boys hair before pulling out his sandwich, knowing that if the older man is eating, the son will follow course. Henry takes a bite before his eyes widen, in realization.

"Mommy! You say we call Mama Ryan today! It's morning now there, right?"

"Right." JJ nods before looking at Spencer, who's watching the two. He notices JJ rub her forehead before pulling out her phone. Spencer watched as she dials the number, slightly curious at how many times the little boy has had her call Ryan before. She hands him the phone.

"But you got to eat your whole sandwich, now, okay?"

He ignores her, waiting for the other woman to pick up and Spencer notices the eye roll before taking another bite of the sloppy sandwich in front of him. Henry's eyes widen.

"Mama Ryan!"

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Ryan picks up her phone, seeing JJ's number.

"Hello?"

She smiles immediately at the little boy's voice. "Mama Ryan!"

"Hey, Mini,"

"Ms. Ryan, Mommy said that she okay if I call you Mama, but only if you okay with it. You okay with it, right? 'Cos I like your son too, right?"

She sits, still in the airport, still debating if she should fly out to Virginia.

"I… Well…"

"I make you feel better, because you not lost me. And because the baby can't call you Mommy, so I call you Mama."

She leans back in the chair, his motives coming clear for the name change. "Oh, sweetheart, you don't have to call me Mama, just because of that. I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything like that. If you want me to be.. If you want to call me Mama, that's because you want to, not because of the other baby."

"I want to!"

"But honey, me and your dad aren't even together-"

"But you say, you love me even if you and Daddy not love each other." She hears his voice change, getting upset.

"I do, Mini. I do. I will always love you. You're my best friend, remember? My favorite little man."

"Yeah."

"But…" She bites on her bottom lip. "You have a great Mommy, Henry, you don't need another one."

"I know. I don't need it, but you… I love you, Ms. Ryan. You take care of me. I your little man, remember."

She smiles. "You are my little man."

"Yeah." He sighs. "and you my Mama Ryan."

"Okay."

"Okay. You come see me now?"

Ryan opened her mouth before closing it. "I…what?"

"You come see me now."

"Henry, I'm sure Ryans really busy buddy, you can't just ask her to drop everything and come down here." She hears Spencer say.

"Henry?"

"Yeah, Mama Ryan?"

"Can you keep a secret? It's a really, really big secret, you can't tell anyone."

"Okay." He says, softly.

"I'll be there soon."

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

Spencer watches as the little boy's eyes widened.

"Okay!"

He wonders what Ryan's saying before the little boy pouts. "But you-"

He looks to JJ whos watching the little boy. "Okay." he sighs and is quiet for a while, Ryan must be talking. "Bye, Mama Ryan."

He hangs up and looks at his dad. "She say Bye."

"She had to go?"

"Yeah, but she say she call me soon."

"I know you want her to come out here, Henry, but-"

"It okay, Mommy. She say she call me soon."

Spencer and JJ look at each other. He was handling that better than expected.

"What did she say?"

"She say I call her Mama Ryan and she call me soon. She had to go. She busy. She call me soon though, Mommy. Real soon. She say when she not busy, she call me. So I keep your phone."

JJ laughs. "I'll keep my phone, but I'll make sure if she calls you, we'll answer it, okay?"

"No! I keep it! She Call me soon! Real soon, She say! She say, she call me and I got to answer!"

JJ looked at Spencer as the little boy clutched on to her cell phone. Spencer looked back to the little boy.

"Want some Candy? You can have some if you give the phone to your mom."

"Yeah! Candy!"

JJ stared at Spencer, annoyed, who shrugged, exasperated. "It works!"


	53. Chapter 53

JJ moves around her kitchen, making dinner for her son when her phone rings.

"Jareau."

"JJ, hi." Ryan says and JJ pauses.

"Ryan… let me get Henry."

"Wait.. I…" There's a long pause and JJ hears the woman sigh. "I'm in Virginia."

"You're….Oh." JJ purses her lips. "Does Spencer know?"

"No. It… it was spur of the moment, and now… now I'm thinking it was a bad idea. Spencer's not really good with surprises."

JJ laughs. "You think?"

Another sigh and JJ rubs her forehead. "I didn't mean to be rude." She pauses to think.

"Look, just come here and we'll… if anything, you can spend some time with Henry."

"Are…are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course. We need to talk anyways."

"Oh….alright."

JJ gave her directions before hanging up. She wondered how Spencer would react, if she should call and tell the man. Maybe Ryan had an idea. Was she really going to help Ryan?

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

The doorbell rings and Henry runs to the door. "I get it!"

"No sir. You do not answer the door."

He pouts, but waits for his mother to come and open the door.

"MAMA RYAN!" He screams when he sees the person on the other side and raises his hands to be picked up, which the other woman does immediately.

"Hey, baby face." She kisses his cheek. "How's my little man?"

"You really came! Mommy, Mama Ryan here! She here!"

JJ nods, looking at the woman. She looks older than the last time she had seen the woman, tired.

"I see her, buddy. How are you, Ryan?"

Ryan tears her eyes away from the boy in her arms to look at JJ. She shrugs a little.

"I'm okay."

JJ can't imagine what it feels like to lose a baby and then with the drama that had been going on. JJ knew that she had caused a lot of that drama. She smiles, a little sadly.

"That's good."

Henry watches the two women for a second before their silence gets too much. "Mama Ryan, I show you Snug. He's so big now!"

"He's so big? You're so big! Have you been eating your veggies?"

"Yeah, Mommy makes me. They gross. But Daddy like 'em so I pretend."

He wiggles to get down and grabs her hands. "Come see Snug!"

Ryan returns to the living room a little while. "He's watching a movie."

JJ nods. "Spencer's out with Garcia today. She told him he needed to have some adult fun."

Ryan looks confused. "Adult fun? Should I feel jealous, because I…kind am."

JJ smiles. "Oh no, Garcia's very happy with her boyfriend and sees Reid as a brother. They're probably out doing something childish. Pen's always trying to give Spence a second childhood."

Ryan nods before picking at the other woman's bills. "I… I had a plan to come out and make him talk to me about the baby and us and Will and when I got here, I guess, I realized that I had to face him too you know. It's…"

"hard?"

"The hardest. I know I screwed up, JJ. I never should have pushed him away and then lied about being in love with someone else."

"It really messed with his head."

"And yours, I bet."

JJ shrugs. "It was immature of Spencer and I to even think about messing around so quick after your guys' break-up."

"Did he run straight to you?"

JJ turns to look back at the woman, who looks a little broken. She doesn't know whether to tell the truth or not.

"I mean, I know that he thought about it. That you guys kissed or whatever pretty quickly after, but that night….did you guys…."

"We didn't do anything. He got drunk." JJ tells her, watching her. "Ryan, I'm sorry about.."

Ryan raises a hand to stop the woman. "You love him. I know what that's like. I would have tried to steal him away too."

JJ laughs and rubs her head. "I can't believe we're sitting around here, talking about Reid like this."

Ryan looks at her, cocking an eyebrow.

"I just keep thinking about when Gideon introduced him to the FBI. He was scrawny and couldn't look anyone in the eye. God, and his fashion sense."

Ryan smiles. "I've seen pictures from Elle. I know."

"After Georgia though… he killed his own kidnapper. He saved himself. We didn't really do anything, you know? It's just… It changed the entire way I looked at him, but sometimes, I remember the nerdy little socially inept kid and can't believe-"

"That you fell in love with that?"

"That I'm still in love with that."

Ryan bites at her lip. "Yeah."

"I know he loves you, Ryan. I'm not going to get in the way of that, but I don't know if he'll…. If he'll let himself be with you again. He's not really the type to give seconds chances. He'll admit when he's wrong, but he holds grudges and… and I know that he still thinks about what you said about you and Will."

"I just said that because he was talking about being with you! I…" She sighs and rubs her temples. "It was stupid. This whole thing was stupid. I… I didn't know what to do. I had just lost…I…" She shakes her head.

JJ watches the woman in front of her.

"Did you know why Henry wanted to call me Mom?"

"Because you lost your baby. He wanted you to feel better and replace the one you lost."

"I told him he didn't have to, but… I have to admit, I like it. I love your son, JJ, so much."

"He's very lovable."

"I'm not going to walk away from him. Whatever happens with me and Spencer. As long as you let me be around him, I will. I'm honored that he even considers me to be like you. Regardless of how I feel about you and Spencer, you're a great mom."

JJ remembers the e-mail and smiles weakly. "You're a great mom, too, Ryan."

Ryan stares at the woman, her eyes getting glassy before she looks away. JJ reaches to touch the woman's shoulder when she hears her sniffle.


	54. Chapter 54

JJ made her way to the kitchen, pausing when she saw Ryan and Henry. The little boy was sitting on the counter, watching the woman make pancakes and talking. Ryan kept nodding at what he was saying and JJ could tell trying to keep an eye on him and the food at the same time. She looked up when JJ started to walk towards them again, giving her an embarrassed smile.

"I was trying to keep him quiet so you could sleep in a little later."

"Mommy gotta work. She see Daddy and tell him you here! I call Daddy and tell him now, Mommy?"

"No, buddy, remember Mommy and Mama Ryan are-" She pauses, realizing she had just called Ryan 'Mama' and frowned before continuing her thought "-keeping it a secret."

"Like Mama Ryan coming to see me!"

"Yes. We can't tell Daddy just yet, okay?" Ryan says, looking at him. Henry frowns.

"But he want to see you! He love you, Mama Ryan."

JJ scoops up the little boy. "She wants to surprise him, baby. But don't worry about that. Let's go get you dressed so when Ms. Lily gets here, you guys can eat and then go play."

"Yeah! We go to the park with Mama Ryan!"

They return, begin to eat pancakes when the doorbell rings. JJ comes back out from getting ready to open the door to see Lily.

"Hey."

Lily looks at the woman. "You look less stressed today."

"I had some help." JJ turns to look in the kitchen where Henry and Ryan are eating. Lily looks confused.

"Ryan Williams."

"The Ryan?" Lily asks, looking at her. "She's gorgeous."

JJ stares at her and Lily blushes. "Not that you're not gorgeous too. You're way prettier."

JJ laughs. "Thank you. She should be okay with him, but just stay around, keep an eye on things."

Lily nods, looking back at the woman. "Of course."

JJ nods and moves back to the kitchen. "Ms. Lily's here and I got to get going." She kisses the top of Henry's head. "Be good for Ms. Ryan and Lily, okay?"

He lifts his chin to kiss her. "Love you, Mommy."

She smiles. "Love you too, sweetheart."

Lily watches as she leaves before turning back to the woman and child. "So you're Ryan."

Ryan looks at the woman, confused, when Henry grins.

"This is my Mama Ryan, Ms. Lily!"

Lily cocks an eyebrow. "Mama Ryan?"

Henry nods. "She was Daddy's girlfriend but she was going to have a ba-"

"Henry." Ryan cuts him off and he pouts, but stays quiet.

Lily doesn't say anything, respecting the woman's privacy about it, even though she already knows. "Are you here to get Dr. Reid back?"

"I…."

"Mama Ryan loves Daddy, Ms. Lily! A whoooole lot! I tell Daddy he need to marry Mama Ryan and then have 'nother baby so I have a sister in heaven and a brother here!"

Ryan stares at him. Henry looks back at her. "What?"

Lily smiles at the two. "It's okay. I… I already knew."

Ryan turns to her before shaking her head. "God, Spencer really can't keep his mouth closed, can he?"

"He was hurting. It was evident something was wrong."

"Yeah, Daddy cry a lot, Mama Ryan. He really sad."

Lily ruffles his hair. "Why don't you go get ready to go to the park. You're going to need shoes."

"And socks like Daddy!"

Lily nods. She knows that JJ would hate her for letting the book mismatch his socks, but she couldn't help but find it cute. Once he's gone, she turns back to Ryan.

"He really was falling apart, between losing you and the baby… I was worried about him."

Ryan runs her fingers over the rim of her cup. "I get that you're like Henry's nanny or whatever, but…. I don't know you. And No offense, I don't really want to talk to you about this."

Lily shrugs before grabbing the plates. "Understandable, but other than JJ, I was the only one to see him in there with Henry, after losing his daughter, after hearing about how you told him you were in love with some other dude."

Ryan glares. "You don't-"

"Oh, I do. I understand completely. Been here for the JJ/Reid drama too."

"Team JJ?" Ryan asks and Lily makes a face.

"Oh gods no. They make great parents and made a very beautiful little boy, but…" She makes another face as she washes the plate. "JJ needs someone who….and don't get offended when I say this, but…. Less androgynous."

"Androgynous?" Ryan laughs. "What?"

"Reid's very pretty, don't get me wrong, and he's very smart, but.. I mean, look at JJ's previous relationship with Will. Will was a strong, silent-type cop who was very manly in everything he did. He was into beer and sports and… manly things. Spencer likes wine and chess and-"

"he's intellectual, that doesn't make him feminine." Ryan argues.

"Not feminine, just… not her type. She's…too much for -"

"Look Ms. Lily I put on my shoes! Look Mama, I did it!"

Ryan turns her attention to the little boy and laughs. "Wrong feet, baby face. C'mon. I'll help."

She kneels down before looking back at Lily, thinking about what she had said. Will and Spencer were opposites and even JJ had mentioned that she was shocked about her attractions.

"So wait, you're Team Ryan?"

Lily laughs, getting Henry a water bottle and a snack ready for the park. "I don't know… I guess?"

Ryan smiles to herself, going back to helping Henry with his shoes. At least the babysitter liked her.


	55. Chapter 55

**Author's Notes: Sorry that this took so long to get to you. I have been busy with school and work and then when I was free, I was writing the Deal Breaker Series, which is mostly Lila/Reid at this point, but will have Elle and Morgan and the rest of the gang eventually. I would really really be glad if y'all checked that out, it's just a series of one chapter stories. (I think theres 16 now?) it begins with the story Safely, which is M, so if you dont wanna read that one, just move on to Coming Home. I didn't expect that I would get to 16 or else I would have just posted them in one story thing so they were all together, but it's too late to do it now. But! if you do want to read them, which I hope you do! I love y'alls criticisms as well as the good stuff ;), they are in a community in the Criminal Minds section called "Deal Breaker Series" - real creative huh? Hah. They're also numbered for your convience in the summaries. Uh, but I'm going to shut up now and let y'all get to the story that you actually DO want to read. Enjoy! **

**Oh wait! I also have another JJ/Reid story called Life. Well it will eventually be JJ/Reid. right now it's still JJ/Will, but we're getting there!**

**Okay, now, really... Enjoy.**

* * *

Henry squeals as Ryan pushes him on the toddler swing - the type he can't fall out of, even if he said he was big enough to hold on. She didn't want to risk it. "Higher, Mama, Higher!"

Lily looks up from her book. It's weird to hear Henry call the other woman Mom, but she had to admit, to a passerby, Ryan looked to love the child as much as her own, although the blue-eyed child looked nothing like her. She smiles as the little boy squeals with laughter again. Her eyes go back to her book as the woman continues to play with the boy.

"Hey." a voice behind her says and she jumps, turning to see Spencer.

"Whoa, hey, what are you doing here?" She looks to see where Ryan and Henry have gone, but she can't spot them, figuring they're in the tunnels or something.

"Lunch break. I thought I'd play with Henry." He turns his attention to the park and frowns. "Where is he?"

"He.. uh… ahh, well, you see-"

"Mama! Catch me!" The little boy squeals before he comes in view of the two on the bench. Lily watches his reaction. Henry spots him and his eyes widen. "Dadddddy!"

Lily turns back to see Ryan who had previously been chasing the boy, freeze, shocked. Lily's eyes go back to Spencer who is just staring at the woman, the little boy crawling up his leg.

"Daddy! Daddy! MAMA RYAN HERE! You See her? See her, Daddy!"

Spencer eventually nods, bending over to pick up the boy, his eyes never leaving Ryan.

"Yeah, buddy, I see her."

"She came to see me, Daddy! She tell me on the phone. It was a secret. I keep it and then, she show up like she said! And she talk with Mommy and…and I sleep, and I wake up and she was still there! She come to the park with me and we play and now you here! You here and you play with us!" He looks around to make sure it's okay with Ryan and frowns when he doesn't see her close. He turns in the man's arms and grins when he finally spots her.

"Mama! DADDY HERE! COME SEE!"

Lily watches the two adults, both seemingly frozen. She stands up and grabs the little boy. "How about we go see if the ice cream man is here yet?"

"I get ice cream?"

"As long as you tell her Daddy got it for you." She says and Henry giggles.

"Daddy get me ice cream a lot, huh, Ms. Lily?"

Lily grins at him, walking away, looking over her shoulder to see Spencer walking towards the woman.

****

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"You're here." He says and she breathes in. He looks different. He's cut his hair, bought new shirts. He hasn't shaved in a couple days, he has stubble under his lip, on his chin. God, she forgot how attractive he was.

"I'm here." She repeats, unable to form her own words as she continues to take him in. The circles under his eyes are darker than before. He looks skinnier although the muscles in his arms are visible against the shirt that's rolled up to his elbows. She licks her lips.

"You look good." She says and an uneasy smile flickers on his face. His eyebrows raise and fall before his eyes move over her.

"You look good too. You… you lose some weight."

She had lost the baby weight, he means. The last reminder she had left of their aborted fetus. The thought burns her throat. It's easier to call it a fetus, she thinks to herself, as if it wasn't as important. It's a lie though, she knows it. It wasn't just an aborted fetus, it was their baby girl, Dylan Alexandria Reid. The thoughts make her eyes tear up and he frowns, but stays still. She knows that he knows exactly what she's thinking about. His shoulders tense, he clenches his jaw as he eyes move past her to the swing set, neither know what to say. Neither can say anything.

"Daddy look! It's a Rocket!"

He clears his throat and she wipes her eyes when the little boy walks over with his popsicle. She watches as he smiles at the little boy, kneels down.

"Wow, buddy, that looks good."

"You have some." Henry offers his dad a taste and Ryan finds herself smiling when Spencer opens his mouth for a big taste. He pulls back and his lips are a little redder than before. He smiles at him.

"Yumm."

Henry's pleased and he looks at her. "You too, Mama!"

She takes her lick and tells him it's delicious before Spencer tells him to go give Lily a lick.

"Ms Lily already took a bite, See!" He shows his dad the popsicle and Spencer smiles.

"Well go tell her she can't bite your ice cream anymore."

"She said she had to test it, but I think she just want some."

Ryan chuckles and Spencer grins. "Well go sit down and eat your ice cream while I talk to Ms. Ryan, okay?"

Henry looks between them. "I gotta tell Mama secret, first, kay daddy?"

Spencer looks up at her and she shrugs. "Okay, buddy." He says before Henry grabs her hand.

"You tell him you love him, right?" He says, in a half-whisper that she knows Spencer can still hear.

"We'll see."

Henry doesn't like the answer. "Nooo, Mama! You tell him and then he tell you and you be happy and you move here with me!"

She gives her best fake smile. "I'll see what I can do, okay?"

He pouts but he takes it, sucking on his popsicle as he walks back over to Lily.

Spencer looks as uncomfortable as she feels, but she takes the leap.

"He's…right, you know. I still love you. And you told me that you loved me too. You…you still do, right?"

"It's not that easy, Ryan."

"I know that, Spence, but…I miss you."

She takes a step towards him and he takes one back. She trys to not let it sting, but it does. It stings a lot.

"This isn't the place to do this." He says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "We…I just want to spend time with my son right now, is that… Can we just do that, right now?"

She nods. "Yeah." She says softly. "We can do that."

He give a tense nod before turning to walk towards the little boy.


End file.
